Is Xanga dead? Have we all abandoned Xanga for Myspace? I can admit that I kinda have... lol... Stayed home from school today, wasn't feeling too hot, but I'll be there tomorrow... Somehow I just can't seem to stay away from that place for too long...

so as no one seems to read this anymore... ya, well... I'll just continue to talk to myself, as that's what I usually do...

As predicted, Monday didn't get better... last week was worse, yes, but this week and that one combined have made life downright miserable, and I just want to rewind and go back to right before Christmas: when I could've made things better... if I'd known then what I know now, some of this would have been easier to handle... just a little easier, buuuut...

"No one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in your hands. And breathe.... just breathe..." <<<Anna Nalick... Breathe... that song is my life put into music.

and now I leave you with some depressing quotes, cuz... well... I can.

EvErYoNe SeEs WhO I *A p P e A r* Ta Be
BuT OnLI a FeW kNow tHe *R E A L* Me
U oNLi sEe WhaT I *c H o O s E* Ta sHow
TheRes sO mUcH bEhInD mY *S M i L E*
[y o u * j u s t * d o n t * k n o w]

behind my smile is a hurting heart
behind my laugh i'm [falling] apart
look closely at me and you will see
the girl [ i am ] -isn't me

Her: (whispering) Hey
Him: Hi..
Her: Do you love me?
Him: Definitely not.
Her: Would you ever sing to me in the rain?
Him: Nuh-uh.
Her: Would you miss me if I was gone?
Him: Probably not.
(& he didn't even see the dagger pierce through her heart)

... so the cast list goes up today in T-minus... about 10 minutes...she didn't put it up earlier cuz she's afraid to be jumped by a whole bunch of musical kids! (random thought: I wonder if it would be a choreographed attack, with a whole buncha teenagers dancing at her, and gracefully leaping? THEN singing their anger at her??? hahahahaha)  I'm not at school to see it for myself cuz I have to go to work early today so I don't get to see it!!!! That was just another freaking thing ruining this week... but it's ok! I'll live... I always do...

...this week has sucked... and I'm sick of it...

... thank GOD it's the weekend!... but Monday won't be better...

Alas, musical kids: it's out of our hands now! All we can do is cross our fingers... and pray... honestly, I just don't want to get cut... a part would be nice... but is highly unlikely... I've come to grips with it...

*crosses fingers*

luv ya all!

THanks much to Val!

20 People you can think of Right Off Your Head

1. Jillian

2. Touie

3. Val

4. Brandy

5. Becca

6. Matt

7. Ethan

8. Justin

9. Ryan

10. Andrew Cotts! (lol)

11. Mallory

12. Dr. Chilton

13. Colin

14. Richey

15. Eugene

16. Ashley

17. Kelsey

18. JOSH WING

19. Julia

20. Shannon

___________________________

How did you meet 13?
Musical last year…

What would you do if you never met 5?
die

What do you honestly think of 10?
haha… he’s my hero! Lol… no, he’s a fabulous musician

Have you ever liked 3?
uuuh…. She’s Val… who wouldn’t?

Would 4 and 11 make a good couple?
haha! Sexy as hell!

Do you think 12 is hot?
…no… he’s snazzy!!!! lmao

Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple?
…could have a bit of a height issue there…

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 15?
EWWW! He’s my LIL SISTER!!!!!!!!!!1

What language does 19 speak?
English and some Spanish

Who is 8 going out with?
see the list of 8 million reasons he’s single that I kept telling him…

Is 9 a boy or a girl?
BOY!

When was the last time you talked to 18?
THE CHOIR CONCERT!

What is 1's favorite band?
haha…haha…haha… let’s go with Greenday!!!!!!!

Does 2 have any siblings?
Me, Tina, and my lil brother the monkey

Would you ever date 7?
not really… not that I don’t love him and all… buuuuut…… he’s my friend’s MOM! Seriously now!

Is 15 single?
yessir! Any ladies out there want the hook-up?

What is 4's middle name?
Nicole

What is 2's fantasy?
well, haha… no… that is too easy to make fun of her with!

Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?
sure???

Whats 16's favorite color?
blue?

What school does 6 go to?
Penn hills high school

Where does 9 live?
in my locker…. duh

Would you make out with 1?
oh, we have…. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST KIDDING!

Are 5 & 6 best friends?
I don’t think they even know each other…

What is your history with 20?
Met in marching band (colorguard) and I told her a story!

Do you have a crush on any of the numbers?
not really…

Well, Christmas is over, and I couldn't have asked for a better break! Worked a lot, but still had time to spend with the people I love.  On the gift front, I did pretty well: MP3 player (I was getting an I-Pod, but Matt Kutcher talked my family out of that... oh well, honestly makes no difference to me! I can still download and play music!!!!),  and lots of money that paid my insurance bill, some Disney fees, with still a lil left for fun... Some sweaters, and best of all: MY FREAKING PHANTOM OF THE OPERA TICKETS!!! whoot-whoot!

Guys and Dolls auditions are tomorrow, and after a freakin' fabulous GUYS AND DOLLS PARTAY, I'm not all that terribly nervous. Of course, I am sick as a freaking dog (thank you family, touie, and matt... plus the riff-raff who shop at Walgreen's that I have to help *which is bad cuz I'm a germaphobe*).

The New Year has never meant all that much to me, just the fact that I have to break the mold and write a different date on my papers... Think about it: we're still in the same year of school, still the same age, the Steelers are in the same season... etc etc etc.  THIS NEW YEAR, however? This is my graduation year... finally, I see 2006 on things that aren't my clothes.  This is the year I go off to college, and the year I turn 18. This is a big one... yay 2006!

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road... time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go... so make the best of this test and don't ask why... it's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.  It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you've had the time of your life.

^^^^^ *happy sigh* ^^^^^