23rd year of life's goals...

I've been contemplating it over and over in my head, how this last semester in nursing school is going to be crucial to not get "Senior-itis" I know it's only mid July and I still have a month and a half left before heading back.. but, there are a few things that I gotta take care of first... like studying for my exit exam, preparing for NCLEX early, saving money.. which i think i've been doing pretty well on, AND.. finally getting to my target weight loss goal.., which means staying fit through fall AND winter... which translates to staying active no matter how tired I am from the semester..

So, what's my motivation? The bf, my life's goals, Jackie's 21st birthday.. Hawaii... staying fit for the upcoming snowboarding season.. Seems like a lot to take on especially when i'll be uber stressed, trying to fit in time for friends, my blumpkin, family, and especially SCHOOL!!! but, i want a flat tummy for February, and pass boards by then too!

all i can tell myself is what JJ said to me the first day of nursing school... Take it ONE day at a time! So easily said than done since I love to daydream of what's to come instead of dealing of what's now.. I know the trick: Discipline because My better is better than your better will ever be...

Tired of routine..

I need to get out of Stockton FAST.. I miss San Jose. I miss being there. I miss seeing the people I normally see. I miss my life out there. Stockton is the same every day!! Work, eat, sleep, workout occasionally, cotillion practice. The stress from so many people are now getting to me and it's irking me like crazy!!! I need a break!! I miss spontaneity. I miss doing what I expect myself of doing instead of what other's need me to do. I think I have taken too many responsibilities this summer. Hopefully, it'll all be done by mid July. Then, I can go back to my home and concentrate on actually relaxing and enjoying the summer days. So far, the only day that i've enjoyed was my birthday. How sad!  

By which love doesn't understand...

within my own... i see it going nowhere now.. the arguments are about the same stuff all the damn time.. and obviously my point isn't getting across.. so where does that leave me? out in the dust.. i don't wanna discuss it anymore cuz it'll lead to more fighting.. so the result.. i just need to be left alone, doing my own thing.. my heart feels cold right now and that's about it....

i just wish that i can find someone who understands me and what's fair..

Current thoughts and 1st swim of '08

Ok, so wednesday it was like 101 in stockton, 85 in San Francisco.. beautiful day to be in the city.. and a great Giant's game vs. the Astros even though they lost.. but it was nice to see a whole bunch of filipinos for filipino heritage week... Twin Peaks was awesome.. I finally took my boothang there... It was his first time and I'm super glad it was with me (and Bern).. but it was beautiful.. all the lights of the city. You can see every bridge.. even lights glowin from the Oakland Hills..

anyway.. back to the weather.. Thursday it was around 103.. Friday was 104 and today (Saturday) it was about 101 in Stockton.. So guess what I did?!!!!!!! I went swimming at the brookside house with Leesah, Junebug, Cheska, Jeremy, Frank, Megan, Jackie, Jav, Munchkin and boothang JJ.. It was hella hot, the water felt GREAT!!! I got a mini tan.. not the golden tan like from hawaii or the tropics.. it was more like the dusty dark dirt-kind... lol.. you just have to live in Stockton to know what i'm talking about.. I miss the bay.. I really do. I cannot wait to get back in June...So til then, all i do is work for mom, see JJ, gym, and finally a swim..

I'm happy to say that i'm in better shape than when i came home. I lost about 3 or 4 pounds already. I gotta shed about 10 more.. so that i look fly for Leesah's grad/18th birthday.. I'm much excited about that. One thing that's sad.. is that we're getting old.. It seems like yesterday I had turned 18.. and now the baby of our immediate family is graduating.. i can't even believe megan's in the 20's club already.. but, i guess people have to grow up even if you don't want them to.. this year had been very challenging for me.. for school, for work, for boyfriend, and being in Stockton.. But, growing and learning is part of life. I'm glad I took the right way..can't wait to graduate.. Which reminds me of  Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken":

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Living in Stockton...