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wow, i must be really desparate.

i had a good dream last night =] i didn't want to wake up. corny as it may sound, i dreamt that i had a boyfriend that really loved me! BUT, at the end of the dream it went sour since my boyfriend met his old girlfriend. NEVERTHELESS, it felt nice. even if it was a dream T_T i was really happy this morning because of it. until reality kicked in, and i almost forgot about what happened yesterday. i even tried going back to sleep. the story didn't continue. booooo.

the more i think of it, the more i get pissed. and i get even more angry that i can't fully express everything i want to say because other people will get hurt because of it. FUCK.

i like how people tell me to talk truthfully, and then later on tell me that i'm being too honest. i mean seriously, what the fuck is that. if you're looking for some sugar coated words, don't come to me. & i'm going to be honest right now that i have to blame someone for me becoming like this. it's been building up and building up. i don't even want to argue with anyone right now because things may slip out of my mouth that aren't suppose to. plus, i'm just wasting my time since i can't even say what i really do want to say. and if i do say what i want to say, it'll probably go through one ear and out the other.

yup.

=| im flat broke.

super junior =( i think i'm overly obsessed. mm hmm. i was so excited watching their movie =) i have two of the same posters now, and their cd comes with a whole lottaaaaaa pictures.

i don't want to be maid of honor O_O. my sister got engaged this weekend. i seriously don't wanna be maid of honor. zomfg, stage fright giving a speech.

on a negative note, i've been getting kind of down lately. i can't express myself fully without having to know someone is saying in their mind that "gee, doesn't she know other people have it worse than her." i keep that in my mind, but it doesn't get through. i can't cope with what i'm feeling lately, and i've been constantly crying randomly. i guess i can't put my feelings into words. i have a feeling i'm gonna be alone for awhile. iunno. & i have to cope with being seen as the meanest girl on the planet. dudeee, sometimes i just do it to be funny, but i guess it's getting way out of hand. but i mean seriously, if one can't handled being rejected in any way, iunno how you're gonna get through life. it's true it sucks, but it happens. and okay, i'm sorry that i had to be the one to do it. i'm sorry that i can't control my emotions and make myself like someone. yeah it's true that i could've handled it better, but i got scared soooo ...
on another i don't know maybe it positive or negative, maybe more negative note,  i can't stop thinking about that one persoooon. fuccccccccck. it's been getting me so down lately. i don't think i actually miss him, but actually at what we had. iunno, i haven't liked anyone for awhile, like some serious lovin'. & maybe i guess, i miss that feeling.hmm.... you'd think i'd learn and grow, but i just went down to his level of  .. getting out of things. what he did to me i did to someone else. i guess that was his way of telling me he wasn't interested anymore and i got it from him. haha ... thanks.

i need to clean my room.
this summer has got to be the most unproductive(is that a word?) summer ever.
i also got hives for the first time this summer. guess i'm allergic to bath and body works shower gel.

my bad attitude is taking it's turn now. i've gotten nicer lately. as most of you know, i'm an angry and mean girl and i do acknowledge it. as much as i want to be nice, there's just actions that people do that make me go off on them. i've gotten better now though. i can hold it in and i don't talk back to my parents ...as much. haha, but yeah.
i can only honestly find comfort in korean music. i get so happy. if it's taken away,damn you do not wanna see me. lol, that's mostly the reason why i rarely answer ims anymore.

i've been getting angry lately at people, especially asians, who for lack of a better word, refuse to call themselves americans. my family scoffs and laughs, "haha so you're calling yourself american?" okay... well i was born here , what do you think i'll call myself? It's not whether you like being an american or not, it's something you can't deny.
& I'd like to talk to some of those who have a problem with me listening to asian music. espcially those who choose to attack me about it and have no background information whatsoever. those who have not even given it a try. i'm not telling you that you MUST like it, but if you have nothing good to say, then don't say it. there's always comments like "oh those guys are gay, ew pop" etc etc. Okay, because american music is so much better. Everybody just goes for the indie music lately thinking they're so cool. Just because korean music is not like american music, does not make it inferior in any way. You guys call me ignorant, but let's look at it this way. I have been exposed to american music all my life, correct? I know what it's like, and I've tried out asian music in which I have enough knowledge to know from both sides to be able to choose what kind of music I want to listen to. But to those who decide to attack me on it, have you honestly given asian music a try? If you have honestly tried it, and don't like it that's fine but there's no need to be so freaking hostile about it.I'm just so sick of those who go "omg why do you even listen to it, you don't even understand it?" i have my reasons so stfuuuuu.

i have a lot more to say but i'm done.

  god. i totally forgot about xanga.
summer's almost over.
& all i've got to say is ... shit.
i have not started any of my homework & my japanese homework i have to get into the mail by tomorrow which by the way have not started yet. lovely.
have been staying home and doing nothing literally NOTHING but watch korean gameshows everyday.
i have attempted at reading the 4 folktales that we have to read that are all in Japanese and crapload of kanji in there. wtfawk, it doesn't even make senseeee to me.
*sighs* my two english books have yet to be read. oh dear. kill me.

i have been doing nothing but nails. too lazy to put them all up. the red ones are my recent ones :D