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| Oh, and my gold fish died. Like, three weeks a go. Random factoid.
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| Random Thoughts...Life is so strange right now. Let me try and sort through things, shall I? As always, my mind's moving too fast. Good thing I can type fast too. :)
For one, I work a hell of a lot at the job. It's nice to feel productive and to be making money - I can't complain there. Unfortunately for me though, I can get a really bad temper and I'm so damn inpatient with stupid and idiotic people. There was a moment at work the other night when I got so mad about something that some customer did that for a minute there, I wanted to hurt someone. And I don't mean that I wanted to walk up to them and hit them. The idea is related, but on a grander level. Rather, I wanted to combat the system in a weird way. I suddenly realized how disposable I was as a worker, how fake the whole dining experience was, and how unhappy I actually felt being around the people that I work with (and that I only know on a surface level). Maybe all these strong feeling are more of a reflection of peripheral events going on in my life right now. I gotta say though, if I were a professional server (as some people actually are), I might actually consider joining (or starting - that'd be cooler anyway) a fight club. Damn, that movie probably comes closer to really embodying the things I'm trying to say. Except, well....I'm no terrorist. Honest!
Aside from work though, I have a lot of time on my own. This has been good and bad thing. For the bad, I've been a little lazier than usual this summer. I kinda feel that I haven't really gotten much accomplished at the end of the day except...work. Which is really sad considering I spend the day stressing about someone else's leisure time and bullshit "guest experience." I come home, really tired, and just crash (after talking on the phone for at least an hour to Nick - that's the other thing I've been doing a lot of lately). Shit, I miss that kid. Our hour long phone calls at the end of the day have become routine by now. He keeps me grounded sometimes.
I somehow feel that I can be happier now than I am. I just feel so bored with my life with now, so unhappy with what I'm doing day in and day out. One thing I know for sure: I have to enjoy what I do and be able to initiate my ideas/commands. I hate always being told what to do, though sometimes it's necessary. Just one more thing I've learned being a puppet in the corporate world. Anyway, I know I'm not in the ideal place right now. I'm away from my friends, and I the few people I've met at the job I doubt I'll get to know on a more personal level. I'm getting things accomplished by working all the time, but I just feel like I'm at some internal stalemate or rut. This might sound corny, but I don't think I'm growing as a person right now. I still don't feel competent or complete, I don't feel happy. What is happiness, anyway? I know I'm not the first person to pose that question. For me, I suppose it has something to do with having one or two very close friends, finding that one person and finally being able to completely trust someone. It also has something to do with what I do for a living, which is why I've gotta be passionate about what job.
I've spent some time thinking recently about who I'm going to keep in touch with when I graduate. Now that it's so close, I guess it kinda made me realize that what little time I have left at IU I want to spend with close friends. Good people. Well, I can say for sure that I will keep in touch with Nick and Allyson (and by default, Josh). Sara's also on the list, but recently, I feel like we're just not friends. As a person, I'd categorize her as non-confrontational, which really annoys me with certain things she has just chosen not to bring up. I feel like if I never called her again, she might not ever call me either - not because she hates me, but just because she never calls someone first (or rarely). That thought kinda saddens me because of how close we were, but I guess people drift apart. I just hope that graduation wouldn't force us to drift apart even more than we already are. Nick will always be there, I know that. Allyson will always be there for me, too. But Sara? I really hope that we do keep in touch. She's a great person, but something's lost there and I don't think we'll get it back for a long time (if ever). Regardless, I can consider myself lucky for having close friends made at IU. I know that's something you don't just find anywhere. I'd also like to keep in touch with Vince, Julie, Nicky and WB. Anyone else? Don't know, maybe Heather, Shane, Melissa?
For some reason, I got nostalgic earlier today when I thought about how
much I've changed over the past school year. So much has happened to me
(both good and bad), and this summer has had some of that as well. One
really good thing this summer, but also one really regretful thing as
well. The one bad thing still plagues me a bit, but I'm over it. A few people have told me recently how "great of a catch" I am. It's
great to hear that from someone, and even though I used to doubt when
people (namely my mom) used to say that to me, I believe it more now
than ever. Good traits: confident, intelligent, rational, attractive,
quirky (feel free to pipe in, folks!). Bad traits: temper, impatient,
secretive, sometimes possessive.
Shit! I gotta get happy. Ok, things to look forward to:
~ Europe in one month!
~ Graduation (well, I guess that's a bittersweet thing)
~ Bloomington in less than a week
~ Harry Potter 7. Like, whoa.
~ Interpol concert next Wednesday
~ Getting my life organized? MMaybe...
Hey, at least my life isn't a saga like some people I know....
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| Brilliant. Amazing. I love the stripes. Every album just keeps getting better, they never disappoint.
I made $662 during this slow and boring week. Hope to break $1,000 next week, and I think it's possible. If that happens, I'm taking a short trip to Chicago or Bloomington - or both. Who's with me? 16 days until the movie, 26 days until the book. Can't wait!!!
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| $It's so nice to be working again, can't believe I'm saying that considering I deal with a high maintenance clientele all day long. It's stressful and tiring being a server and I rarely get to sit down or take a long break, but I feel better working and being productive than being lazy by sitting around. I've only worked a few shifts at the new job, but already I've made a shitload. This is a good thing, folks. I have the feeling that if I wanted to take a trip to Chicago or Bloomington again , it wouldn't be that difficult to do, even though I'd only be able to see people for a day or two. I wasn't going to even consider doing this before because I've started making money so late in the summer, but I'm thinking it could be possible. Oh, the possibilities... But I do have to remember that I'll be in Europe in a few months, and honestly, I'd rather spend some of this money on traveling and sight seeing than buying beer or going out to eat. We shall see.
On another note, I have some ideas about things I could do post graduation. Getting excited about the possibilities. As much as I've loved undergrad, I'm really ready to move on and get into the real world. Senior year will be awesome though. A semester spent abroad will round things off nicely, and then I'll be in town for the last few months to chill with people, get some things done and graduate. I can't wait!
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| I'm thinkin yeah.I'm in such a good mood, and I've been in a good mood for the past week. I'm kinda wondering why at this point my cynical realism hasn't ruined it yet, but I'm not complaining. Let's go through the list, shall we? I'm drinking a White Russian, dare I elaborate? I start making money tomorrow - lots of money. Fuck yes, no more shitty jobs and working for people I don't really like. And lastly, I'm in Bloomington in five days. I can't wait, wish it would come sooner. I talked to some friends today, already getting some things set up and going. Sweet! Oh, and Arrested Development made me really happy today too. That shows is fucking awesome. Incidentally, I won a goldfish at Blossom the other day and named him George Michael.
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