Comps are done.

I don't know what to do with myself now.  It's consumed my life this week, and now it's done.

I'm content.  I wouldn't have taken less.  But I would've liked one more higher.  Someone said something- "You're perfect."  Though it was a joke, it kind of bugged me because I know it referred to me never being satisfied unless it's the absolute best.  That's not true.  It's just that when it is important to me and when I know what I am capable of doing, I want to make sure I do it.  Everyone has something in their life that is important- be it school, be it painting a mural, or tuning that engine in the car just right.  I don't know, I guess I can't explain it.  But it's not that I am a perfect or even necessarily a perfectionist.   

I'm not perfect.  Far from it.

After all, I just juggled shows ranging from The Philadelphia Story w/ Hepburn and Grant, Grey's, Friends, the Travel Channel, and Back to the Future II.   

I just have my quirks.  Like you do too.  

Incidentally I have another set of comps... but that's for next month....

Currently Listening Ain't No Sunshine By Bill Withers see related

In exactly two weeks I turn 22.... that is if I survive until then.

Where I was at this time of year last year and where I am now are so far apart it blows my mind.

Then again, where I am now and where I'll be in two weeks is pretty far apart as well.  And who knows about this time next year....

We're getting old.  But that's not necessarily bad.

It amuses me that the gas companies think that they're fooling us by keeping the gas prices at 2.99.... we're not idiots gas companies, we know gas is 3 bucks. 

One more week and I'm done with this horrible internship, minus a few odds and ends.  It looms before me.  Then again, today alone looms before me.  Never a good sign.

But I'm looking forward to being done beyond just never having to come back to this office.  I need those few weeks before I go back early to get my self together.  I need that time to heal if that makes sense.  I took a lot of blows this past year, and when I was beginning to feel better right at the end of spring term, had experienced all there was to experience, and figured it could only get better, something very close to me died in a very painful way very suddenly and that just destroyed me.  So I feel like I've been living these weeks in hiatus, paused, waiting until I have the time and energy to deal with what must be dealt with.  I need to heal, so I can begin this new and final year positive, upbeat, enjoying the now instead of letting the past and negative emotions drag me (and anyone around me) down.  I know I've retreated into myself this past year.  It was a self-protection thing really, wary of being hurt more.  I'm going to try and come back out again.  Renew old friendships, make new ones.  Take what I'm given and try not to want more. 

And I need this time to figure out where I'm going.  I feel like I'm back to senior year of high school with no idea of where I'll be at in a year.  That is stressful, but it's good too.  I am ready to move on.  Ready to be a senior.      

Rule:  Put your media player, ipod, whatever on shuffle and write down whatever song title comes on in order with the questions.  This can be eerily accurate or if nothing else, really funny.

(I would like to just say before you read this that I have lots more artists on my computer, for some reason it kept going back to the same.... maybe trying to tell me something?)

How am I feeling today?

Beautiful Day- U2 (Sun's shining, I'm at home, what's not to be happy about?)

Will I get far in life?
As I went down to the river to pray- Allison Krous “O Brother Where Art Thou”

How do my see me?
You are not alone- Michael Jackson (Well that’s good)

Who will I marry?

Hero- Music Inspired by Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack (I'm cool with that)

What is my best friend's theme song?
Um it’s just the end music from Bend It Like Beckham, doesn’t really have a name… then again, don’t really have a best friend anymore so oddly appropriate

I thank god for my roomates.  I didn't know 'Kenzie or Ashlee before and they didn't know me, and we were all nervous, but it's worked wonderfully.  I am so fortunate to room with these girls.  This is an example of how things always work out for the best.

Trying to hold onto that thought in other arenas of my life.

I'm really grateful for ChiO.  When things seem crazy, I know I can count on it at least.  I enjoy living in house.  I really enjoy getting to know better the girls in it.  I really love these girls.  I feel bad for anybody who hasn't gotten to know them because they're missing out.  I defy you to typify my house.  And if you do- well then you don't know us at all.

Sometimes I miss Belgium so much.  Most of the time I hide it pretty well, because after all, what's the point?  I can't go back, I can't afford to.  It's just that little things strike me, and at the oddest moments, all the time.  But I'm grateful for that, I want to remember.

I can feel myself starting to say goodbye to Hanover though.  I have seriously been contemplating graduating early this past week.  I have made the decision to proceed as if I am going to double major and thus stay for the whole year, but if that falls through or I change my mind, I will graduate fall semester.  There is nothing to hold me there after that, and saving a few thousand dollers is appealing.  Last semester made me start moving on, and it's really not that repungnant of a thought.  And people have changed while I was gone.  Things change, people change.

AND IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT IN THE END.