Well, I'm finally back in the dorms.  I'm glad, because I feel like I have freedom once again.  I don't know what's really up with me today, but I feel really antisocial.  I don't feel like laughing or even smiling for that matter.  I still think I'm trying to find myself.

I really want to have a better sense of who I am.  Am I who I am because of what others want or expect from me, or do I do the things I do because I really want to do them?  It's been on my mind for the past couple of days and I guess I still don't know what I really want.  Sometimes, when I do something, it feels like I'm not doing it for myself.  It's more like I'm doing it to please somebody else in one way or another, and I just get satisfaction from pleasing them.  Or maybe not.  Even writing here on xanga, I don't know why I'm doing it.  I mean, I could always keep a digital journal in Microsoft Word rather than doing this and letting all others read what goes through my mind, but I choose not to.  It probably has to do with this site being more convenient.  Besides, I'm sure everyone has better stuff to do than read my journal anyways. 

Overall, my winter break went pretty well.  I got to spend time with my friends from back home, but I also got to spend time with my best friend from STLCOP.  I love spending time with her, but sometimes she confuses me so much.  One minute, we're having fun, and the next, things will get weird and sad.  I hate moments like that.  Well, I feel no need to go on typing, because I need to go do other things like look for books.  Hopefully, things won't seem so gloomy, and things will start to get brighten up again.