Engaged!!

I've had this xanga through all sorts of relationship highs and lows and in-betweens (oh, high school).  Now, however, I'm writing to say that I'm getting married! 

That's all.

This Is My Season

I haven't been believing enough. 

Realizing this is liberating, in a way.  I'm free to believe God and His Word.  I'm free to believe that He really does deliver people.  I'm free to believe that He is working for my good.  I'm free to believe He has a purpose for my life and that following Him will give me abundant life.  I'm free to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit.

On the other hand, it's a little uncomfortable.  Believing in those things isn't normal.  Even among Christians, it's becoming less and less popular to really believe God.  If I really believe enough, I have a feeling not many people will approve, not even some of the people I'm really close to.  Am I going to be okay with that?

The thing it comes down to is this:
Nothing else compares to being where God wants me to be.  I could choose to live for myself and for other people, but where does that get me?  God wants to make me whole and give me a full life.  In him I "live and move and have my being."  Why would I not follow Him?

So call me radical.  Call me disappointing.  Call me wasted potential.  I am God's child, and I will call Him Leader.

This is my season of change. 

Exams are really cramping my style.
But life is going to be so nice when they're over.

I think I'm gonna be working at Cary GI again over Christmas break.  This is both good and bad.  Good because it's a job and I'll be able to make some money while doing mindless work.  Bad because it's mindless work and sucks the life out of me.  And it's time-consuming.  But time-consuming is also good because that means I'd be working a lot of hours.  Really it's more good than bad because it keeps me from being really lazy over break and it makes me feel better about not having a real job during the semester.

The important thing is that a break is coming.  This semester has been kind of strange.  Or maybe I've just been strange.  A lot of things are different, and that's okay.  Some new things are absolutely great and others will take getting used to, but that's just the nature of change.

God doesn't change though.  What I think about Him or where I am in my relationship with Him might change, but it's never because He changes.  He's eternal and constant and dependable.  And yet different people know Him in different ways, and I'm not sure I can say whether one is right and the other is wrong. 

I have a lot of questions and not so many answers, and that's fine with me for now.  As long as I'm seeking God and letting Him lead, I don't need to let myself be distracted by the things I don't know yet.  At the same time, though, I think it's okay to ask God for answers and clarification.

He's good, and I'm content.

I've been thinking about stories I've heard and people I've met who have been persecuted for being Christians.  Most of the stories we hear are about people who courageously proclaim their allegiance to Christ even when that means ridicule, imprisonment, or even death, but I'm sure there are many more instances of Christians backing down when they face persecution (and what would I do?). 
This summer in Ecuador, the missionaries took a big group of Quichua believers to a community called Chiquicha because the Church there was being persecuted and they wanted to show that there are a lot of Quichua people who are Christians.  I guess it was to encourage the believers there and show them that they're not alone.
But why is it that we even need that?  I'm in no way criticizing the believers in Chiquicha because I'm sure North American Christians would need that kind of encouragement (and even more so) if we were ever persecuted.  It just makes me think about how much we depend on other people instead of on God. 
Of course, God gives us other people to encourage us and teach us, but there are times when all we really have is God and we still can't make ourselves obedient to and dependent on Him.  Why?  Because we're afraid.  Because we don't really believe that He's gonna be there for us.  We "know" He cares, but it hasn't really sunk in yet. 

I've been looking at a lot of the things that I say I believe and seeing if I really do believe them.  Do they make a difference in my life?  Would I act on those beliefs if my circumstances changed?  It's hard.  A lot of times we don't really know what we have until it's tested. 
So pray to be tested.  Pray for God to increase your faith.  Pray that what you "believe" will really permeate every aspect of your life. 

These days are way better than I would have expected and I'm being blessed so much more than I deserve.  And that's the thing about God--He gives us what we don't deserve and doesn't give us what we do deserve.  I'm thankful.

I feel like there are a hundred things I could write and I don't know where to begin.  I'm really enjoying getting to know some people that I didn't know before, and I'm getting used to the fact that relationships and friendships change over time. 

And I'm laughing a lot.

Really, these days are wonderful--full of love and healing and grace. 

[encuentro Una Voz que habla a mi vida....y estoy enamorada]