HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.
_______________
there ya go you stinkin hyperliberals...
__________________
Letter to Redneck Son
Dearest Son
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Gander family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit,
she put a third one in because she heard you have grown
another foot since she last saw you.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
hahahaha omg thats funny right there i don care who ya are thats funny raght there...
| 
