RohanRider762's Xanga

into the wild...

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:17:30 GMT

So, pretty heavy few weeks. Really had a lot come crashing down. But all in a good way, really. I'm still such a child and naive as I was at 14. Time to grow up.

There's this stupid thing that says when words fail, music speaks? Well, since I'm kind of a music buff, it works. This song reminds me of exactly my life right now. It shouldn't. But it does. And God help me.

"I'm Still Here"

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man..
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:50:07 GMT

Spring break lasted a whole week. That was an incredible waste of time, actually.

I don't think I've updated y'all for quite awhile on my own life. Right now, I'm waiting to hear back to see if I got the scholarship to study in England for a month this summer. If I get it, that will be really exciting. Other than that... I'm just waiting for life to start. Psh, darn life.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 20:07:19 GMT

Broken, but everything lasts in Grace
Shattered in two, held together by a thread
Locked away but running, always escaping back to You

Quickly now, without a thought move into place
Every wish you make, is nothing but a dying breath
Back right where I started from, lets start over
Just let me start over

I’m begging you
Start us over

Waiting on cues, taking what comes
Only to find out that’s not what you meant at all
Faith got us here; Grace can take us all the way

Quickly now, without a thought move into place
Every wish you make, is nothing but a dying breath
Back right where I started from, let’s start over
Just let me start over

I’m begging you
Start us over

Looking back through time, taking pieces at a glace
I’m breaking this silence, I close my eyes to see
Remembering the time I told you the way that I felt

Is it supposed to be like this?
You’re my reason
I pray I’m yours

Don’t say it now, just hold onto our memory
There you are, making all right all over again
Truth is breaking, this time forever

I’m begging you
Start us over

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 17:46:20 GMT

Remembering all we used to be, trying to find the sadness behind your eyes

Giving all I’ve got to give, just trying to keep this alive

God knows every little piece, every little hurt, every little joy.

When we said it, when it all came out, when our very lives where hanging

Did I say it all? Did I give all there was to give?

Father of Light, hear us now. Hear me now. I ask for only one small answer.

Things left unsaid, questions without answers, hopes suspended for all to see

Hopeless fleeting emotion, dying for just a little more

Keeping check and trying to keep sanity for just another few moments in time.

Like a vintage photograph, shot, caught, carried, shared and stored away

Say it sooner, say it now, say we are almost and nearly there

Take a look around and see the sun-splashed life we’ve created.

Entwined in reality, bound by seconds, the black and white is never just that

In one fatal cut, the hope is lost in the quiet

Beautiful colours being burned through my soul by nothing but a glace.

I only hear what’s said because I’m only weathering one single storm

It only takes one little word to take it all away

If you want to fly, just hold onto my hand and take me back to you.

Back to a place I know so well, back to a feeling I’ve never felt before

Joyful expressions, thoughtful glances, meaningful touches

The clock ticks on, leaving the past just one second behind the future.

Dancing through the stars, playing symphonies on your heart, rain falling

Watch the lighting waltzing with the thunder, taking steps

Her motion, his leading touch pushing them both until the last second falls

I need to be able to smell the aroma after this storm, to see the flowers

To walk to moist earth of your rain

Soaking up every drop of this, we can’t destroy what we didn’t create.

“Shakespeare hates your little emo poems..”

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 14:09:26 GMT

Chapters of Us

Beautiful morning, beautiful day,
Did I forget to mention that I’m here to stay?
It’s time that you know

Hands move on the clock,
Taking your day away and seeing it all unwind
It’s so much greater than our fears

Look out your window
Take in the glory of your emptiest day
It keeps me needing more of You

Glorious light and wonder,
Take me away
In time you’ll see how much you mean

Spending all my time with you
Filling chapters of us
I’ll do whatever it takes

I tired leaving you behind
But I keep looking into your eyes
Is it supposed to be like this?

Came through the brokenness
Just to hold your hand
They’ll laugh; we’ll smile

I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to push you away,
I’ll do whatever it takes

The best is over for this season
The worst still has yet to come
Give me one more chance

These time zones show them
How much you’re worth
And just how far I’ll break

Hold on to every beautiful piece
Remember that first time
Remember the Grace

I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to push you away,
I’ll do whatever it takes.

Remember... Remember....

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:35:41 GMT

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up King and Parli'ment.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

A penny loaf to feed the Pope

A farthing o' cheese to choke him.

A pint of beer to rinse it down.

A faggot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar.

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head.

Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.

Hip hip hoorah!

Hip hip hoorah hoorah

Monday, October 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:24:21 GMT

Life’s a curious thing. No matter how much we think we know life, we don’t. Just God does. And as much as people preach that, as much as people say they “trust God” we really still think we know best. And I’m so glad He knows what is and only gives us hints. Those little tests he throws in front of us. He knows we don’t get it. That’s the most reassuring thing I’ve discovered in a while.

He knows. We don’t. That’s love.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 14:12:28 GMT

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 02:04:59 GMT

Hi.

I've been rather insane lately an unable to post much. I'm working a second job, so that's pretty much taken up all the extra time I had to waste on my computer. I'm working at a coffee shop and tonight was my first time as the only employee! It's weird... right now, I'm the dependent at both my jobs. Insomuch as if I decided to quit one of them, the owners would lose their business. I don't sat that to be arrogant by any stance. Just amazed that I actually have some responsibility in my life.

Next week is the Arizona Families for Home Education homeschool convention and curriculum fair so our family is gearing up for that. It's always fun to be around so many like minded people. I’ll probably have to do a spiel about my Pro-Lifer’s group. Even though so many of them are typical homeschoolers. But that's ok, we forgive 'em. We are the not-so-normal homeschoolers in that we are quite rebellious of so-called "homeschool" norms. We've always been the outcasts in co-ops and get-togethers because of our unorthodox ways of doing things. Yeah, it's fun though. Then a few weekends after that, I'm going to be road tripping out to Iowa with 2-3 of the girls that were on my teaching team from Hong Kong. We are going to see one of our other team mates get married!

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

True Rebellion

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:37:40 GMT

I have a personal vendetta against rebellion. I rebel against rebellion. Which is why I follow my father so much in my thinking about God/Relationships/The South :P I hate the modern view of relationships. I hate the whole model of it. Where did it come from? Who the heck knows? But I refuse to just be another link in the chain of modern Christianity and youth. Therefore I rebel against the methodology of modernism and Emergent theology. The best way to fight an IDEA is to first go at the method of implementing that idea. By exploiting the method, you undermine the idea. The modern Emergent church is inherently flawed (Because in one sentence: The Emergent church of the post-modern era seeks to repaint the Bible with the mind of Modernity and that is wrong because the whole Bible is inherent truth for all nations and all times) and because of that, the premise is wrong. The premise has to be the idea and therefore by destroying the premise a new idea has to be formed. I’ve made it my goal in life to bring back Classical premises for Christianity: The ideas of Luther, Augustine, Lewis, and others that were passed down throughout the centuries. Why trust a passing fad over what has withstood 600 years of oppression? Who told us we could “Look at the Bible differently” like Rob Bell talks about his devils playbook “Velvet Elvis?” Or other books like “Blue Like Jazz” or “Generous Orthodoxy” that define MOST of the modern church movement. Including churches of 20,000+.

Think about this: The one common factor in all the major religions of the world comes from “rethinking God.” Judaism, Catholicism, Islam and Mormonism… If you read this and are of one of these religions, my goal here is not to offend. Just to show the error when you think men can be put into God equations. You can rail against my theology and apologetics all you want. But you will always fail when you think that men can take stand alongside God. Christ will choose us for whatever He wants. We do cannot choose Him.

I for one choose NOT to rethink God like the rest of the world. Anyone who thinks this, you are 1) not unique. You are part of just another fad that will pass. The 95 Thesis’s that Luther nailed to the Catholic churches front door haven’t passed and never will because true rebellion is fighting evil and standing for truth. 2) You will go through your faith being ignorant of the true glory and Grace of God. By believing you can “Repaint” His holiness you have inherently destroyed the foundation of His holiness which is PURE and LOVELY and JUST power. That power CANNOT be changed in any way shape or form. It is PERFECT and unsearchable. How dare you think you can be so arrogant that you can change the mind of pure unscathed holiness? 3) You’ve lost the battle with the devil. You’ve given into the idea that “Oh well, no one is getting hurt so it must be ok!” You’ve decided that by raising your hands in church and saying “Oh God is so awesome!” that you’ve bettered yourself as a Christian. You have created your own little dream god that is a genie and not Holy. A god that fits YOU and not the way it should be, which is that YOU fit God. God owes us NOTHING, people. We owe Him EVERYTHING. I say again, how DARE you think that you make God fit your lifestyle? He DOES not “work with us” to see “Yeah, so that guy down there… he lives his life ‘that’ way, so I guess I’ll alter my holiness just enough so that he’ll think “Awesome! A god like me.”” Where in the Bible does it say God thinks like that?

I beseech you men of the world, ‘why?’ Why decide that god is YOURS and not you are God’s?

I’ll tell you why: “Because everyone else does it.” “Because I grew up in a church that does it..” “Because my dad taught us ‘that way.’”

True rebellion, people, comes from standing up for truth against all odds. I’m in the process of starting a Student activist club that will be striving to Rebel against Rebellion. To rebel against abortion and strive to reinstall the value of Human life. What greater task should men of God be given then to show the world that we live with purpose and reason?

Don’t be spoon fed by men. You cannot have one foot in the City of God and one in the City of Men. Pick one side of the tracks or other, or a train is gonna hit you full on. There is no gray area in life. There is no justification. It’s all for ONE purpose. Find that purpose.