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| Broken Thoughts, Skipping Record. I don't know what to write, for near the first time in my entire life i am speechless. I have so much to say about how i am feeling right now but expression through the human standard artistic expressions seems to do it little justice. You don't know how i feel until you have utterly crushed the human spirit in more then one instance. My ability to control the release of your opinion on to people who could care less or crucify your ideals is lacking. Pearls to swine. I have almost given up or is it giving in? The difference being complete lack of will to push towards a goal, the other meaning conforming to the current standards to what is socially acceptable. Is trying to figure out existence and purpose on this hollow hell of an earth, seemingly forsaken, worth the effort or just a squander of the little time we have been given to fulfill this unknown purpose. BUT, If that is the case then who cares what we do with our time?
"Logic" as we know it seems to be a circular path. I have never found an end to a question using "simple" logic. It seems to lead me back to my original question. Life has so many questions and no one with the real answer. The designated end of logic is what do you believe? You can't argue with a fool who has there opinion set on something. You can never change someone's mind but only change there thought process or change the evidence they use to draw there conclusions. If argument was based upon pure fact instead of on ability the legal system would be a different place. A good lawyer can free a guilty man due to charisma and appeal to the human sensation known as emotion.
The barricade I feel I have built as a defense has only seeded in me the thought of protection at all cost. The onslaught i have released upon the fragile frame that is the human feelings is unbearable to some and just overly unnecessary. What tames the tongue? The scriptures of a being i know beyond a shadow of a doubt is real? I have not felt for a long time the feelings of respect, honor, and submission to this entity seemingly so far away from the existence of His created being whom he loves so much. Until the fear and uncertainty of relationships can be replaced by trust i fear my reckless speech will continue having absolutely no leash by which to guide the path of words chosen not only in confrontation but in passive speech as well.
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| Been awhile.....
Sit tight im gonna need you to keep time c'mon just snap snap snap your fingers for me......
If trials are supposed to make you stronger, why do i feel like thery're tearing me down? Why do people ask how you are with no more interest then to say hello? What has made our society so lost? Is it something that can be changed or am I wasiting my energy struggling at being someone better? Do i strive to be differant or just blend in? Does anyone care? Why do you fall into pressure of your firends and sometimes people you don't even know? Is their a way to stand that will make a differance? Why do we long for someone to care for us? Why do we want someones affection? Why do people cause themselves so much pain that could be easily avoided? Why do we poor descisoins when are conciuos tells us differant? Why do we go against everything we've ever learned at the pursuit of a moment of happyness that will fade in a few moments? Why can't i make the right choice when thats what i hear in my head? Why can i not belive like others? Why do i question?Why did God create some people to never reach heaven? Is one person not as important as the next? Is our destiny somethign we fashion or is are destiny secure? Can i change the future or is it inevitable? Why am I haunted with so many questions?
Well im done for now....... | | |
| Two mile an Hour.........
So I went to Harry's Bday party it was fun, and their was really good food and a lot of harries cousins, brad, spencer, chase, marshall, danielle, lonnie, oh yeah and Garlington. We just kinda ate and hung out played wicker ball, lol nad tossed around the old pigskin. Then spencer stayed over at my house after that. We just hung out talked to ppl on aim and wandered myspace aimlessly, more or less. Thats about the eventfulness of my weekend no other plans, i might update soon, probably not. | | |
| This isn't Hollywood.......
So, long time no post. I just want to scream, but i guess it can only get better around here, don't worry I'll be fine. So I'm done with finals, and out of school for now that's one thing good around here. I got all A's on finals i think.........not sure on art but other then that yup. Um, I always wanna update and run out of things to write about. And it ends up this short ah, well. Well I changed the backround to my xanga and i will have a differant photo when my sis develops her pictures it'll be kool. So if you wanna do somethign please call me, I really need to take my mind off of a few things.
Jason and Marty were just over we played some Halo and just hung out haven't played the big H2 in a long time, i 0wn3d as they say in nerd speak, lol. I've really had a hard time with my relationship with God, unfortunantly I've been questioning if God is real or not. I don't really need an encouraging word about it, It's something i really need to discover for myself. I think it's great how lots of people never question their faith and believe but I guess i just think to much.
Stressed out, bleh. I just want to scream or talk to someone, maybe even cry. I've been going for walks by myself lately, it's nice. It's a time to clear my head, don't get alot of that. I wanna take a trip to the lake soon it would be nice, just to sit and think, and just rest my mind. Out there somewhere is the girl for me........ | | |
| Your hands looks freezing now, that is the pick up line, so put your hand in mine you look so cold......
You don't look at me the same way i look at you. I wish you did, but you say you can't. Scared of what might happen between us, you've locked yourself in. I was wondering is it as cold for you as it is for me, being alone? Victim to yourself, your own insecurities, the ones you see when you look in the mirror. Did you ever stop to think that someone could care? | | |
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