stupid jobi am extremely pissed. i just want to apologize right now for the bad spelling. so i'm working as a MISA rehab coordinator. i work with some manipulators, liars, deniers, and two-faced people. They want to act defensive when i accuse them of using and then tell me that they're clean and give me dirty pee. i'm here to help them, they refuse it, saying they don't need anything, and then run away, go missing, isolate themselves, and then only when they are down in the ground will they ask for help. i am no longer empathtic. i don't care what happens to them. i will only give them the resources that they need but will no longer try to force it on them. i've pounded on doors, called numerous times, confronted them only for them to try to bring me down. they try to hurt my feelings, make me feel bad.... why? cause i'm calling them out? cause i'm trying to help them stay in recovery? cause i'm trying to do what's best for them? i used to feel bad for them.... i used to feel empathetic..... i used to care. i still care, but i don't feel bad for them anymore. i'm not going to let them make me feel like crap just because i'm trying to do my job. my heart's harden... but it's for the best. i can only offer so much help.... and honeslty, i don't feel like being used again, to be called various names, or told certain things because it's not what they want to hear. i'm not their friend. i'm their caseworker. if i think you're using, you better damn well give me some pee when i ask for it. and you bet your ass i'll watch you pee to make sure that it's yours. how are you going to give me cold urine and tell me that you have poor blood circulation? PEOPLE!!! URINE IS NEVER COLD. i know what alcohol smells like, i know what weed smells like, and now i know what crack smells like. don't tell me that i don't know what i'm smelling. i know the difference between mint tea and weed. i know what a rolled up ciggerate looks like and i know what a joint looks like. i'm tired of being lied to. i know, i know, they're addicts... they always lie.... they always manipulate.... i know what to expect. but this job.... i don't know how long i'll last here. one thing for sure, my next job will have nothing to do with substance abuse. just super pissed. they act so helpless and want and want and want... and when you stop they flip out on you. i'm not a taxi service. yes i'll come with you to your appointments but i'm not taking you to the grocery store. walk or take a bus. car pool with your family, friends. call your sponser. INCREASE YOUR SOBER NETWORK. you cannot always rely on me. i'm not your personal chauffer... and don't be pissed if i don't let you borrow money. why should i? why should i trust that you'll pay me back? you shouldm't be asking me for money. i'm your CASEWORKER not your friend, your pal, your bitch. i am not a bitch. i am not stupid. i'm not mean. i'm not inconsiderate. i'm not your friend. yes i'm nice. yes i sometimes don't mind driving you places. yes i don't mind treating you to a soda every once in a while.... but its if i feel like it. don't expect it from me. don't get mad when i don't give you something. and i don't owe you anything. don't you dare say i owe you something. ok.... i'm done venting. lol i know noones going to read this but i feel a LOT better. | 
