September_Goldenrod's Xanga

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:39:32 GMT

I'm fine, I guess. I have a sore wrist/forearm--must be what I kept whapping against spikes that held up the black raspberries when I was picking on Monday. I seem to have a terrible memory about these things, and I had the vague idea that it was the other arm I kept hitting, but c'mon, if it was the other arm, why does it feel fine and this one hurt?

Plus, since picking on Wednesday, I have these huge swollen bites, probably chigger bites. Well, some are really huge and swollen... the others just look like nasty mosquito bites, except mosquitoes tend to go for exposed places, rather than places under my clothes. At first I thought they were reactions to where I got badly "nipped" by a stray thorny branch as I reached in to pick berries, but they were too many different places for that. Conventional wisdom from coworkers seems to be to apply clear nail polish or Listerine. Hmmm.

Other than that and the hot weather, not too bad. I've been reading like mad, trying to keep ahead of Vreneli, since, after all, I'm the one borrowing the books from the library and have more time to read... but she always reads faster. Every time I read about how Tristan only had to read stuff once while James had to read it six times, I think of Vreneli and me taking classes together--no doubt, she was like Tristan, and I was like James. This does not necessarily carry over to other aspects of our personalities.

I have ripped a bunch of nice instrumental CD's to the 200 GB Audio partition of my 500 GB hard drive, and now I've set up a playlist in Windows Media Player, and it's very nice. These are mostly hymns and praise songs, with a few oddities like The Restless Ones and Beyond Nature thrown in. I haven't ripped any classical stuff yet, except the Taylor U. Chorale recording that Dad had put on the same CD as The Restless Ones.

I solved the thing I was troubleshooting at work. This site for kids called Webkinz.com was having problems with getting a blank screen every time you tried to log in. It worked fine on eleven of our Internet stations, but three of them consistently had this problem. There was a Support link that suggested making sure that Adobe Flash Player was properly installed, and that the Internet cache was cleared and that it wasn't being blocked by security software. Well, security software was unlikely because all the computers should be the same on that. Likewise, all had Flash Player installed; but it sometimes happens that an update will go wrong, and I spent some time uninstalling and reinstalling Flash player in case that was the problem, but obviously it wasn't. Likewise, I did as thorough of a disk clean as I knew to do, to no avail--and really that should not have been the problem, because I had done that so recently anyway. I also found that the thing worked fine in Netscape, once I had installed the appropriate Flash player for that. So I decided there was some different setting in Internet Explorer, and I pulled up a good one to compare with a bad one, and started comparing stuff. There are a lot of settings to compare, but finally I came across an unlikely difference in the Internet Explorer add-ons. The bad computer was running an add-on for Realplayer that the good one didn't have installed. Like I say, it seemed the most unlikely connection in the world, but I was desperate enough to try anything. And when I disabled that RealPlayer add-on, the Webkinz login screen popped up just the way it was supposed to. The same fix worked for all three faulty computers. Go figure!

But after work today, I am all the more desperate to get another job. This kind of thing doesn't happen very often, but as it happened, the work I had to do today was almost all deskwork, and a good bit of it had to be done at my desk. My desk, although it is across the room from the Technical Services tape/CD player, nevertheless seems to be an ideal location for picking up everything being played. Periodically, a patron will complain that a particular CD or tape is not working right, and Technical Services will have to play through it to identify the problem. Today it was an excruciatingly raunchy novel--absolute filth. Oh, and earlier I had foolishly picked up a random book--it appeared to be a picture book, and I thought almost looked like a children's book, but I quickly found it was anything but! It does not pay to be too curious in a library! Maybe I should swing by the garage before I leave tomorrow morning and see if I can scrounge up a stray pair of ear plugs...

Mom and Debbie are home from helping Hannah and another aunt and uncle to move Grandma from a small apartment to a single room (all in the same retirement complex) where she will get a lot more care, but doesn't have room for all her stuff. As a result, they have brought a vanload home. Now our livingroom is crammed with fascinating bits and pieces of furniture and knick-knacks. The next few days could be quite interesting...

I should be going to bed, or else seeing what is going on in the livingroom, and instead I am here writing. But I don't want anyone to be too worried that I'm locked in my room bashing my head against the floor or something... Just scratching, reading, and trying to keep cool...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 23:20:53 GMT

Bleh. I am unhappy with myself today. I won't say I've done everything wrong, but I've been in a contrary mood, where I feel like nobody else makes sense (at least not when there is any subjectivity involved); at times I've felt like everyone was picking on me, or at least working against me for reasons of their own; I've been bored, but not interested in doing things either (however, Tuesday is a day when I am relatively organized, insofar as I almost always go to work, do my laundry, get mail, and collect trash, even if I don't lift a finger to do a single other thing). Work itself was boring from the start. And then I had a chance to do some troubleshooting, but as I got absolutely nowhere, that was boring too. I couldn't really get "into" the book I was reading. I got into arguments with my family over things that should not have been very important. I feel mysterious aches and pains in arms and legs. But mostly I feel like if I could just get out of this stagnated mindset, I would be fine and dandy otherwise. We went on a picnic, and to get to the picnic spot we spent about as much time driving each way as we spent there (certainly as much time driving both ways), and probably as much time getting ready as driving, and then all we did while we were there was eat and chuck rocks in a river, and I didn't feel any better.

Vaguely, I noted the way the sun illuminated the trees along the riverbank and thought it was strikingly beautiful, but such a small part of the overall scene, it failed to materially raise my spirits. Likewise, the rising moon seemed huge against the dam overhead--almost as big as the cars driving on the road over the dam (ironic, isn't it?). And the setting sun glowed gorgeously as we drove home. I could take these things in, mentally tucking them away for future reference, but I felt in a peculiar way that I was merely an outside observer--none of these things belonged to me, and therefore none of them could be especially important to me, either. Not to say that I am craving posessions, but rather to feel connected somewhere in a satisfying and purposeful way--to feel part of something bigger than myself, in which I can find inspiration, but to which I feel inseparably connected. Something big enough that I feel I have space as well.

Tomorrow is another day--and I sincerely hope for some kind of change for the better--in my state of mind, if nothing else!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:39:48 GMT

I stepped out with the recycling trash, which must be taken to the road for pickup, which often is quite early on a Tuesday morning.

I found the night not quite black, but deep, dark blue. The moon was shining with calm radiance, and to the east was one bright star or planet. A beautiful night--peaceful and comfortable.

And I despised the continual noise of traffic from the highway, and the bright lights of even so small a town as ours.

Oh, to be out in the country, at least a mile away from the busy highway, with a big sky full of stars... and a nice, peaceful and comfortable, stargazing companion (an interested child would suffice). But even being alone where I could actually enjoy the night in peace would be a nice change.

Earlier today, I was picking berries, and remembering the first time we discovered the black raspberries growing wild by the roadside not far from where we lived out in the country. We picked zealously, not even entirely discouraged by an attack from a nest of ants--and that was when we first learned the delicious possibilities of black raspberry jelly.

Today the weather was beautiful--sunny, but not too hot, with a pleasant breeze. But the effect was again spoiled by the proximity to the highway, the never-ending stream of passing traffic... and I think even the air smelled slightly of highway.

That's one reason I can't be bothered to camp out here. My room is much quieter at night!

Of course, it's nice to be close to the highway in winter.

The problem is, I've been reading all these great books with rural settings lately. Whether the restoration of a hundred odd hilly acres in Wisconsin or visiting farmers and farm animals around Yorkshire in the late '30's, my imagination is filled with animals (wild and tame), sweeping natural vistas, peace and quiet, fresh air, etc...

Well... tomorrow is another day. Off to bed!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:28:52 GMT

Nobody wants hard times. We do not welcome them. If we are a little bit spoiled, we are likely to feel sorry for ourselves when hard times come. We especially resent it if we suspect that someone else is riding the crest at our expense, or, at any rate, that our problems are the result of someone else's stupidity (e.g. high taxes going to support people who aren't even trying to succeed on their own).

But I can't help but suspect that hard times, on a wide scale, are good for people. At least, they are good for "good" people. Hardened sinners may blame God, run up their debts and go backrupt or turn to gambling or drugs or other criminal activities, become suicidal, etc. But the darker the darkness gets, the brighter the lights of the righteous will shine.

(1) Hard times can turn us more to God. Unfortunately, people have a tendency to turn to God "when all else fails." So sometimes, it takes everything else failing to bring people to the point of being willing to yield to God. Even those who are serving God in good times often find that they become closer to Him in time of trial.

(2) Hard times can bring us closer to family. As an article I recently read pointed out, when people have less extra money to spend, they are more likely to eat at home, as a family, rather than eating out. Entertainment outside the home is more costly than spending an evening doing things with your friends and relations. Sensible people will come up with alternatives more interesting than fighting over the TV remote...

(3) Hard times can force us to prioritize and to cut out the things that make life busier without giving us any benefit. Of course, they may also call for hard work. But that would be work with a purpose, rather than meaningless recreation.

(4) Hard times can help us to be more appreciative of what we have. When all we see around us is wealth and easy living, there is a tendency to wish we had what the other guy has. Not, of course, that we would wish to have it instead of him--that would be coveting! But we want to have it too. Usually, these are nonessentials that we could live very well without. But in hard times, people learn to appreciate having a roof over their heads and food on the table.

(5) Hard times teach us to act wisely, to plan ahead, to conserve rather than waste, and to discipline ourselves.

(6) Hard times teach us to help others. It's hard to feel very sorry for someone who complains they have no money, while they drive a nice car and spend their evenings in front of a large-screen TV in an apartment furnished better than ours. Or when they are poor because they are always smoking and drinking and aren't responsible enough to keep a steady job. But if we know people who work just as hard as we do but can't make ends meet, then giving, though it may cost us more, can be a lot more meaningful.

(7) I can imagine that in hard times more elderly people would turn to their families rather than expensive nursing care. While this could involve more sacrifice on the part of their families, it could provide invaluable training in care for others, and teach people to appreciate what even the old and "run down" have to offer. *Likewise, with a scarcity of jobs, I expect more parents (hopefully moms!) would end up staying home to raise their own kids.

(8) I think there can be a certain joy in "making do" that cannot be experienced otherwise. I remember when I was younger and my parents could not afford to just go out and buy presents for one of my sister's birthdays (it was the last year we celebrated Christmas, and her birthday came soon after), we had a blast working together to make things for her. And as she was only turning 4 and was not in the habit of window-shopping or seeing things on TV, she was just as happy with the home-made presents as she would have been with store-bought toys. Home made gifts tend to cost more in time than in money--and spending time for a friend or family member can be much more meaningful than spending money for them. But in "good times," spending money is often the easier alternative!

(9) Hard times teach us to be thankful for life and breath and all that God gives us.

(10) In hard times, love and faith are tested, and their full value becomes evident.

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All I have time for now. May come back and do some editing later...

Friday, July 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:24:37 GMT

So, thanks to my new thermometer, I finally figured out last night what should have been obvious (I guess)--that my air conditioner is thermostatically controled. I knew of course that higher numbers on the dial meant cooler temps, but I always figured that was relative to outside temperature, and that it should get cooler in my room at night if it got cooler outside. Actually, the inside temperature has been so consistant, even when the outside temperature is cooler than inside, I'm inclined to wonder if it doesn't have a heating element as well! OK, not really... it just goes to show how hard it is to pump cooler air from outside into my room (unless the wind is coming from the east).

I went to writer's group last night and took the next two "chapters" of my story that I've hardly looked at for well over a month. We had two new ladies there--one had actually gotten published an excellent article on her experience teaching music to a bunch of deliquents in an "elective" music class that the school chose to dump all the worst students into. A great piece of writing--we all thought it would be worth sending to Reader's Digest. The other lady was working on writing some family history stuff. The writing was rough... and so was the life of the protagonist, who turned out to be her father! One of our "regulars" had brought along a ghost story... and I do not like ghost stories... but it was too generally unrealistic to be too creeped out by! But another "regular" had brought a few paragraphs about the death of her dog (very touching!), and another had brought along a story about her experience jumping out of a fifth-story window as she trained to be a fire-fighter. Except for the lady with the music education article, I don't think any of us have ever had anything published, and our critiques are mostly basic reactions. But it does keep me interested in writing, especially when I get positive feedback.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:57:34 GMT

I got a nifty little gadget today that tells time, temperature, and humidity; plus it has a second sensor for outside temperature. I decided it would be nice to have a more objective idea of just how hot or cold my room gets.

It confirms for me such suspicions as that, at the moment, my room with the A/C on is still no cooler than Dad and Mom's room with a nice big window. It won't be a bit surprising to me if it's cooler outside than in my room tonight. My room seriously tends to hold heat!

Also I got some things for my garden, so I should be able to finish fixing it up. I have put down more paving brick things (each the size of four regular bricks, but perhaps a little flatter) around my bench-with-trellis.

I wanted to get some new shoes, but Wal-mart didn't have the kind I like at all. I like loafers, nice comfy ones. Rarely I will wear sandals, but it's more trouble washing my feet at night when I wear sandals.

And I got some other fun stuff like laundry fabric softener, a couple new "natural" kinds of deodorant to try, and a new kind of shower gel (since the one I've been using is almost gone). I think things that smell nice!

Speaking of showers, the piece that is supposed to hold our shower head was broken when I went to take my shower last night. It's amazing how inefficient it is to take a shower when you have to hold the shower head.

Tomorrow after work I need to work with Becky to wash some windows. Mom and Esther are washing some today because Mom has other plans for tomorrow. But I think tomorrow will be a better day for me; we have church tonight, and I did shopping and gardening today--and besides, Becky wants to wait until tomorrow!

But since Mom is busy now, I need to go out and pick berries. We didn't pick yesterday because of the rain and because Mom was concerned that picking them while they were wet might spread some kind of plant disease.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:19:05 GMT

Random thought: To get the most from science, one must accept science as the final answer and abandon anything contrary to it--be it superstition, scruples, or faith. To get the most from God, one must accept Him as the final answer and abandon anything contrary to what He says--be it superstition, self, or science. "Ye cannot serve God and Mammon."

Hot day. I am using A/C in my room again. Mom didn't want to pick wet berries after we had a tremendous downpour this afternoon, so we gave them a miss. I haven't done a very good job of getting organized today. I did my laundry and took out the trash and that's about it (I mean after coming home from work). Of course, family Bible study took an hour or so...

Monday, July 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:51:06 GMT

"What can I change?" is the question I've been asking myself lately. I feel like my life is in such a rut--vacation did me a world of good, but now I'm back in the rut, and I find myself longing for some kind of change of pace. But what?

As usual, I consider the option of changing my job. There are any number of reasons I would like to change my job, ranging from the spiritual (I doubt half the books in the library are fit for a Christian to read... what am I doing there, anyway?) to the physical (I felt so much better during vacation when I was more active!), and plenty of other random things like boredom (although today had a few interesting twists) and the desire for a little more income. There are also any number of reasons for keeping my job: location, hours, stability, seniority, etc. And the fact that I have yet to see a Help Wanted ad that honestly struck me as an improvement!

But what else could I change? Sometimes I would really like to change where I live, but I feel that's out of my control... unless I can get a job that pays me well enough to make moving out on my own realistic--and I'm not desperate enough to do it on a shoestring. Anyway, I wouldn't want to live just anywhere... if it were not an improvement, it wouldn't be worth the trouble!

Is there any way I could change my social life? I have no idea... Such tentative efforts as I have made to expand my social horizon have not exactly been stunning successes. Somehow, even if I can manage to be around people, I have a hard time really connecting or finding common ground. In person, I can be rather shy, believe it or not (though I'll warm up quickly enough with a little encouragement). And sometimes a setting can be good, but the options are still limited. For instance, art class would be a good setting, only the other people in the class haven't really been what I'm looking for socially. Don't get me wrong, I like nice older ladies when they're not complaining about all their friends and relations, but what I'm missing most is peer friendships--nice Christian people in their mid-20's to mid-30's. Here. With whom I can spend time doing things I enjoy, which isn't asking much, really--I prefer not to spend a lot of money being entertained, but it's nice to have friends over or visit other places, preferably without having to drive an hour or more to get there... *sigh*

Is there some new skill I could work on learning? Well, I've done voice lessons, but I don't really see any need for more than what I've taken already... or I could go back for more art lessons, which might be a good idea, but I relish having one day a week when I don't have to get up in the morning and go somewhere right away... I'm looking forward to Greek resuming in the fall... Other than that, I have no particular inclination, unless I could pick up something that would get me into a different line of work... And nothing leaps to mind.

Sometimes I wish I could just take off and start fresh somewhere completely different. But I am just not the sort of person to do that kind of thing on a whim! I am all too aware of the difficulties involved... Plus I'm very attached to my family and church. If it weren't for my family and church, maybe I would broaden my job search to places further (much further) afield and see if I could find something different and appealing in some totally different part of the country. But there's hardly any point mentioning it, because the desire for a fresh start alone is never going to override those other ties in my life (not to say nothing ever could... only that it would take more than anything I have at the moment to motivate me).

My life is full of all sorts of different projects I could work on, but none seem terribly important at the moment, and so I end up doing really puposeless things like reading, playing (mildly educational) computer games, and trying to get a little socialization online. I have a serious lack of tangible, meaningful, attainable goals to pursue.

There is the potential for change if we end up doing more with Grandma, but last I heard no definite plans were being made, and I'm not holding my breath...

At least I'm feeling better physically and emotionally than I was this spring.

This morning work was livened up a little by the discovery of a broken window. 'Most everybody agrees that it was probably broken by a rock chucked up by a mower on Saturday, but I doubt there's any way we can prove it (just circumstantial evidence). Like the library needs another useless expense right now! But anyway, it gave me an excuse to play around with our security camera software a bit, which was new and interesting.

Also, I was asked to work 8 hours today because my boss called in sick, so I was very glad for the diversion; otherwise, it had the potential to be an extremely boring day.

I think I've just about reached the saturation point on reading. Even though several of the other books I got look interesting, I'm about ready to finish cataloging them and take them up to the attic out of the way. Too bad they aren't just a little more accessible up there...

Well, I should get to bed. I have work in the morning tomorrow, as usual.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:14:40 GMT

Friday night they had amazing fireworks around town here. I think they must have changed some laws, because I don't think I've ever seen such spectacular fireworks coming out of someone's yard before. The air was getting positively cloudy at the peak of it. But it was a beautiful night...

I thoroughly enjoyed the long weekend, but I wasn't terribly productive. I read several interesting books I'd gotten at the book sale, helped Mom picking berries, and did a little work in my garden. That's about it. But of course these things take time--especially reading all those books! Oh, and I also got a nice stack cataloged and taken to the attic. Someday, I hope to have a room big enough for a shelf big enough for all my books. (Have I mentioned, also, my longing for a bedroom with a tall sash window that will really let in the breeze at night? And a nice view?)

And of course we had church today.

And Tabitha was up for a visit, and we now have all her birds for a while (she didn't have time to let them out much at home), so of course the noise levels are up here. It's funny, I used to be quite noise-tolerant, but anymore I can start to get really irritated by constant chatter--even from birds!

Friday, July 04, 2008

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 21:43:48 GMT

Today I finished weeding and mulching the east end of my garden. I used five bags of mulch on that end of the garden, but it's a good thick layer that should last a while. Meanwhile, every time I work on it, I try to pull out whatever weeds are worst on the west end. Last week I got some brick things to put under the bench-with-trellis, so that is looking much nicer now, but I had to really whack the yellow clematis vine back, so there is nothing climbing the trellis right now. Never mind, it will be soon enough--that clematis climbs like crazy!

Also I've been helping Mom pick berries this week. Black raspberries that is. Very nice.

And I've been reading books I got at the book sale. I'm reading one right now about an orphan girl from England coming to live with settlers in Nova Scotia. It is one of those books that you couldn't say is brilliantly written, but I can picture the old-timey village and roughly-built house, especially after visiting various reenactment villages at different times.

It has been nice to have an extra day off work. I keep feeling like today is Saturday, but it isn't. I still have Saturday to look forward to tomorrow! But I should do something more useful, I think. There is always more work to do in my room; there are new books to catalog; I'm still working on Esther's afghan; there's my garden to work on, will be more berries to pick, and if I feel so inspired, I could do some more sewing. Maybe we will need to start cooking berries tomorrow, so they don't spoil in the refrigerator.

I will save any profound thoughts I might have had for another time...