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| i'm baaack. lol
I've been over diana's the last few days, not that its of any concern to anyone.
So i havent been on the internet in like..a week. I havent updated my diary or anything, havent made any attempts of contact with my somerville friends.
They havent made any attempts to contact me. i mean, i'm usually on the internet like all day every day but i havent been on in like a week and it didn't even seem to bother them a bit. They probably didn't even fricken notice. In my other diary i wrote that i would probably go over diana's a few days...but i didn't say when or how long or even if it was definate. and they didn't even bother to find out. watever.
My birthdays coming up in like 2 weeks and none of them probably even remember. I'm not gonna even mention it to them. fuck it.
Specially amy, my 'best friend'...you'd think at least she'd be the slightest bit curious. watever tho. i don't care anymore. I was gonna try n go down to somerville next satarday but i don't c a point in going anymore. gr. watever.
anyways.
Tuesday I went over diana's and basically spent the night with anthony and diana and we all just hung out. Then after he left me and diana snuck out to see this kid chao that she knows. it was a fun day.
I'm having the hardest time remembering the rest of the week...haha.
um.
Wednesday diana got dismissed from school so i wouldn't be bored all day and plus they werent doing anything there anyways. I honestly have NO clue what we did wednesday, i know we did something but i just don't know what. wow, this is sad. lol. But i do know that we snuck out again later on in the night to go see chao again. ok, wait. I remember. We went on the busses and had everyone sign her moms b-day card.
Then on thursday I woke up and diana's sister raylenes b/f invited me to smoke with them so i did. Then diana had a half day so she came home and i was stoned and we ate grill cheese...grill cheese is awesome when your high. Then I took a shower and that killed my high so i was dissapointed. Then we took the bus to methuen to get diana's mom a carnation cause it was her birthday and we went and got pizza and just walked around...saw alot of cute guys...got a kiss from one of them 2, wahoo. anyways. Then we finally got back around 6ish and then we just hung out till her mom left to go out with her b/f for the night and then later on we snuck out..well just left cause her mom wasn't there anyways and saw chao. We went in the fountain across the street and got soak and wet and kept splashing eachother and everyone was beeping their horns and staring at us like we were on crack, lol.
then we went inside and gave everyone hugs and got them wet, haha. We changed and between 10 and 11 like 4 or 5 guys came over and we were hanging out and shit, most of them were cute 2, wahoo. Then me, diana, raylene, jay, christina, ashley and other people smoked ourselves retarded and went back and sat with all the guys and i remember we were all talking, having fun and watching the simpsons and at one point everyone was ebing loud and diana was like "Everyon be quiet i'm trying to watch spongebob" then everyone laughed and she was like "shit! I mean, the simpsons!!" lol. I felt so dumb the whole time but it was fun.
Then everyone left and a few minute later her mom came home and her dumbass brother told her that a bunch of people were there and that we were being wicekd loud. so she was pissed and then i went to sleep.
Friday was crazy. Sam came over diana's around noon and since diana was gonna go off with joanie, me and sam went to the movies and saw the movie "saved". That was movie was craazy. It was about this group of people taht were into religion and they went to a christian school and believed alot in jesus and shit and then the girls b/f finds out he's gay, then the girl gets pregnant with his baby cause she slept with him in attempts to make him not gay..cause jesus told ehr to sleep with him. Then she became friends with this crazy alcoholic girl and then everything. i donno, it was weird. Anyways. Then anthony showed up...again...gr. long story..lol. He gave me a happy bunny poster, a key chain, a happy bunny ring and a bracelet. which i liked and i was happy but he's been pissing me off lately so i was in a bad mood.
Then me and sam went on a double date. It was me, her, anthony and henry. We went and got pizza, hung out and then me and sam went back to dianas and helped finish setting up for diana's moms suprise party that she knew about. Everyone got pissed off so the rest of the night was basically eating then sleeping.
Satarday we didn't really do much during the day. But at night we went to the puerterican festival/carnival thing even tho i'm not puerterican, diana and joanie still wanted to go. So we walked aroundf or 5 fricken hours...we stopped once for like 5 minutes. I felt like shit, every bone in my body hurt, my foot hurt and its been hurting for the last few days...it hurts to move it, so i was in a really bad mood and then on top of it all i had to go the bathroom sooo bad my stomach hurt but there wasn't a bathroom. then finally around 8ish or 9ish we walked back to diana's at which point we got harassed by 2 ugly scary guys that wanted us to drink with them even tho we'd never met them before. Then my lover(inside joke) came over and stayed awhile, then he left and we all went to sleep.
Which brings me to today, which sucks cause i had to go home. I coulda stayed at diana's forever, its wicked fun there and i was very rarely unhappy. but oh well.
My moms been bitching at me all day. My moms b/f has the NERVE to to talk to me as if he's not sayin shit about me behind my back. so i've been ignoring him.
I ihavent been taking my medicine cause i forget it when i went over diana's. so now i'm over a week behind on my medicine. But oh well. When i was at diana's i felt like ididn't need it anymore, i acually felt happy. but, i know i need to take it cause i know its not a permant feeling.
yeah. anyways.
i just lost all motivation to finish this entry so i'll write later. | | |
| I went over my dads last night.
It went ok. he drank as i expected but he wasn't an asshole drunk, just a funny drunk. he gave me a sex talk, ahh. and said he wanted to meet my b/f..as if that'll happen.
Anthony is, goth, kind of. And my dads always been against the whole peircing thing and all that so i don't foresee a meeting with both of them. lol
yeah. um. i donno. The night with my dad wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. i'm gonna go back and visit him soon.
In other news.
grr. It doesn't seem like anyone from somerville wishes to have any contact with me so watever, fuck it. I mean i don't want to lose amy or anyone for that matter. but i've known amy for several years but it doesn't seem like she wants to be my friend anymore, she never IM's me and she just got my # but even before she never called my cell. hollie, jen or anyone. watever. its just making me mad cause it seems like i'm the only one that makes the attempts to contact them. Kims like, the only one that IMs me and stuff. so i'm gonna stop it soon, if they want to be friends with me they'd keep in touch 2. its a 2 way street.
ugh.
i'm so depressed. It seems like the medicine is starting to work, but i still feel like complete and utter trash. I feel as if i should be thrown away.
la la la. same old bullshit i guess.
p.s-kim just told me she stole 2 klonapins from her dad. one for me and one for her. wahoo, that makes me excited, i've wanted to try those for a long time.
lol. yeah i gotta go. i'll update later.
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| it seems like none of my friends really want to be my friend anymore, but yeah. watever.
Um. Today I hung out with anthony all day.
We were in my brothers room most of the time cause my bed was to small. lol, wow that sounded really wrong. We didn't do anything we just layed together and cuddled and all that happy stuff.
We watched school of rock. It was a funny movie, i really liked it.
hm. I donno.
we had a water fight, haha, how childish. But it was funny. And then earlier on we had a glitter fight. I feel like i'm one big sparkle now and he doesn't even have anything on him, how rude. lol
yeah. It was a good, relaxing night. I wish he was still here tho :( i have his sweatshirt tho :). wahoo. lol yeah.
i'm gonna shut up now. | | |
| its 3 in the morning and i can't sleep and i feel like i want to throw up.
This just really sucks.
I'm spending the day with anthony tomorrow and i need to at least be a tad bit awake so i can be good company.
But since its 3 AM and i would have to wake up about 6 to take a shower and leave by 7:30, i might as well just stay up cause if by some miracle i fall asleep i'll be even more tired and probably wont wake up on time and it'll suck.
But yeah. this sucks.
Next time i see my psychiatrist i'm gonna ask for some kind of sleeping pill cause this not being able to sleep thing is really pissing me off.
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| I don't think anyone would even give a shit if i killed myself. | | |
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