| | - I'm BOSSYToday's post is being dedicated to all of those things that needlessly cause conflict. I'm going to go through this in a boy/girl/boy/girl fashion. In other words, these are things I've noticed that either guys fight about, or girls fight about.
Boys - We invented the No Blinking Game!
This has to be the most unreasonable thing guys do, right? Try as I might, I really can't understand it. Not that I don't do the same thing as every other guy. What am I talking about? I'm talking about what goes down when two guys who don't know eachother make eye contact. COME ON. This shouldn't be a big deal. But...it is. I mean, I can feel so much hate for a guy who I haven't ever seen before if he looks at me. I guess guys are always looking for someone to challenge them, so when time goes by and no one actually challenges them, they have to look for ways to act like they're being challenged. Example:
I'm cruising down South Main. Rolling with my homies. I look to my right, and sitting in the parking lot of Blockbuster is the local Street-Cycle gang. Most people would back down at this point...but let's face it, I own a Ford Truck...So I give them the look that says "Good luck on the motorcycles, better hope it doesn't rain, or that you don't run into anything." I'm pretty sure they caught my drift...
Wouldn't it be AWESOME if girls thought the same kind of things? I swear, stuff like that actually goes through a guy's head.
Anyways, all I can say is...it's a weird weird thing that happens every single day. Ask any guy, they'll tell you. Weird.
Girls - Do you like Ford/Chevy/Dr. Pepper/Coke/or Pink best?
I don't even know what to say about this one. Girls are crazy. I swear though, I've seen one girl punch another girl in the throat because they didn't agree on which soft drink they preferred. Girls are constantly polling people. God help you if you answer wrong. Here's a situation for you:
Blondie: Hey Jonathan, what do you prefer, blondes or brunettes?
Me: Uhhh...
See in this situation, what do you do? My girlfriend has brunette hair so of course I love brunettes...but at the same time the girl asking is blonde and I don't really want to anger her...I can already tell she's emotionally involved in this question, who KNOWS what she'll do if I say brunettes...Courtney is around here somewhere isn't she...
Blondie: Come on Jonathan, it's not a big deal, I'm not in any way emotionally involved in this question!
Liar...LIAR LIAR LIAR.
Me: Oh ok, well then I guess I'd choose brunettes!
At this point, I have made the grave mistake of going off of what a girl said, and not reading in between the lines...
Blondie: WRONG YOU STUPID JERK. I HATE YOU. WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME!?!?!
I think you kind of catch the drift. Girls like polling people, but they have agendas...boy do they have agendas.
Boys - You don't agree with me? I bet you will after I indoctrinate you!
Ok, so if girls take it personally when you don't agree with them, what do guys do? For guys, it's a competition - hold up, incase you don't know this, EVERYTHING IS A COMPETITION - to see who can sway who. Guys will argue for hours over the smallest things in the world, just for the satisfaction of proving the other guy wrong. Example:
Billy: What's your favorite, mexican food or italian food?
Notice how this is something totally subjective. He didn't ask "Which is the best?" He asked, "What's your favorite?"
Me: Well Billy, I would have to say that I prefer mexican food.
Billy: Man are you KIDDING me? Mexican food? You'd rather eat beans and rice and other bland foods like that over the sweet, flavor-explosion, that is italian food? That's rediculous! I can't believe that! You'd rather have corn tortillas than garlic bread? Taco salad over an Olive Garden salad? WHAT? Gah, you wear me out, italian food is easily the best food that there is. There's no way you could prefer mexican food. I'm going to go out on a limb and say...honestly...you're probably not going to heaven now. Everyone knows there's a right and there's a wrong and mexican food ain't the right choice!
More than likely, this will go on for 45-120 minutes.
Exhausted Me: Ok fine, italian food is better...*passes out*
Ecstatic Billy: HAH, you caved! YOU FOOL!
Yeah, there you go. Guys go through arguments like that about every third day.
Well I'm going to stop my little thought process for a while. If you can think of any other things guys and girls do that are weird...let me know - I'll stare you down, jack your idea, and turn it against you!
Girls - Of course she said that, but what she really means is...
Ok, with guys, what you see/hear is what you get. With girls? Not the case. When a girl tells a guy "It's fine, you can go out with your friends." The guy hears, "It's fine, you can go out with your friends." The girl wants the guy to hear, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't abandon me for those slobs you call friends, LOVE ME...LOVE ME...PLEASE...I AM GOING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU IF YOU GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS!"
Why is it like this? It's like that because, guys are used to dealing with guys and girls are used to dealing with girls. When guys say something to other guys, they usually mean what they say. I mean, how gay would it be if I asked a guy if he was ok, and he said yeah, and then I said that I didn't believe him and that I thought he really needed my companionship...? HOW GAY? Very.
Girls however, they say stuff to other girls/guys and expect that person to read deeper into what they're saying. Trust me, if a girl says, "Don't worry about it, I'll be ok." She does not want you to breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Alright great!" Trust me. This is why guys get upset when girls read deeper into what they say, and also why girls get upset when guys don't read deeper into what they say.
Boys - Who are we kidding? We're not girls!
Face it ladies, guys just don't have that many conflicts. Basically any conflict we do have is caused by competition. That's it. If you want to know what the base of any guy-oriented conflict is, it's competition. Fighting over a girl? Competition. Arguing over stuff? Competition. Yeah, we might fight as much as girls, but we aren't so dad gum complicated.
Girls - I hate Kelly...oops here she comes, "HEY Kellyyy, I LOVE your shoess"
Dare I say it? Another difference between boys and girls? Guys, what happens when you don't like somebody? You know it, they know it (unless you're a woman about it), and everyone else knows it too. Usually you can work something out and everything is hunkydorey. Girls, what happens when you don't like somebody? You injest it, you swallow it, and only tell your closest friends how much rage and hate is inside of you. By the way, this practice cannot be healthy. But yeah, why is this? I don't understand. I really don't. Example:
Thoughtful Sally: *Thinking* I hate Kelly so much, she thinks she's SOOo cool. She's not...SHE ISN'T. How dare her talk to Bobby, everyone knows I'm trying to get him. Why would she talk to him? She's rediculous. I'll show her... Uh-oh, here she comes, what do I say what do I say? I don't want her to know how much I obviously hate her...
Oblivious Kelly: Hey Sally, how are you doing? You look great! I love your purse!
At this point, we really don't know whether or not Kelly actually likes Sally since this example is from Sally's point of view only. I would do Kelly's point of view but I can't handle being inside of TWO girl's minds at the same time.
Deceivingly Sweet Sally: I love youuuu...you're shoes are great! Where'd you buy them? Oh and good luck with Bobby, isn't he sweet?
Ok, I think you get my point. Girls lie.
Just kidding. Girls don't lie, they really have good intentions I think. They just don't understand that everything would be easier if they had the emotions that guys have.
I'm being somewhat facetious here so please don't call me a male shovenist.
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| | Posted 7/8/2006 8:37 PM - 23 views - 6 comments
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