| | Lately I have been pretty emotional. Maybe it's just that time of the month, I don't know. But I think it has to do with the fact that I am a stuffer, and I made the conscious decision to not stuff any more. I'm going to allow myself to feel again, so that life doesn't go by in one big 'deal with it and get on with life.' It's been pretty hard, even leading to some stress attacks as I allowed myself to feel the weight of everything I was carrying. But God has been so gentle... Today was pretty emotional as well, as my sister Hannah and I sat down and went through a lot of stuff, personal and businesslike, and I expressed my worries about the amazing amount of money we still need for the schools (which are beginning to loom on the horizon, i.e. two weeks away). I am missing him, a lot lately as well. I need him to be strong for me, but he hasn't come yet... Then my dear friend, also named Sarah, came in from having a bad day, and as I sat comforting her, God put words of encouragement in my mouth. As I spoke them I realized that He was speaking to me as well. He said, Sarah, you are beautiful, and you have a Father who is so proud of you! He just wishes so badly that you could feel His arms around you, because it's really Him who is carrying you. All this stuff is just too heavy for you, and you couldn't carry it anyway, so stop wasting your time trying, because He's carrying you anyway! Everything is going to be ok... I cried as I realized that it was for me, too. He is so good! |
