RonWeasley_Charmed's Xanga

Ready

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:11:45 GMT

((Offline))

The new term had started. Ron was now in his 6th year and he hoped that his quest with Harry and the D.A. would be safe so he could come back for the rest of the year. Charlie was what worried him most. She knew he had to go, and he tried so many times to reassure her he'd be fine, but could he promise that?

The night they left was uneventful at first. They rode on brooms to the Ministry of Magic and headed to the Department of Mysteries where Sirius Black was supposed to be taken captive. Ron hoped Harry had a good idea of what they were doing and not just walk into some sort of trap.

But it was a trap.

As the group filed into the Department of Mysteries and Harry unchained Sirius, all seemed well at first. But as they began to leave, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle stopped them.

"Where do you think you're going?" they sneered. An woman Ron had never seen before stood there next to them, staring menacingly along with a few Death Eaters.

"It was a trap..." Ron heard Harry mutter. "Wands ready!"

Ron quickly dove into his pocket and retrieved his wand, holding it out in front of him to try and stop whatever would come next. But as he noticed his wand shaking violently, his courage began to diminish. Would he be able to do this?

Curses rang out from all directions. The D.A. took on the Death Eaters while Harry ran for Malfoy. Ron pointed his wand at Goyle but suddenly went blank on spells. But his instincts kicked in when Goyle shot the Cruciatus Curse at him.

"Expelliarmus!" Ron cried, and Goyle's spell was shielded and sent flying in another direction. "Stupefy!" Ron called. Goyle, who was still watching for what happened to his curse, had no idea Ron even said this and instantly was hit and fell to the floor, stunned.

Pleased with his first hit, Ron smirked and turned to Crabbe.

All was going well, in fact, it looked as if the D.A. was winning. But then the unthinkable happened. As Ron was fighting off a Death Eater with Hermione close by helping, the killing curse was shouted. All eyes jumped to where it had come from but soon fell apon not who said it, but who had been hit. Sirius's lifeless body toppled backwards, falling into a curtain in the middle of the room. He was gone.

Now Ron was angry and he soon noticed he wasn't the only one. The D.A. members were swinging their wands furiously, shouting spells at anyone who came near them. Even Neville seemed to have some sort of supernatural strength.

Word reached the fight that Dumbledore was off fighting You-Know-Who somewhere else in the Ministry. When the Death Eaters heard this, they followed to where You-Know-Who was and disappeared with him, leaving the D.A. and Dumbledore alone in the Ministry. It was over.

Ron didn't know what to do. Harry was miserable, he knew that for sure, but how would he help? He knew talking to him wouldn't do any good, so he stood with Hermione as she cried, holding her and trying to calm her.

He was ready to go back to Hogwarts. He was ready to get away from this mess. He was ready to get his life back, his old life. He was ready for this to be over. He was ready for whatever would come next.

A New Start

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:40:58 GMT

For the first time in almost a month, Ron felt like his life was actually worth living again. Hermione and him were mending, slowly, but mending all the same. Ginny was happy for once, since before their mum got sick. Harry was starting to become more serious about fighting You-Know-Who, and right away, Ron offered to join him. Although this decision didn't appeal to his girlfriend the way he had hoped.

No, your eyes weren't playing tricks on you; Ron's girlfriend. Charlie. He never expected this at all. They had always been just friends. He had tried to help her with her situation with Draco and she had attempted to help with him and Hermione. Somewhere along the way, they fell for each other. Funny how fate works.

Everything was picking up again. Ron was smiling again. He was laughing again. He was joking around with people again. Now he hoped things would just keep getting better.

((Still trying to catch back up with this. So bear with me as my entries won't be too good until I'm fully cleared of this nasty writer's block.))

Regret

Mon, 14 May 2007 02:58:15 GMT

Ron was in a bit of an odd situation. He had now, on top of everything that happened to him these past few months, been rejected by someone he didn't want to be rejected by. He knew she'd probably say she didn't think the same way of him, but he had to get it out either way. Now he started to feel the regret. He knew this was going to change their relationship drastically.

They were walking to Herbology together; Harry of course, was talking with Dumbledore as usual. As they walked, Ron tried his best to start some small talk.

"So- erm- how did your homework come? For Potions?"

"Alright, I suppose. I re-did the paper at least three times before I got it where I wanted it to go."

"Three? I barely made it past one."

"Well, Ron, you never were one to keep up with homework," she replied, opening the doors to go outside.

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that..."

Silence.

Now it was Hermione who tried to say something to break the pause.

"Going to the dance?"

Ron didn't want her to ask this.

"Uh- maybe. I haven't decided yet. Draco's asked you, 'course."

"Actually, he hasn't," she said, hopping over a small rock lying in the grass.

"Oh really?" Ron smirked.

"Don't get any ideas, Ronald," she replied, knowing what he was thinking. "Will you ask Mandy?"

"No. She's dating George now."

Hermione sighed. "You, Fred, George... what is it with her and Weasleys?"

"Beats me..."

"Sooner or later, she'll be asking for Percy's address," she said, smiling.

Ron laughed. He couldn't believe it... he was laughing.

"It's about time that laugh of yours turned up again," Hermione said.

Ron nodded as they approached Hagrid's cabin. "Yeah, about time indeed."

((Agh, that sucked. Oh well. I'm having a bit of writer's block currently.))

Crazy

Thu, 03 May 2007 03:32:33 GMT

Ron's mind was spinning more than ever lately. He could only focus on the bad parts of his current life. Hermione was dating Draco, his sister might like Seamus, his mum was still sick, his best friend was never around anymore....

He wanted to just scream. This was so dumb... so bloody dumb and he couldn't do a blasted thing about it. Just sit back and watch. The voice in his head was gone, but his suicidal thoughts were definitely starting to come back. Hermione started realizing this and confronted him about it. She found him sitting at a table in the common room reading a chapter in his Transfiguration book late one night when everyone else was already upstairs.

"Ron, it's late, shouldn't you go to bed?" she asked quietly, sitting down in the chair next to him.

"Shouldn't you be off snogging Draco somewhere?" The words came out of his mouth before he had time to think about what he was saying. Her mouth dropped slightly and she glared at him.

"What is your problem, Ron? What's so wrong with me dating Draco?" she snapped.

"What's wrong? Think about what you just said, Hermione. Draco. Draco! The one we've hated since first year. The one who called you a mudblood. The one who only wants to be with you because you're innocent and he thinks you'll do anything for him. I just- I just don't-"

"You don't get it?" she finished for him. "No one does! But we don't care! I love him, and he loves me. It's as simple as that."

"Do you? Do you really love him?"

Hermione paused for a moment, then stuttered. "Yes- yes I do."

"I guess that's that then," Ron stated, slamming his book shut. He started to get up when Hermione started talking.

"What's up with you, lately, Ron? You've been so... mean! You don't listen to me anymore. I've been trying to help you with your," she paused, trying to find the right words, "...past situation, but if that's starting again-"

"Is that what this is about? You think I want to try committing suicide again?"

Hermione blinked. "Well- yeah, a little."

Ron sighed, closing his eyes, trying to keep his anger in. He plopped back down into the chair and set his head in his hands. "I don't know anymore, Hermione. I had one thing set in my mind that was keeping me going, but that's obviously not going to work out and now I'm just- frustrated. I don't mean to take it out on you, I really don't," he said, looking up, "but you're the only one who even bothers to talk to me anymore. I've been taking it for granted, I guess."

Hermione looked curiously back at him. "What was it?"

"What was what?"

"The thing that was keeping you going. I just want to know in case I can do anything about it. I want to help you, Ron," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder.

Ron looked down at her hand. "It doesn't matter anymore, Hermione."

"I still want to know," she said.

Ron stood up, letting her hand fall from his shoulder. He paced back and forth a little. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to so bad. But he had told the truth: it didn't matter. Not now. Not after her decision. He looked over at her, staring into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes, and couldn't keep it in...

"I love you, okay?"

Love and Pain Have the Same Number of Letters

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 04:15:25 GMT

Ron didn't know what to do. All he could do was stand there in a semi-circle with his friends and family while they all stared hopefully at Mrs. Weasley. Her eyes were closed and her breathing soft, but Ron knew that inside she was fighting the largest battle she'd ever have to face. He wanted to pull out his wand and heal her, by any way possible. He wanted to call a magic doctor to get rid of the cancer, but there was no such spell. Just like Muggle cancer, Wizard cancer is just the same. Unprevented, the cancer Mrs. Weasley now had was spreading rapidly through her body. Just thinking about this made Ron want to go try to kill himself again. The pain was so immense that it was literally making his heart throb. But not even a single tear came to his eye. Not one. Even he didn't quite know the answer to why this was, but watching Ginny sitting on his mum's bedside, squeezing onto her pale hand made him want to cry until all the water inside his body was gone. And still, nothing.

Fred sat next to George on the opposite side of the room, and like before, Ron and Fred's eyes danced everywhere but each other. George seemed to be staring at the same spot on the wall for the past fifteen minutes, while Fred's gaze was glued to the floor. Bill, Charlie, and Percy all stood together next to Fred, but they were talking quietly amongst themselves, about Mrs. Weasley, Ron assumed. Then there was Mr. Weasley by Percy, and Harry to the other side of him, next to Ron. Ron was so grateful that at least one of his closest friends could come. And then his mind meandered to her. How was she? How did the funeral go? He knew he should at least send her an owl....

Ron turned to Harry. "I'll be back," he mouthed. Harry nodded, then turned back to Mrs. Weasley. Ron waltzed out of his parents' room and to his own down the hall. He pulled out a piece of spare parchment left in his desk over the summer and an almost dry jar of ink. Taking a quill from another drawer on the desk, he dipped it in the ink and began to write.

Dear Hermione...

Downhill

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 03:57:00 GMT

Ron hadn't been this upset since... well he had actually never been this upset. He felt like such a wimp, moping around the castle, hanging his head, crying in his dormitory while everyone else was in the common room, laughing, playing games, talking with no cares or troubles....

But not him. There had been so much on his mind lately. First the break up, then his attempted suicide. This is what hit him the most. He had actually tried to commit suicide. What was the matter with him? Was he literally going mental? But of course, there was the one thing that had saved him from that: Hermione. She seemed like the most important thing to him right now. He felt like he'd do anything to help make her happy again. But just at the time when she needed him most, he couldn't help. She'd be going to the funeral for her parents while he went to go see his dying mum. Why did things always have to conflict? Why can't it ever seem to be getting better? Just downhill... everything... all downhill.

Ron wiped away yet another blasted tear that had dribbled down to his chin as he packed clothes into his trunk. He, Harry, George, Ginny, and sadly Fred as well, would be going to visit Mrs. Weasley Friday evening and staying there as long as needed. Now he could only hope for the best. But would there actually be a best?

Coping

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 05:44:42 GMT

Ron wasn't planning on it being like this, but with the way things had been turning out lately, he was too scared to ask anyone to the dance. Relationships just weren't his cup of tea these past few years. He assumed Mandy would be going with Fred; just the thought made him want to gag himself. And he would've asked Hermione to go, but she'd be going with Malfoy....

There were plenty of other girls he wouldn't mind asking, but it just didn't feel right. Not yet. So as he laid his jeans and blue jacket out on his bed in the dormitory, he thought about how another dance alone would feel.

The End

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 22:11:52 GMT

((Continued from "Burdened."))

Ron finally entered the boy's lavitory after a short conversation with Emma that angered him even more than he already was. He locked the door so she couldn't follow him and try and stop him. How would she know what he was going through anyway?

Exactly. She's tormenting you...

Ron was getting tired of this voice. It was nagging him and bringing him down even more.

You know what you have to do.

I do know, Ron thought. He went over to one of the circular sinks in the corner and began filling it up. He waited until the water level rose to the rim of the sink before turning off the faucet. He hesistated for a moment, looking at his face one more time in the mirror. His reflection nodded to him and he plunged his face into the water.

In only about one minute, all of this will be gone. All of this pain will be over, the voice continued.

Ron closed his eyes, counting in his head the number of seconds passing. One... two... threee....

But suddenly, another voice came to his mind. It was Emma, from their conversation only a few minutes ago.

Whatever you do, Ron, you can't- kill yourself.

You're not honestly going to listen to this girl are you?

Four... five....

If that's what you were planning.

She'd be the only one who knew.... Don't let her come in the way of this.

Six... seven... eight....

There are so many other ways to get through this situation....

What other ways are there?

Nine... ten....

Do you ever want a chance with Mandy again? Because if you kill yourself, that chance will never come.

She doesn't know what she's talking about....

Eleven... twelve....

And what about your mum and dad? And sister? And brothers? If you kill yourself, and then something happens to your mum too, imagine what that will do to your family.

Your family will be fine. They never really cared about you anyway. All those hand-me-downs and knick-knacks....

Thirteen... fourteen... fifteen....

People care about you, Ron....

Just after Emma's voice repeated this, someone grabbed Ron by the shoulders, yanking him out of the water. He collapsed onto the ground, coughing and sputtering.

"What in world did you think you were doing?! I can't believe you could be that thick!" someone shouted at him. Ron wiped the liquid off his eyes and opened them to see Hermione sitting there awestruck.

"Well, then, you obviously don't know me as well as you thought," he said, smirking.

"Oh, Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, her expression transferring from anger to the motherly care he knew so well. She threw her arms around his neck. "I was so scared. I saw Emma in the corridor, crying. I asked her what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me at first, but then she finally said that she thought you were going to kill yourself. She said she felt awful because she tried to help but didn't think it did anything. She tried to follow you but noticed you locked the door. I tried pushing it open and finally used magic to unlock it, but when I saw you standing there..." she stopped, letting her grip on him go, but Ron knew what she would've said.

"Well, be sure to tell her that it worked, her voice wouldn't leave my head. But tell her it just wasn't good enough."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, her visage confused.

Ron pulled out his wand and aimed it at his chest.

"Avada Kedevra!" he shouted. Hermione screamed, but it was too late. Ron was gone...

((APRIL FOOLS! Haha I fooled you so bad! Okay, back to what really happened.))

Starting from: but Ron knew what she would've said.

"I'm alright now, aren't I?" he asked.

"Well, yes, but I don't know you won't try something like this again," she replied. He didn't respond to this statement. "Please Ron," she begged. "I know you couldn't promise Emma you wouldn't do it, but I'm asking you to promise me. Promise me you won't kill yourself."

There was an awkward silence as Ron's mind wandered. But then it hit him. Emma was right after all. People really did care. Look at where he was now. And this was when Ron's head was cleared, when the voice that was slowly driving him insane left for good.

His gaze burned into Hermione's. "I promise."

Burdened

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:59:12 GMT

((Continued from "Over."))

Ron reached the Gryffindor common room a few minutes later.

"Password?" the Fat Lady asked.

"Licorice snap," he replied. The Fat Lady frowned.

"Are you alright, dear?" she asked, noticing his lowered head and muffled words.

"Shove off. Just let me in," he snapped. Taken aback, the Fat Lady did as she was told and opened the portrait hole for him. He put his jacket hood up over his head so that no one would notice his tear-stained face and red eyes and climbed through.

"Hey Ron." He heard Harry's voice coming from the couch in the common room. Ron merely waved his hand and continued up to the dormitory. He knew Harry would wonder why Ron wasn't talking, but he also knew Harry would let Ron be for a while.

He quickly ran up the cement steps to the dormitory, sighing with relief when he realized the other Gryffindor boys weren't there. He slid his hood off his head and sat down on his bed, placing his head in his hands. He then fell back on the bed, but heard something crumple under him. Reaching behind his back, he pulled out a small piece of parchment from under him. He sat up and opened it to find it stained with a few tear droplets from the writer, who he instantly noticed was Ginny, from her handwriting.

Ron-

Sorry I didn't come to you in person. I didn't know if I could get it all out without breaking down again. Mum's sick, Ron. She's really, really sick. Lexi said it was cancer. I'm so scared.... Will she be alright? I think we should go see her, sometime before end-of-year exams. We need to get to her quick in case- something happens. Please don't be upset with me for writing you instead. I love you, Ron. I'll see you soon, okay?

Gin

Ron couldn't believe this. Everything was collapsing at once. He lost his girlfriend, his brother betrayed him, and now his mum might die? He felt like there were rocks slowly pushing into his head. The rest of him felt empty.

You know there's something that can solve your emptiness, right? a voice inside his head told him.

Hah. Yeah right. Nothing can help.

There's always a way out.... the voice continued.

Yeah? And what is that? I don't see any open doors right now.

Just leave... go... forget life. There's no point in you staying now. Your family is falling apart, your relationships are breaking... there's nothing left for you here.

Ron thought for a moment. Maybe this voice was right. Maybe it would be best for him to just- go. He slid off the bed and headed out the dormitory, passed Harry yet again in the common room, ignored the scoffs of the Fat Lady in the corridor, and walked quickly to the boy's bathroom.

((More to come))

Over

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 05:15:19 GMT

((Continuing from Mandy's narration.))

Ron stood there, speechless and stunned. All he could do was watch them, kissing for what seemed like ages. At last, his voice returned.

"What- what's going on?" he asked, his voice shaking with a mixture of anger and betrayal. They both let go of each other and stepped back, their gazes flying towards Ron.

"Oh, hey Ron," Mandy said, running her fingers through her slightly messed-up hair. Fred's head hung down, and all Ron wanted to do was have Fred look at his eyes, at his glare.

"...I don't get it. Guess I'm not enough for you, Mandy," he said, his watery eyes turning to her.

"Ron... I can explain... besides, it was just a friendly kiss..."

"No, Mandy, it wasn't. If you didn't want to be with me, that's all you had to say."

"That's not it-"

"That's exactly it," Ron snapped. For one of the first times in his life, tears were coming down his cheeks like miniature waterfalls. "It's over."

Mandy began to cry too. And maybe it was from Ron's raging emotions, or maybe it was true, but all he thought the tears were, were her surprise, not unhappiness. If she was happy, she wouldn't have done this....

Now Ron turned to Fred, who had brought his head back up at the sound of Mandy sobbing.

"I hate you," Ron sneered. But Fred kept his gaze on Mandy, not once looking at Ron. "I can't believe I have to call you my brother. Why would you do something like that? Guess you never care when I'm happy."

Fred's eyes met Ron's for a split second, but by that time, Ron was already turning around, heading back to Hogwarts, wanting nothing to do with Mandy... nothing to do with Fred... nothing to do with life....

((More to come))