Currently Listening Chaos and Creation in the Backyard By Paul McCartney see related

SIX YEARS!!!!

After 6yrs...FINALLY going out with Steph!!! Hahaha...couldn't be happier.

Currently Listening Fidelity Is the Enemy By Jim Boggia Black and Blue see related

Read at Your Own Discretion

This entry is not going to be something you’ll probably enjoy reading. It will probably make you feel bad, confused, angry, or annoyed. But…it’s me venting, which I need to try and start doing before I end up getting flown to a hospital or something from getting too fucked up. So here’s your warning now that it’s a lot of bitching. Read at your own discretion.

So life’s really not that cool right now. Caitlin has me all kinds of fucked up, and I really just want to be home. We had a surprise birthday party for the Captain tonight which was cool…minus the fact that everyone could drink except me, and everyone was a bunch of assholes towards me because of that. My back is starting to bug me again, but I can’t go to the doctor on the ship about it because all they do is give me 2 Ibuprofen and send me on my way. Other than that though…things have just gotten lousy again. I mean it was cool for awhile because this was like a vacation cruise from Hawaii to the Panama Canal to the Bahamas. But now it’s winding down and people are just starting to be really big dicks. Whether it’s because they won’t have jobs after this or they just don’t feel like being here anymore. This whole thing with Caitlin is eating away at me just as bad, if not worse, as it did when we broke up the first time. I knew she was sitting there flirting with Matt and what not and that’s why she wanted to break up. And as if it were some big shocker I saw that him and her are now listed as “In a Relationship” on Facebook. I don’t even want to deal with girls…like she is the ultimate end to my man-whoreness. Which is why I said the other day in the survey that I really just think I would prefer to have the dream job over the soul mate. I can see me being one of those cases that never finds their “soul mate” because I can’t stick with one girl if I ever bother with the whole relationship thing. Usually my “relationships” are just little flings that last a couple weeks and then it’s done. I only want to see one girl right now, and that’s Steph. And that’s only because she’s my best friend because granted if I liked her in some way more than that…she’d be on the same list as the rest of them and I wouldn’t want to see her. I want people around again that I can laugh with WITHOUT making myself look like a dumbass just to get a laugh. I’ve gone through trying to think what it is I thrive on…if it’s relationships, attention, or laughter. And I’ve come to figure out that each has their own category and time. I thrive on attention when it comes to relationships, but otherwise the one thing I thrive on is getting people to laugh. It’s like it’s my main goal in life almost is to get people to crack a smile and let loose a giggle. In that sense I think I’m a true actor…that I’m always thriving off people for some sort of attention basically. I’m always “acting” to people’s liking. Which is why I don’t think I could ever really have a TRUE love…you know? Something would always interject and be a façade in some way or form. But to have my dream job…I’d be able to do it all the time, get my dose of attention and such that I thrive for, and make money for it…and THAT would make me happy. But then that questions the thought of if I’d be able to have kids or not. And I don’t mean literally HAVE kids, I just mean being a father.

If I were to be acting…well just look at the Entertainment News. Not many kids come out ok from having parents who’re actors and/or actresses. I wouldn’t be able to always be there for him/her. My income wouldn’t be able to guarantee that I could support them. But yet at the same time as the need and want to be an actor…I have the same feelings about being a father. And I guess it’s because I was never close with my dad until late. And I would want to prove in some way that that wouldn’t happen between my kids and I. Which, is something that is worrying me. I emailed my dad before we left for Panama, he had gone to CA for a Photography Workshop and has yet to respond in anyway. I told him I would only be able to email so to just email me when he got my message, but he hasn’t gotten a hold of me since. He wasn’t in the best of condition before he left, which is why I’m worrying so much now. He wouldn’t have my parents down to contact if something had happened to him. He had already told me that when he had me go through his will with him. He said he’d have me as the primary, and then my uncle, his brother, as the next contact. And seeing as I haven’t had service the past week or two it’s kind of hard to know if he or anyone else is contacting me or attempting to. That’s been a nightmare I’ve had a couple times now since I’ve been out here is that my dad would die and I wouldn’t know of it until I got home and I’d have missed the funeral and everything. I REALLY wish I could get in my car and drive. It sounds stupid, but my car is the one place where I truly feel at home. My car and I have been through EVERYTHING together. Going to school, auditions, work, all my relationships, when I was sick, when I was stressed, when I was fine, when I was happy, when I was laughing…everything. I want the feeling of relaxation back when I can just jump in my car, put my iPod on, and drive wherever either just chillin’ out and listening to the music, or singing my heart out until I feel better and either decide to turn around or actually go somewhere. I can’t wait to feel Steph’s arms around me giving me a hug. I already know it’s going to make me feel a lot better.

Currently Listening Fidelity Is the Enemy By Jim Boggia see related

Damn Corporate America

Figured I’d update since Steph updated about her little psychic reading haha. Which by the way I want her to get that lady back to her house so I can have one done lol. Or atleast have her take me to the lady lol. So yeah…things. It’s gotten progressively better…Yesterday I went on a snorkeling tour that they had for some of the crew, that was cool. I saw a barracuda, along with a bunch of other pretty cool looking fish, but the barracuda was the coolest. It’s teeth were all jagged out of it’s mouth and it was rather fat lol. They told us as long as we didn’t really fuck around with it it wouldn’t attack us or anything. A couple people decided to get out till it left. And then we saw a sea turtle too, that was about the size of my upper body. Anyway…moving on to other things besides the snorkeling tour haha. I’m waiting to see if we actually go to Hilo on Wednesday because when we were in Honolulu on Saturday they had been trying to evacuate people within a 30mile radius of the volcano since it was letting out poisonous gases and Hilo happens to be about 30miles from it haha. We’ll see what happens. In Kaua’i now…definitely the best island out of all of them though it unfortunately is starting to have more corporate America come in and destroy it. I’m really not a fan of how Americans do things anymore. You’d think they’d be able to leave atleast ONE place not all cluster-fucked with bullshit corporations and houses and what not. Oahu is jam-packed full of stuff, and Maui is rather filled as well. Kaua’i the locals have tried keeping all the bullshit off their island. They don’t pave a lot of the roads or fix many of the bridges because it would lead to concrete bridges being built everywhere and then that would result in trucks coming in and building things like Kmart, Walmart, hotels, businesses and so forth. It really sucks because it really is a beautiful place and they’re just destroying like the whole “Aloha” spirit. They’re turning it into every other place in America and I bet in the next 5 or 10years Hawaii won’t be nearly half as glamorous if glamorous at all as it’s been in the past because it’ll just all be corporations. But yeah…so Caitlin and I have been talking a lot. We’re basically going to be dating I suppose when I get home. I miss the bum more than she’ll ever know. Can’t wait for her to come out here. I think it’s pretty safe to say that’s really the only reason I’m still here…I mean I love it out here and all, but I want to be with my friends too badly, especially my closer ones. But if I were to leave now I’d have to pay to fly back out here so I didn’t make her cancel her flight and all. Plus I know she’s really looking forward to it. Gonna be fun. Well…I guess this is a long enough entry for now haha. Nothing’s really been going on with me besides work, my tattoo healed great, I was thinking about getting another one haha.

Currently Listening It's Only Life By John Bucchino, Andrea Burns, Jessica Molaskey, Brooks Ashmanskas, Billy Porter see related

Looooong time...

So yeah...it's been a long time since I updated. Things have had their up's and down's. Stress-level on the ship has varied. We're still waiting for the CDC to come through and give their inspection so we all know if we'll still be employed or not. Sooo the cool things are that I got a ticket to fly home the night of July 2nd, and I'll be home on the 3rd. My contract ends on June 26th, and Steph will be out here on the 28th. We're going to spend a couple days out here then fly home together. My back on occassion has been bugging me which isn't too great. And my tattoo that I just got is going through the peeling stages and is itchy as hell haha. But...on the good notes...I bought the Special 2disc Edition of "Sweeney Todd" which is pretty kick ass. Caitlin and I have been talking alot more and more since Allison and I broke up awhile ago and things are going really cool with all that. Jeff made it into Tisch which I'm EXTREMELY happy for him and yet EXTREMELY jealous. If I had the choice of getting into Tisch or doing this job, I'd definately choose Tisch. So I'm really starting to miss people now...I realized the other day I haven't talked to Joe in FOREVER...and Steph I miss just for sheer fact that she's my BC. Trying to find things to do in Oahu while we're there. On our way to our final Fanning Island trip...it's raining right now and the sea is rather rough. Having the trade winds blowing around doesn't exactly help much either. A few times you could be walking down the hall and everything would be at a pretty steep angle and you'd be trying to walk not only to wherever you were going, but to keep from the wall too haha. Well...I'm pretty tired so I'm going to sneak a nap in...Hope to hear from you guys...Miss you...

Currently Watching Balls of Fury (Widescreen Edition) By Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Fogler see related

Life On-Board...

So…Life on-board…haha. Well for the past week I was training back in the hotel we were staying at , and I had to take this huge test on the menus and bar menus and all kinds of crap....thankfully I did well lol. Now I’m on the ship, the Pride of Aloha. Apparently things have been pretty “hush-hush” lately, but it’s been in the news over here so it’s ok that I put this up lol. The main reason I think that it’s not really in the news anywhere else is because it doesn’t really affect anyone/anywhere else. NCL had 3 cruise ships circulating the Hawaiian Islands. The Pride of Aloha, the Pride of America, and the Pride of Hawaii. The Pride of Aloha is being pulled from the islands on May 11^th, 2008 to start touring in Malaysia. And the Hawaii will be sent to tour in Europe, leaving the Pride of America to tour Hawaii. So the main reason it’s all happening is because NCL hasn’t really been making as much money as they would’ve liked to since they have the only 3 ships that exclusively rotate around the islands. Any other boat either goes from CA and spends only about a day in Hawaii, or they have to port on non-American soil, in which case they pretty much get the same deal apparently as the boats coming from CA. NCL is strictly all Hawaii. SO…there’s been a lot of chaos and confusion since I got here. Because the Pride of Aloha and Hawaii will be leaving, my first contract may be shortened. Originally I was supposed to get home in about June/July, but now it could be May as long as I don’t make it onto the list right away for the America or if I don’t get transferred there at some point for whatever reason. I’m not losing my job or getting laid off so I don’t need to worry about that. If I don’t make it onto the list or onto the America before I leave NCL is giving me 2months severance pay PLUS I can file for unemployment ONTOP of that. So I’m pretty cool with that option haha. People around here though have been getting stupid and starting rumors about it. Not sure if I’m coming RIGHT home yet or not…My friends and I are talking about jumping on a boat and touring the islands for a bit since we didn’t get to really see any of the other ones while we were in training and stuff. That or we’ll just stay in a hostel for about $20/night and hang on the island a bit longer. And I’ve been talking about wanting to take the international cruises to see the world and all…there’s a rather big price I’d have to pay if I did that and I’m not definitely sure yet if I want to do that or not. My supervisor was telling me that if we were to go on the international cruises we would probably be gone 10months instead of 5, because the majority of the international ships have 10month contracts. I’m still thinking about that all though…So yeah that’s basically my update of what’s been going on lately. I may join the firefighting team on the ship, it seems pretty cool. Working 12-16hrs a day/night so it may be kind of hard to get a hold of me until I really get into the groove of things more on-board. I’m still walking around completely bewildered and lost hahaha. Text or call me whenever you want. Or email me or something.