My aunts and uncles finally came to the conclusion that they should
take Gramaw off life support and take her home to die. An hour
after the hospice people left, she passed away peacefully in her sleep
with two of my aunts by her side. I hope she rests in
peace.
Now we all have to get through the evening viewing (4 hours long), the
next morning's service, the burial at the cemetery and the fire hall
reception. Nothin' says mourning like a good fire hall banquet
line and an open bar. Having married a Catholic, I know not
everyone's family has this weird, drawn out, two day festival of
grief. Mother will contact me soon with the details as
to when it all will take place. Let's hope it goes smoothly, I
will have the kids with me.
You can read a little about Gramaw in this post; Yin Yang Grammas
Mother is so totally crazy. My grandmother is dying slowly...
which is a
terrible thing I know, but she was a miserable, bitter, angry person
and
really it is a blessing for everyone. In addition to being
paralyzed from the stroke and unable to communicate, apparently she has
advanced stomach cancer and didn't bother to tell anyone about
it. The doctor told them today while he was reviewing her
chart. The family is trying to bring her home now, in light of
this development.
Mother and her 5
siblings are driving each other to insanity (which was a short trip,
trust me). Apparently none of my family except me has a job, so
they are all up there at the hospital arguing and screaming at each
other, generally making Jerry Springer guests look tame. The best
story so far is when my cousin's baby mama showed up with her filthy
kid, screaming at my cousin. The security guards
tackled him because she looked so bad they thought he beat her.
Turns out she was whacked out of her gourd on heroin, had fallen down
trying to get out of the car in the hospital parking lot and wanted to
leave the kid with my cousin. And they are all wondering why I am
not there. Hm. I am very grateful they are not in Daylily02's hospital, causing anyone I am not related to any suffering... although I suppose it makes for good blog.
You know what else? Mother just had to tell me that the family
thinks I am horrible for not being there on this morbid death
watch. They are saying that I need to be there to support Mother
in her time of need. How much more emotional support can I give
her? Do they want me to drive three hours and hold her hand while
she sits in a chair in Gramaw's room? And WTF are they all doing
up there if they
are not supporting each other? Oh wait, I know, they are
fighting over who is going to get what bit of crap from Gramaw's house,
who is going to get Gramaw's house and who is in charge. When I
told Mother that I could not come up, that I cannot deal with the family or
the hospital and I would really be no good to anyone except to maybe
kick my convicted-for-child-molestation uncle in the friggin ass and
tell every single one of those unemployed asshats that they need to
stop acting like 12 year old idiots and pray for Gramaw's peaceful
passing into the next world, she said... "That's what Gramaw would have
wanted. Her whole life was spent stirring up shit and starting
people to fight, playing all us kids off one another".
WHAT!? OMFG.
Whew. Glad to get that off my chest. Can't I just mourn in
my own quiet way? Can't I try to remember Gramaw as the lady who
visited last time she was here? I pray that she passes quickly
and quietly.
In other news, Aldo starts his new all consuming job tomorrow. I
am nervous for him. It is at a meat packing plant, 12 hour days,
running at 72 mandatory hours per week currently. He will be a
"knifer". I told him it's better than a boner or packer. He
says he got the job because when they asked him if he had experience
with heavy equipment, he told them he used to work with
chain saws. They looked at both his hands, still nicely attached to his arms, then slapped a big
knife icon on his visitors badge.
Aldo has a lot of other resumes out for nice, calm, non-knife wielding
(hopefully) jobs. He took the civil service test, and we await
the results. This job is only a stop gap measure to keep us from
the collection calls.
Mother hears the worst and runs with it. Turns out, after
everyone drove (or in once case flew) out to friggin nowheresville
mountain to say good bye to Gramaw, that Mother might have gotten her story just a tiny bit wrong.
What the doctors really said was that some of Gramaw's systems have
suffered major damage, there might be a clot or tumor in her brain and
that 24 to 48 hours after her stroke they would know how she
would be. They are moving her to a long term care facility,
which, as far as I know, they don't usually do with people who are
about to kneel over. For goodness sakes. Not that this is
great news, but we all took off work (well, I took off work, the rest
of them are either retired or unemployed) and raced pell mell over the
hills to Gramaw's house, basket of mourning and funeral clothes in
hand. Boy did I feel silly telling people at work that
Mother is a bit of a tall tale teller. *sigh* I fear they
will never believe me again if I say someone is facing imminent
death. From now on, I call the hospital directly for my
information.
Work; Talked to Boss about Walnut Brain. Boss told me WB
has some control issues, that I was doing a fine job and would get a
good referral if I needed it, and that WB's comments were
unprofessional and out of line. WB has been a little snide since
then (although I asked Boss not to mention any of this to WB, I am sure
she did anyhow), but has been tolerable.
Aldo; Went to Dr. Painmanagementguy, who shot his back full of
drugs. It was like a miracle. After a few days of
recovery, Aldo no longer walks like Igor.
Family; Ugh... well... this could take a while. This
weekend is the annual family reunion, to be followed this year by
my Uncle's retirement party. I opted not to go for reasons I will
not go into, but that mostly involve long car rides to see people I
hardly know and have nothing in common with but a bloodline. It
was something I thought about long and hard (for like three seconds),
since our family reunions/parties usually involve one or all of the
following; blood shed, attempted murder and/or assault, screaming and
crying, police, pickle forks, and an open bar, although not necessarily
in that order. Could be a good time, perhaps even viewer video
news worthy, but the kids are just not old enough yet.
It has been one of those days where, with each ring of the phone, I cringe.
Mother and her room mate went up for the day, stopping at Gramaw's
first to take her along. Gramaw has been pissed off that Uncle's
party was going to be the same day as the reunion, she felt it took
away from her family.
They found Gramaw laying in the yard, incoherent, unable to move and in
obvious pain. Gramaw claimed she had fallen in the yard on
Thursday night and laid there until this morning. Mother called
me from the hospital ER to tell me that Grammaw was severely dehydrated
and has a broken hip. That was the first call. The second
call came about 30 minutes later to tell me that the doctor said there
is a "large mass" in Gramaw's brain, they are unsure if it is a blood
clot or a tumor. Also, Gramaw had a massive stroke and is
paralyzed on her whole one side. The third call came with Mother
sobbing, almost incoherent. She said the hospital called and said
it is only a matter of time, Gramaw's systems are all failing.
Now, my Gramaw gave up on life a long time ago. This is a
terrible way to die, and I really, truly hope she is made as
comfortable as possible in her last moments. I am glad that
everyone is out there already to gather around and pray for her, and
support each other. However, I cannot help but think that if
Gramaw had planned this it could not have worked out better.
Gramaw has been known to fake illnesses when she felt she was not
getting enough attention. The party for Uncle was a thorn in her
side. She would be delighted to know she derailed the whole
thing, and that today, the focus is on her alone.
