| I WONDER SOMETIMES......IF I DISAPPEARED , WOULD ANYONE EVEN NOTICE? NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO.......
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| NOT WHO I USED TO BE.WOW XANGA.
I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING WELL, OKAY THATS A LIE I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING AT ALL. EVER FEEL LIKE YOU CAN TALK FOREVER BUT YOU ARE NEVER HEARD? THATS ME. HI NICE TO MEET YOU. I DON'T KNOW I'M JUST REALLY DOWN THESE DAYS. I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING THING IN LIFE RIGHT NOW THAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO. I DON'T HAVE A JOB I'VE TRIED BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING FOR ME. I'M A BIG LET DOWN TO MYSELF. I'VE HAD TONS OF TIME TO THINK OF EVERYTHING GOING ON AND I HATE WHO I AM TURING INTO. I WAS SO MUCH STRONGER A YEAR AGO AND NOW I LET PEOPLE WALK OVER ME. I'D RATHER JUST STAY AT HOME LAYING IN BED THEN GOING OUT AND ENJOYING LIFE. WHATS GOING ON WITH ME? I FIGURED OUT THAT I STOPPED BEING WHO I AM RIGHT AFTER MY FATHER'S STROKE. I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING GOING ON. I JUST WANTED TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL AND NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE. LIKE NOW HOW I'D RATHER SIT AND CRY THEN LIVE..... I NEED A SIGN THAT HELPS ME GET GOING AND KICKS MY ASS TO GO BACK TO MY TELLING PEOPLE HOW I FEEL AND NOT HOLDING IT IN UNTIL I CRY IT OUT AT 4:00 A.M. TO MY MOTHER LIKE I DID LAST NIGHT. I NEED TO FIND MYSELF, FAST BEFORE I FADE AWAY.........
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| yay. so tomorrow i'm picking up hershey and matt from the airport and friday we are heading up to orlando for katie's wedding where i'll be having my banquet 2006. ya sorry friends, with moving and such i wont be coming to banquet this year. much love tho. god i've needed this weekend for quite sometime now. yay for november.
<3
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