Ups and Downs, Journey on

Writing probably helps me to get it out, the transition from my mind to my fingertips can help me realize how I feel,  like a revelation of sorts.....so I make myself write today. 

 My sweetheart is at a conference of "Exchanged Life Ministries", so I am alone this weekend and forced to deal with myself.  My own cyinicism, rebellion and anger as well as a deep sense of loss because my life with Christ is suffering and I am confused.  I know how this all sounds...poor pitiful me, but it is a journey of ups and downs.  Yes, I know Jesus is there for me and I am the one who has "moved".  He is still the same and it is comforting and disturbing at the same time.  The day I admitted to God my anger at Him, I felt forgiven, because I admitted it.  It was as if He said... I know you are mad Cynthia and I love you, go ahead and get it out because I am not going anywhere.  I will be right here when your anger is gone....loving you, helping you, wanting you near me.

The journey continues.  I am not fond of where I am on this journey right now emotionally, but I know I am learning more of God's character, up close and personal.  It is an amazing journey, even with the pain. Perhaps because of the pain.

I will lift my eyes up to the hills from whence come my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121: 1-2

Newness

Someday....

Life will get routine again, I just don't know when

I won't be so tired at night that I actually FEEL like getting on the internet

We will find the right place for us to join to worship our GOD

I will feel connected again to God and community

I will have new friends

Today....

I actually enjoyed my job for the first time

I cried GOOD tears

I laughed without a hint of sadness

I enjoyed being alone at my lunch hour

I read without falling asleep

Yes, God is working

I love you all and hope to visit your sites soon!

Fallling into place

Things are beginning to come together for us.  I have a job and will begin on August 1st working for the Denton County Tax Accessor Collector's office.  It is a good job with insurance benefits and retirement.  I am very thankful.  Danny is liking his new job.  We have a contract on a house and now that I have a job, our loan will probably be approved and that is another huge praise.  Rent is so high, it would be better just making a house payment.

Because of my limited connectivity with the internet I am having a hard time getting on some of your  sites...if they have music or a lot of pictures etc, I get kicked off before I can comment.  Hopefully within 2 more weeks we will be in our house and it will get easier to get online.

SingingMom (Cindy)  I tried to get on your site and couldn't but just wanted to tell you thanks for the comment and I would have LOVED to have met you too.  Maybe next time....

Thanks for all of you who have kept us in your prayers!

Life Changes

Life changes, yes it does.  We moved from Haskell TX to the DFW area, actually Carrollton for now.   We are living in my Parent's RV until we can get a house and I am looking for a job.  I have an interview at a church tomorrow for a secretary's position.  It is a large church.  I also have via telephone left messages and recieved messages from Women of Faith Ministries to go to work there, but it is part time and I really need fulltime.  We are doing better and just trusting God for recovery from the ordeal we went through at our church in Haskell.  I still could just cry buckets full of tears, but if I start, I may never stop and I have too much to do right now to be sad.  I don't have internet access right now which is a real bummer so I am sitting at a coffee shop using a computer there.  We have a laptop but it is hard to get a good signal....so here I am.  I can use a computer for free at my old job but I really hate to bother them more than I have to.  Danny and I are glad to be back in the Dallas area.  We loved it when we were here before and we are already adjusting well to it again.  I probably won't be on here much until we have a house and internet, but I just wanted to pop in again and let my Xanga friends know what's going on.  You have been sweet to check me and I love you for it and do think of you often even though I am not on here often.  Blessings to all of you.

Don't die

Please don't die because I am posting.  It has been so terribly long, but I am getting back...I think!

I thought I would just let my friends on xanga know I am still here without a great deal to say, but for beginners my daughter is in Thailand now. She is teaching school and is in contract for a year.  We are proud of her and know God will use her over there.  She is awesome. 

I have seen my grandkids about once a month for the last 3 months and that has been wonderful.  They are growing so fast I can't believe it.  I kept them for a couple of days last week.  I went to there town which is about 5 hours away to babysit so Mom could get some work done on the house they are moving into.

This is good for a reintroduction anyway.