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Seraphacus
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Name: Daniel
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Houston
Birthday: 12/8/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: I like to beat people who still are acting out scenes from Napoleon Dynamite... prank phone calls... soccer...
Expertise: surviving all that lay before me...
and i am beginning to suspect that I may just be an expert at using "saiga"... for more info: ask me
Occupation: Military
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  heiligfeuer
Member Since:
3/15/2005
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| Join me next week as I call:
A "Controlling your gambling problem" agency
and a "fresh from the cow" milk distributor
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| So, here i am, again, contemplating. I have recently pop-culture'ed
myself, unforgiveable? yes it is. I made a www.myspace.com profile. It
is like xanga, you can put you blogs up, and all, but the difference
is, most people on myspace... can't really read. So the whole point is
to have a picture of yourself up, and to gather as many "friends" as
possible. And when you just start, on your page is a little line that
says "Daniel has 0
friends" and it hurts a little. But then before you know it you are up
to five, then ten, then even higher! I am at eleven right now. It
is a sick way to make popularity even more trivial. Then i
thought what was the reason i engaged in all of these webrings in the
first place? Well, a good friend Trip reminded me... prank phone calls.
That's right, the most hilarious dupage of an unsuspecting
telecommunicator has unlimited possibilities. So i am reminded of one i
did, a few minutes ago: and here it goes:
So i found the number for an arboreal transplanting agency. That's a
place where you pay them to either bring you a mature tree and plant it
in your yard or to take a tree out of your yard, I was pretty sure
there was only one or two suggestions people working there, so i had to
get this right on the first time.
*ring *ring *ring
<operator> Green-Life transplanters, how may I help you?
<me> Uhuh... whats your name please... ma'am?
<operator> This is Greg
<me> oh... hahaha... i thought you were a woman, because your voice was so
high-pitched, my fault... any ways... i have a few complaints
<Greg> ...yes sir...?
<m> I employed your service to extract a tree from my property... And they did, but they
also did some... *sighh... extra work...
<G> extra work... did you ask them to do this work?
<m> absolutely not, and i really did not want them to do it
<G> What did they do?
<m> hear me out, because this sounds preposterous, but i saw it with my one good eye
<G> um.... ok...
<m> After they had finished, one foreign looking man stayed behind and sat in the bushes
and had a pair of binoculars in his hands...
<G> uhuh....
<m> What he was doing was... stalking the squirrels in my yard... He would wait for them
to bury nuts in the ground, and then he would sneak up and dig up the
nuts and move them to another place and bury them there, then he would
sulk back to the bushes and watch the squirrels reaction....
<G> are you sure this happened?
<m> uhuh, and then he did this again and again, each for a different squirrel
<G> multiple times
<m> yes, but the squirrels did not know he was the perpetrator, so they began to fight
among themselves
<G> the squirrels began to fight?
<m> yeah, i told you it sounds preposterous, but listen to this: then he pulled out this tiny
little boxing ring, and a few pairs of tiny little squirrel boxing gloves and tossed them in the
ring
<G> ARe you serious? he had those things with him?
<m> yes, and i was watching from our upstairs bedroom, and as clear as day he took out a
jar labeled "squirrel pheremones" and slathered up the ring
<G> pheremones?
<m> pheremones are secretions of a female of a species to call out to the males that they
are ready to mate
<G> ok.. go on...
*At this point, Greg, wasn't sure i was telling the truth or not, he just wanted to see how it ended
<m> at this point, a few of the other workers came back and all hid around the bushes in
my yard, and all had a pair of binoculars,
<G> other "Green-Life" workers?
<m> yeah, and they started placing bets on which squirrels would win fights
<G> had the squirrels gotten into the rings?
<m> not yet
<G> ok go on
<m> so finally one squirrel ventured into the ring and was sniffing around-
<G> because of the pheremones?
<m> yeah, and a few more squirrels got into the ring following the first...
<G> about how many were in the ring?
<m> hold on please, they got into the ring and they all got this crazed glaze over their eyes
and begun to fight to the death
<G> TO THE DEATH?
<m> to the death. And then when there was one final squirrel
standing, the man who had brought their gear stood up and started
clapping, and the other guys reluctantly came over and gave him a ton
of money
<G> No way, they had put real bets on the squirrels?
<m> i already told you they did, and then when tey left he picked up all of the corpses of
the squirrels and put them in my garage, and then he put the winnner squirrel in a cage, and
took it away with him
<G> he left the dead squirrels in your garage
<m> he was a bastard
<G> I see... so do you remember his name?
<m> yes i do
<G> can you tell me?
<m> i cannot
<G> why not?
<m> then he would kill me
*click
I know, I know, a terrible ending, but there was nothing to justify
this, and i really wanted to say like "his name was voldemort" but i
just couldn't.
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| In the middle of Computer science, just pushing the limits, if i get
caught i get a ph. That's a penance hall, which means i get a lunch
period spent in a room staying perfectly still and quiet. So this is
pretty brave of me to be typing here in class. Sitting next to me is a
kid named jason vu, he is like two feet tall, but he can jump higher
than sin! cool stuff. Mrs Shulz is crazy so i better wrap up now. This
is the most pointless thing i have ever done.
but in the name of danger, i proceed,
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| So the odds of a scientist inventing a lethal disease and spreading it
liberally all over a continent causing the death of thousands is like
9,000,000,000,000,000 to 1 right?
Cause that has only happened once.
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| Question: What is normal?
Answer: I am not sure.
Elaborate: ...I am not sure...
okay guys have fun with this one | | |
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