i'm up too early in the morning, and i'm waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. mmmmm coffee goodness.

i'm bitchy about work again. i found out that they do a really stupid thing when the schedule the servers at our work that means i get less hours than some other people that have been there a shorter amount of time than i. it's through no fault of my own, just when the manager does it, she goes down the list of servers, from a to z, and adds how many she needs for the day. Well, because my name starts with an S, i'm mostly on the bottom, and i get screwed. does this seem unfair to anyone else? grrrr... seriously considering another job. i wouldn't normally be this sensitive, but it's slow right now and i'm not making enough money so every day counts. and no other servers are willing to give up their shifts because they need money just as bad as i do. freck. so this week, here's me down in the Castro, pounding the pavement.

we changed the decor of our room again... i'm done with the asian red and black thing, now i'm doing... hmmmm i don't even know what i'd call it. lots of drapy fabric and candles and black and purple and yeah. it looks good. we painted one of our dressers black and purple and the other one is still in progress.i'm happy with it so far but i wish our room was shaped a little differently. i've got two walls with french doors, one wall with windows, and one with a fireplace. (yes, i know i'm a lucky girl to have a fireplace in my bedroom). it makes it hard to put anything against a wall or put pictures up.

good news, though, the Padre is buying me a new stereo for the holidays. It's rather sad, but now my old one can retire. should i have it bronzed, wif? it did serve us well through many parties...;)

okay so i apologize for not posting in so very long. my computer is iffy, to say the best, and i can't always access xanga. that and i've been busy dealing with stuff here and have not had a ton of spare time.
other than that everything is okay. went to Fairfield for lil Morgan's (chosen family... son of a good friend) birthday party, we all pitched in to get him a playstation 2. lucky guy...
work is really slow. we haven't been able to do a whole lot this month since we had two birthdays. i hope it picks up more towards the end of december. ugh... i'm wishing for more tourists in my city. obviously i need to get another job that doesn't require working with them; they ruin my view of humanity.

speaking of ruining my view of humanity, i gotta move out of this part of SF. it's killin me. i'm tired of being harrassed all the time in public with my girlfriend (in SF!!!) and dodging the thugs and the dealers on the corner and the drunks by the bus stop and counting the rigs and empty bags that i can only guess what was contained therein. i'm tired of feeling like i still live in a place where bigotry is so alive and well... on both sides. i need to move to the castro where at least i know i won't be the only dyke on the block.
Slyde is still fantastic. i fall more and more in love with her every day. i've been dealing with some issues from my past that aren't exactly pretty... and she has been more than supportive. and yes, it's not anything really serious and i'm not depressed or anything, just a lil hermit-like. i think... maybe.. i'm actually starting to believe in my heart that it will all work out, and that we will stay together. i have such fears of abandonment and such self-esteem issues that sabatoging a relationship is not out of the question for me. luckily, she doesn't let me do that. and, also luckily, i'm getting my shit together in my head so that i'm not feeling destructive. i'm still going in circles with my "chosen career" and what i would like to do to make money. Art... has been calling me lately with a loud voice. painting? i thought maybe makeup was where i should go but i just don't think i can do it in a way that would make money. fashion shows, makeup, society bullshit. if i could just do it for my friends for costume parties and weddings and clubs and whatever, i think i'd be fine but if i had to do it on brain-washed sheep all day long i think i'd slit my throat.

funny... i still don't have all that many friends in the city. most of the people i care about are all still in Sacramento. not that they would know, cause i've been out of touch a lil bit lately. still... i think i need to make some new ones out here. there are some nice people at my work but for the most part they are just not my kind of folks.

i'm a lil worried about Slyde. She's having issues about her career, and whether or not she's worthy of a graphics job. *sigh* i know she needs some experience, but this fear of hers is keeping her from even going out and looking for the most part. and it doesn't help that her computer is about three years out of date now, and won't support some of the programs she needs. shoot... we can't even chat without it freezin the entire thing. so... if i can't help get her out of this funk... i don't know what i'm going to do. she wants to provide for me and it's killing her that she feels like she can't....

well... i should at least go start dinner...