..a helluva long time has gone by..

the reason i havent been writing in this xanga is bc it seemed that there was no point in writing in this without anything IMPORTANT to write about. compared to other ppl's xanga, my shit is just that, shit. oh well. but sometimes i need to write when im bored.

..summer school is over..

well, Faye and i r free for the summer from school at least. i hope i did well on the final exam, i REALLY need an "A" in that class. shiiie, the first test that we took, i thought i might have done well, but turns out that his grading is totally different than i thought, and he didnt grade properly. poop on him!

..working..

been working, moderately. i need to up my hours, and when i do, i need to stop complaining that i work too damn much, i know i need the money, but sometimes u need a lil break from the same old shit, i dont know what i'll do when i go into my career. i'm thinking that that'll be different since that's what i will WANT to do. hehe, im hoping. if i get tired of that, then im screwed! hehehe. oh well. well, my dad suggested that i get a second job for the summer during the time that i dont work at Don Pablos. which would be the mornings, and then take 2 hours off, and then go to Don Pablos. that sounds resonable enough, i want to work at Tommy at the outlets. going to drop an application, hope i get it.

..HARRY POTTER!!!!..

OMGOMGOMG! i cant wait! Faye and i r going to have break-fast and then get the book. but u know what Faye? i have a hostess meeting on Sat. at 9AM! and i HAVE to go, otherwise my manager will bitch me out. ok, so i'm going to send Veer to get it. hehe, he still wants to get one copy. and he has no problem with getting only one copy, bc HE thinks that HE will have it the first day to read as much as he can. loser! hell no! i want 2 copies! one for eac of us, and when i get it, i'm going bury myself in my room until i feel like coming out for a breather! shiiiie! i'm not playing man! lol. im so wetarded!

..been talking to someone..

well, the last time that i talked to this certain someone was over one week ago, but still. i think he is letting me see the real him. and he has been busy with summer school, i dont know if its the whole summer or what, but i havent spoken to him in forever. and it gets on my nerves that u cant take one minute even when u r online to say "hey, sorry i havent been able to talk to u. but i'll say hi every so often." SIGH..i guess that's expecting too much from ppl. oh well. not everyone can think like me. oh well.

..Talking to Aachal..

i've been talking to Aachal lately, and lemme say that gurl is the SHIIT! hehehe! well, now more so then before we havent been talking, its bc its her last week of school, and i think she has to study and all, but its ok, we talk for a lil while at night to say waddup. she is hilarious and really makes one think... hehehe! i love ya gurl!

..need to go shopping!..

enough said! i REALLY need to go shopping man! i need everything! from champals to capris to shirts to everything! shiiiie! hehe.

..aight..

ok, i guess this is it for now, Veer started summer school, and i have to go pick him up. laterz!

..Monday..

nothing special other than class with Faye, and no work. bummed it all day.

..Tuesday..

Faye and i went to class, waited like half an hour for the teacher to come, and he didnt, so everyone decided to write on the board who all waited and left. went to work at 4 o'clock, nothing special. tired.

..spoke to someone unexpected..

i IMed this guy that i have known since childhood and we all have family friends. we aren't tyte or anything. but regardless, i IMed him with a casual question. and he chatted with me online in a very friendly manner. and asked questions that made it sound as if he really wanted to know. odd, bc it never seemed that we would talk like that. im not saying that we have like VERY intimate talks and deep conversations or anything. it's just that we talk, and i never thought that he would. oh well.. those who know the story know y i say this.

..Wednesday..

Went to class and didnt do anything special. left early.

i went to work, and nothing special happened.

my cousin came from Texas, she's gonna be staying for the weekend. it's nice to see her after 2 years? oh well. she's Veer's age. its nice to chill and all.

..Thursday..

i could not get up from bed today! i texted Faye and let her know that i wouldn't be able to go to class. sorry i know i know. skipping during summer school isnt good, but im sorry.

i have to get ready for work soon, sooo. nothing is happening in my life!

Minal said that there's a party July 2nd or 3rd. she's gonna find out the info herself and let me know. and as soon as i find out, i'll let ya'll know! and Faye, ur comin to this one! that goes for u too Adey! O_o. i'm keeping my eye on u, and we all have a way to get u to come!!! Farheen! where the HECK have u been!? Gosh Darn it! i havent seen u forever nor heard from u!! Neelam, u have to come too! and Aachal, of course ur coming! hehehe.

That's it. laterz!

..Thursday night movies at mimi's..

After work i went over to the Twin's house. Faye, Neal, Randy, Rose, Cynthia, Veronica, and Martiza were there and they were having a horror movie night. we only got around to watching the entity. that movie is weird. it was pretty disappointing to learn that the main cause of the whole terror in the movie was nothing other than a dumb blob! ARGH! we shoulda watched Nightmare on Elm Street. now that was the best! well, it was good for the 80's. hehe. classics! oh well. Neal then showed us his and Randy's version of Punk'd. its called, "Haha, you just got mess'd up!" hehe, they pulled one on Rose. they stole her car and parked it else where, and left a ransom note in the car. Rose was seriously about to cry from what the gurls told me! awww, poor thing, but its hilarious! hehe. the guys said that everyone is game, to have a prank pulled on them. skurred now. especially since everyone is on summer break and free. "idle hands". hehe.

..Talk with Minal..

I went to work today. Minal was working. we started talking about who we danced with at the club, and who we saw and all that. i told her how i was surprised to learn that his name is different from what i thought it was. AYE YI YI YI! i told her how i dont make the first move, so i thought his name was Samir. so that's what i stuck with. oh well. she was saying all throughout how he is a good looking guy and nice and all that. and i asked her if he is a shy person, since he kept looking at me and when i looked over he would look away. her reaction was, "HELL NO!!!" she said that he was messing around with me. and i was thinking, well that lasted a few months plus the cruise. so i dont know. i told her that i dont make the first move, so we didnt get anywhere. she said that he had a GF during the time that i knew him. so hence him not doing anything. she did say that he dumped his GF around Christmas. and that he is single right now. hmmm...O_o. hehehe! so then i got bold and told her, "i wanna hook up with him" and she froze and looked at me and then yelled, "OMG!! u guys would be cute together!!!". i want her to do something yo! i mean, she kept saying how he is cute, and nice, and fun. she also said that his last GF was U.G.L.Y!! AAAAAAAHAHA. then i was like, well..im not all that either. she was like, whatever, yes u r! awww. what a nice gurl. hehe.

..so yeah, i want her to help me out..

doooooooode. i want her to hook me up. i dont even know if he is interested. i mean, he was looking at me at Cairo towards the end of the night when i was dancing, but that dont mean nothing. hmmm...doubt he knows my name. hehe. oh well. it'd be nice to have someone, and experience something new. i mean, this is a RELATIONSHIP with another human being, and getting to know them and getting to know what they like to do and what drives them, and building a potential future with them. hehe, i know it sounds corny, but ur responsible for another person, and i dont mean in the having a baby sort of way. but to have someone when u need them, other than ur friends, or family. i dunno. hehe.

..i wanna have a movie night..

yo duudes! i dont know my schedule for work next week, but i wanna have a movie night. and i know that some people like Amy and Faye sometimes cant make the Fridays, so im thinking to have it on thursday. hopefully i wont be working. and i wanna play ball and just chillax with everyone! and i mean EVERYONE! imma kick everyones ass if they make so much as a peep of an excuse!!! and Adey, i'm looking in ur direction! haha, sorry to call u out like that, but hey, ur imfamous for what u do. hehe, i lub ya still!

..gotta buy tickets for 50 cent's..

OMGOMG!! i wanna go to the concert aug. 9! Faye, Nate, and Farheen already bought their tickets!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! i wanna go i wanna go!! Veer might come with me! he wants some of his friends to come, but i doubt that their parents would let them come since they're sort of young and they dont have anyone older to take them and be with them. Veer! arent u glad that u have an older sister?!?!?! Shiiiiie! u too NATE!!!! lol.

i'm out!

..mono-subject entry..

i dont feel like talking about what is happening unless it has to do with how i feel right now. sorry if it bores u, but it helps me write about it to get it out. but i would like for someone to help me with all this. i dont know what im feeling, and i would like someone to help me understand it.

Kevin Little's songs make me feel weird. like they make me yearn. i dont know, somehow i feel connected to KS (SP) and makes me feel different. i dont know how to explain it, but every time i listen to Kevin Little's songs, it makes me wish i was with him. its weird, bc it wasnt like we danced to this song or anything. but i think the reason i feel that way when i hear the songs is bc when the song came on, it somehow makes me feel as if i TOTALLY understand and wish it was about us. i dont know how else to explain it.

im listening to it as i type, and somehow it makes me feel like it's about us. and if it isnt, it makes me wish it was about us. weird. and every time i hear it, i get chills. ok, fine call me weird and psychotic, but i have this weird connection to the song.

..i wish i wish..

damn it! i wish this and i wish that! i wish it would come true! the whole thing makes me feel odd. i found out at the club on sunday, that his name is not what i thought all this time it was. and it is phunny, bc if it were to happen to someone else, i would laugh and say, "how can u not know his name!?!?" but the only reason i didnt know his name was bc i never spoke to him like that. i just assumed based on other facts. stupid and idiotic, i know. so i found his name out from a friend that i work with. she said that she and him r friends and that they know other mutual friends. so i guess its not a total lose. she can make things happen between us. i was talking to another friend from HS, and she knows him too. but im not supa tyte with her, and i dont want her to know how i feel. so imma stick to the other friend's help. from my information digging, he is single. hehe! YAAAY!

Aachal finally saw him in person at the club. Farheen had seen him at Icon when she and i went a while back, but i dont think she saw him clearly. honestly how clearly can u see in a club? hehe. now the only ones that r left to see him is Adey, Amy, and Faye. soon, i hope, u will be able to see him.

im sure it sounds stupid to have these feelings when u dont even know the person. i mean, it might be fine to have a little crush for a little while. but this is weird. i dont know what i have. or what my feelings r classified as. i mean, c'mon! i didnt even know his name!!! i dont know how this seems to others, maybe like, "ok, get over it already! ur freaky." i hope not! hehe.

i know what i want, but i dont now how to go about getting it. that's the tough part i think for anyone. well, more for me, since i'm not practiced in relationships. meaning that, i havent had a relationship ever! and i think it gets harder as u get older, since the needs of a relationship changes and gets serious as u get older. so this being my first time is hard enough. i know what i want, but i dont know how to get it. and even if i did get it, i dont know what to do. but i guess that would come for the both of us. depending on the circumstances.

i dont know what it feels like, to be in a relationship, but i want it sooooooooo damn bad! guys, im i a hopeless and helpless cause?! i feel like a loser for not having a relationship before this and it makes me feel as if i am viewed as a loser bc i dont know the ways. "u've NEVER been in a relationship?!?!" that's what i feel is being said about me. i know im being paranoid, but still.

..BIG HUGE SIGH!..

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH! i think i am a hopeless and helpless cause. SIIIIGH!

..i'm out..

lemme go to sleep. HAAAH! yeah, like that's gonna happen! lemme TRY to sleep without thinking about all these feelings that i have and trying to understand what it is i feel and what i want. i dont even know myself sometimes. is that normal?! i know this isnt love AT ALL! no way! but what is it? do i feel this way bc i want a relationship sooo bad? is that what all this is? i seem to think that i am in the right point in my life to have a serious relationship. and i seem to be in the right environment, unlike the immature High School settings. oh well..SIGH

Good Night!