Ronin_of_Cinema's Xanga

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:24:31 GMT

Just to let everyone know I posted my journal from my trip to Haiti on my blog: www.myruinedself.blogspot.com.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 12:40:46 GMT

I’ve started another blog so I doubt I’ll be posting here much anymore. I’m still keeping this site up though. I’ve needed a more professional blog for some time so I thought I would just go ahead and start one. If you want check it out go to www.myruinedself.blogspot.com.

Matt

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 19:54:35 GMT

I announced it at church this morning so I thought I would ahead and do it here as well. I’ve stepped out on faith and have set the goal of moving to Haiti. It’s my plan to leave in two years and stay for two years. It looks like I would teach Bible and English classes. I have not the means or the strength to do this alone so I ask for your prayers. Thank you.

Matt

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 17:36:30 GMT

I thought I would post my journal entries from the Haiti trip. I’m trying not to forget how I felt when I was there. It’s funny how quickly the things of this life cloud my vision and deaden my heart to the need in this world. I have slightly edited the entries for clarity and withheld some more personal comments. I apologize for my horrible grammar and random thought process.

Matt

1-11-07

I’m sitting on the roof of the orphanage in Haiti. It’s pitch black. I’m using a flashlight to write. Haiti hits you like a ton of bricks. The poverty is staggering. From the air it’s a mountainous wilderness. Port-au-Prince sits in a bowl or amphitheater. Skeletons of houses stretch for miles. Sail boats dotted the sun bronzed sea. The airport is under UN control. Brazilian troops man posts with machine guns. The city is a huge slum. The streets are lined with people who have nothing. Everything is in decay. Nothing seems new. All appears hopeless. The rich sit up on the mountain their lights only make the poor seem poorer. I’m ill at ease. I’m ashamed of myself. The girls swarmed us desiring love. O Lord help me love. Teach me your kindness. Show me your heart. Teach me to love like you do.

1-12-07

I’ve only been here about 24 hours and I already love one of the girls. Her name is Lovia. I would raise her as my daughter. She deserves a father and a mother so do they all. Today we did a number of things. I got up with the sun. I read some of Isaiah. I shot some video. We cleared some land. I learned how to use a machete. We went to Deli Mart. Four men with shotguns stand outside for security. UN vehicles all over. Then we played with the girls. The sunrise and the sunset were beautiful. Lord, come to these people. Heal this land. Heal them! Be strong! Be merciful! Lord, come in a mighty way. Be salvation to Haiti.

1-13-07

Today was good. Up early. We restacked broken desks. We cleaned out the shed. Then we went up to Petionville. It was incredible. The people, the culture, the market. I loved it. I bought a few statues. One is a warrior with a sword blowing a couch shell. I will put it next to my crocodile from PNG. I cannot control my thoughts for 10 minutes! Why can’t I forget myself and love others? Lord, open my eyes to your will. Lord, be kind. Lord, be mighty. Lord, show me how to serve. Lord, guide me in the day and protect me in the night.

1-14-07

Today was church. It was moving yet I didn’t understand a word. I was thinking about culture and people. It is amazing how different we are yet how similar we are. The church is a wooden lean-to with a tin roof. But the church is in the hearts of the people not some building. I spent two or more hours playing with the girls. I love them all. Am I going to be changed by this trip? Or will I stay the same? Will I harden my heart to all the need in this world? Lord, change me! Even if I don’t want to! Change me! Allow me to concentrate on you. Lord, change me!

1-15-07

We went to the beach today. It was incredible. The water was beautiful. I found some rocks and shells. I stared at the sea for hours. Such beauty, such poverty! We drove through areas that looked like war zones. Well, some of them are war zones I guess. How do I describe the poverty? How to I tell of what I’ve seen? Lord, give me words. Give me insight. Lord, be my guide. Lord, help me. Lord, teach me what I need to know. Show me. Teach me how to love. Lord, change me. Show me how to change. Change me. Help me to live, O Lord. Change me! Lord, I need to change! Change me! I praise you, my Creator!

1-16-07

Today we went to Tony’s. He’s a crazy monk that helps handicapped and dying children. I can’t describe the children at his place. He asked for a volunteer to help him change a bandage on a little baby who’s covered in sores. I must admit that I was afraid so I didn’t volunteer. I didn’t think about the Lord or about helping a sick child. I thought about not getting germs. Why I am I so selfish? I don’t ever think about the Lord during the day. I think about myself, sex, food or fantasies. Lord, change me! Wake me up to the way you would have me be. Be my Father. Be my heart. Lord, be real. Show me how to be real. Give me the words and the heart to share what you’ve done for me. Help me share my life.

1-17-07

Our last full day. We’ve worked outside. I fixed the swing set. The day isn’t half over and I’m super tired. Lunch isn’t going to be served for hours. I’m going to play with the girls tonight. I’m going to give up my time. Lord, keep me calm and loving. Lord, teach me how to love these kids. Lord, give me strength and wisdom.

1-18-07

We just took of from Ft. Lauderdale. It was spectacular! The lights of the city were incredible. There were huge ships on the ocean. It was amazing. I didn’t want to leave this morning. Lovia was sad. She came up early this morning and we sat together for awhile. She went to school but she skipped out later and came back up. She cried. I cried. We talked and played a little while. Then she got busted and had to go back to school. The last I saw her was as she ran around the corner and disappeared. Then we left. I’m fighting back tears right now. I didn’t want to leave. I could have stayed. I knew this would happen. I knew before I ever left the States. How could I come to love her so much in so short of time? But it’s not only her what about Hosana, Landa and all the others? Lord, protect them. Keep them safe. Hold them and put your hand on them. Protect the innocent children. They are at your mercy.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 13:35:59 GMT

If you could be in prayer for a guy I work with named Will Jenkins. His brother was killed yesterday in Iraq by an IED. He's having a rough time and so are his parents as you can imagine. Will has cerebral palsy so he's no stranger to struggles. He's a really cool guy and I don't think he's saved. Thanks.

Matt

Monday, January 29, 2007

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:59:48 GMT

Please pray for Melissa. She has polio and has to have her legs amputated.

Matt

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 15:59:11 GMT

Church was cancelled because of the snow so I thought I would update. Haiti was awesome. I had a great time. I learned a lot and my eyes were opened to a lot of new things. Since I’ve been on short term trips (Belize, Papua New Guinea) before I wasn’t shocked by the poverty or even the suffering. I was shocked at how little it affects me and others here in the States. It is so easy to get into a day-after-day existence and never realize that it is our responsibility as bearers of the name of Christ to act as he did. Please be praying for the girls at the orphanage. If they are not adopted by the time they are 16 they have to leave the house. Most in that case would have to live on the streets and be forced into prostitution. If you want to learn more visit www.haitishoh.org or check Leslie’s xanga: heart4haiti. Here are some pictures:

Please be praying for these little girls in Haiti.

Matt

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 12:11:37 GMT

Please be praying for us while we’re in Haiti! I spent most of last night packing. I think I got everything together. I hope so anyway. We leave Thursday and I’m getting excited. I’ve been praying that the Lord will use me in ways I can’t even imagine. I’m looking forward to meeting the orphans, clearing land and whatever else needs to be done.

I’m still reading in Isaiah and I came across 51:16 today:

I have put my words in your mouth
       and covered you with the shadow of my hand—
       I who set the heavens in place,
       who laid the foundations of the earth,
       and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.' "

This verse really encouraged me and became my prayer that the Lord would put his words into my mouth and cover me with his hand.

Matt

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 13:47:56 GMT

I’ve been trying to prepare for the Haiti trip. I haven’t packed or anything like that. J I’ve been trying to prepare my heart. I’ve seen abject and utter poverty in Belize and Papua New Guinea so I know some of what I’m in for. I know how hard it is to be humble, thankful and respectful not to mention loving. I’ve been trying to push all the selfish concerns out of my mind like safety, comfort and expense. I’ve been praying a lot. Praying that the Lord will open my heart to the people I meet and to the work he has for me. The Lord always seems to bring to my mind Isaiah ch 58:

1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
       Raise your voice like a trumpet.
       Declare to my people their rebellion
       and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
       they seem eager to know my ways,
       as if they were a nation that does what is right
       and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
       They ask me for just decisions
       and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
       'and you have not seen it?
       Why have we humbled ourselves,
       and you have not noticed?'
       "Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
       and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
       and in striking each other with wicked fists.
       You cannot fast as you do today
       and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
       only a day for a man to humble himself?
       Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
       and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
       Is that what you call a fast,
       a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
       to loose the chains of injustice
       and untie the cords of the yoke,
       to set the oppressed free
       and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
       and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
       when you see the naked, to clothe him,
       and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
       and your healing will quickly appear;
       then your righteousness ^[a] will go before you,
       and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
       you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
       "If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
       with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
       and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
       then your light will rise in the darkness,
       and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
       he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
       and will strengthen your frame.
       You will be like a well-watered garden,
       like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and will raise up the age-old foundations;
       you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
       Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
       and from doing as you please on my holy day,
       if you call the Sabbath a delight
       and the LORD's holy day honorable,
       and if you honor it by not going your own way
       and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
       and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
       and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
       The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

How do I humble myself? Do I humble myself with words and for only one day then go back to my sin? Or do I humble myself with deeds by serving others?

I must admit these thoughts have really make me struggle. I am at the point where I know many things about the Lord but do I act on them? I must answer no most of the time. Knowing the truth is not enough. The truth must alter my life and guide decisions and control my actions or it does me no good to know it.

This time of year is always strange for me. I have a tendency to look back over the past year and remember wasted opportunities instead of looking ahead. New Year only seems to remind me that I’m older, alone and a failure. It takes a lot of effort for me to see the New Year as a chance to change. Yet I know that is true. And of course I even know that the chance to change doesn’t come only at the New Year. It comes with every new day. If yesterday I was unloving, today I can love. If yesterday I was selfish, today I can be selfless. If yesterday I was ungrateful, today I can be grateful. Again though knowing the truth and acting on it are two different things.

Matt

Monday, December 18, 2006

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 14:12:05 GMT

I’m reading Isaiah and this verse jumped out at me today:

Isaiah 26:12 - Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.

I watched a lot of movies this weekend:

The Nativity Story – Not bad. A few stilted scenes. Fairly accurate and well presented for a religious movie.

Steamboy – A spectacularly animated Japanese feature. The story however was lacking.

Apocalypto – It seems Gibson couldn’t decide whether this was an epic or a personal film. Okay but not great. Brilliant costumes, cast and locations though.

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – Actually better than the first and second ones which is not saying much. It’s basically a 104 minute ad for a lifestyle that preaches utter contempt for law, responsibility and women set to cool music.

Matt