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Samipanda
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Name: Samantha
Gender: Female
Interests: Acting, singing, dancing, photography, playing the guitar and piano, tennis, the beach...
Expertise: Making pancakes, fixing computers, writing, learning song lyrics on demand?
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
5/24/2005
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| Now or Never...So, I think it's safe to say that it's been long enough since I updated this thing. I guess I've figured that if all I have to report is bad news I might as well save myself the heartache of committing it to writing and just screw the whole thing instead. Summer is hard on me as always... I'm truly happiest when I'm busiest, so long, lazy summer days just translate into added anxiety. I feel like this is a time of change for me. I'm learning a lot about people, who to trust, and who not to, and that, even if you try your best, some things will inevitably crumble to dust. Summer is half over, in a few weeks I'll get ready to go back to school. I'm excited to go back, but at the same time, I'm not looking forward to having to deal with some of the problems I left untouched in April. Coming to terms with crap of any kind has never been my strong suit. I always think things should be picture perfect and "right" in the end. But I'm realizing that's not real life. Do things really fall apart so that better things can fall together? I guess I'll let you know. | | |
| Hope dangles on a string...I kind of wish I knew exactly what it is that's bothering me. I mean, I have an idea. All of the crap I've struggled with for the past decade or so is pushing me to the end of my rope, I know that. It's just... I'm so discontented about everything. I keep hoping that if I do more of this or that it will be better, but it's really not working. I feel like I need something more, and I don't really know what that something is. I've gotten better about not bottling things up. I actually try to share what's wrong with me if people take the opportunity to care. However, I'm noticing most people really don't care. They have their own assortment of problems, every bit as debilitating in one way or another as mine, and they don't have the desire, or the capacity, to actually help. So by doing what people have told me to do my entire life, and trying to be more open and NOT push people away, I, in effect, am pushing people away because I've become a whiny pain in the ass and I'm still not any better. Exhibit A: This blog. | | |
| Christmas Break-Down...So I know you were expecting a bitchy entry about my winter break. Quite frankly, it wouldn't feel like the holidays without me having a minor breakdown, so... I really despise not having enough to do. Like I have all of these retarded projects that I get into, and I don't end up finishing half of them because I don't realize until after I buy everything that all I'm doing is just meaninglessly filling time. And I hate that. I've lost patience for just about anything and everything, and all I really want to do is have the damn semester start so I can get onstage again. Plus, I'm working on applications for colleges over the break, and I don't know if I will even be able to get myself to actually GO to any of them, but I really don't have a major here. I'm sending an application into the University of Pennsylvania which scares the crap out of me because I don't know if they will want me or not... And then I'm sending one to UD, but they don't even have an undergrad theatre performance degree, and why am I going to major in music performance when all I'll be studying is music theory for the next two years?!? So... That's enough of me for a while. | | |
| BooBoo.
That is all.
And grrr.
Ok, THAT that is all.
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| Spanksgiving!So... I don't know what the HECK I was thinking with my last little chipper post, but whatev. I now have nothing to do, so that sucks. Band was cancelled tonight, and that sucked. Lemme see, what else sucks... Well, anyway, you get the point. So I'm looking forward to going back next week, mainly for band. In the meantime I have my garage to finish from this SUMMER. Procrastinate? Who? Me? This Thanksgiving is basically me and my mom... So as long as she doesn't kill me things should be OK. I seem to be pissing a lot of people off lately, so maybe that's my fault. I really wish I wasn't a vegetarian now that it's time for turkey. Yes, I know that was random. If you wanna mess with me the weave is already on the nightstand. Thank you and goodnight. | | |
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