| I was looking through facebook the other day, and i was thinking.. woah Columbia people live these fast lives I mean half of them its OC for awhile then off to here and there and yadda yadda yadda. All the time its social calendering. I used to think its my parents that kept me from that lifestyle, but really i think its just that i don't like it. I like sleeping in late, ( going to bed relatively early) watching movies ( sometimes completely alone ) hanging out with my family, or even when i do hang out with people, 1 or 2 at a time. It seems so overwhelming to me to go to things in large numbers i'm always irritable or just so tired after its all said and done. I thought its just because i'm a freak, but then i realized i live a lifestyle not suited for me. I like small town feeling, big fish small pond all that crap. I don't like calling around making "plans" gah when i get caught in it it just seems so friggen stupid... like why do i have to organize to hang out with someone? Its like when i go to the mall, and there all these hussies and they look me up and down, and i could care less what judgment their determining, but its like Hey, you don't even know me. And i know i judge them by determining their sluttiness, but i say as honestly as possible, that i walk around with a generally good disposition, and If my face were to relax, most of the time its still in a half smile. The people i see, stick their thin lips in a pout ( trying to angelina-fy their faces) have a pound of makeup, hair straightened, skin tanned, shorts half way up their skinny ass cracks. The people who may fit some of these traits but are so incredibly nice i leave be. I mean people look better to me when i like them. But it makes you wonder, if there wasn't all these resources, like waxing, tanning, straightening, push up bras, makeup, how many people would we call " beautiful". I know that without alot of this primping stuff i would be as ugly as a stump lol, and i only manage to make decent because i can fix myself that way. And its funny, because people will point out " oh she's hot" all the time to me, or i watch tv and the guy on the "Bachelor-esk" show goes after is plastic. Its not annoying to me, because i feel i'm being looked over. I just explained the stump similarity to me :) its more like, it feels to me that as the years go by, people are dying with faces that are not theirs. And i don't mean faces like say ( Season 3 grey's anatomy Ava) or other people who get maimed in some sort of an accident. I mean people who want to improve themselves. God made you the way you are for a reason. Sorry to pull out the God stuff, but i am religious. On what hopefully is a short tangent... if your gonna be a whore.. don't come to church. I find it hypocritical and just wrong. I don't care, really waht you do with your life... if that means sleeping with a guy ( or 2, or 3, or hey Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch), i honestly can't judge you for doing what you want to do. Heck! i might even envy you, because my conscience weighs me down all the time. But going in to church, even after you've done the nasty... and you feel no remorse... and your gonna keep on doing it.. gah wait i guess i can't tell people whether or not they can come to church. That is wrong and in a different light could be considered discrimmination. I feel like though, being a good person isn't worth anything anymore ( NOTE : i am not saying by that i think i am a good person). People like to say mean things about other people. And when you tell them its wrong you make them feel bad about themselves which makes them feel bad about you. Diggin in on someone else makes them feel better, because it means someone else ot be horrible with them. I know i know people vent and i guess that is different as long as at the end of the day, you don't really mean what you said and you can forgive and forget. Gosh this entry is long. Especially considering that i haven't written in along ass time. But people probably will overlook my little xanga because of that and i don't mind. I think that writing to inform ( which is sort of how this entry was written ) is kind of high and mighty. I'd like to think that when i look back on this later like i do on my older entries, its like remembering what you thought a long time ago. i really like that feeling |
