The more i know Your power, Lord
The more i'm mindful
Of how casually we speak and sing Your name
How often we have come to You
With no fear or wonder
And called upon You only
For what we stand to gain

God forbid that i find You so familiar
That i think of You as less than who You are
God forbid that i should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

Lord, i often talk about Your love and mercy
How it seems to me your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that i could take You for granted
Though You're closer than a brother, You are more than just my friend

God forbid that i find You so familiar
That i think of You as less than who You are
God forbid that i should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

You are Father God Almightly
Lord of all, You're King of Kings
Beyond my understanding
No less than everything

God forbid that i find You so familiar
That i think of You as less than who You are
God forbid that i should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

God Forbid - Point of Grace

O God....why do i so often take You for granted...O Lord, i can be such a hypocrite sometimes. Father, You deserve my everything....all of my life, all of my love, all of my reverence. Please forgive me for taking You for granted

dude i got a 92 on my psych midterm....i  guess 92s are my friends. heh oh well....

Your mercy found me
upon the broken road
and lifted me beyond my failure

into Your glory
my sin and shame dissolved
and now forever Yours i'll stand

in love never to end
to call you more than God
Glorious Friend

So i'll throw my life upon all that You are
cuz i know You gave it all for me
and when all else fades my soul will dance with You
where the love lasts forever

heh i remember awhile ago alan was talking about this song...and how it was an "ah" song (you know that look alan gets on his face when you tell him something awesome God did and alan is like "ah, yes!"). at the time i was like huh...that's cool. but now i'm like yeah. it's great.

i picked up my guitar and started playing this song...but stopped at the third line in the first verse.

and lifted me beyond my failure 

guess it really struck me and stuff. lately, i feel like all i've been doing is failing. no matter what, i can't measure up. in youth group, at home, with my studies, with friends, with responsibilities, spiritually. i've hated it...i've hated myself. couldn't i measure up at least once? do something right for a change?

one thing i've learned is that you can never learn something enough times. lol, now didn't that seem contradicting? but it's true. no matter how many times i think God has taught me to depend only on Him, He takes a different approach and proves me wrong. i've been pinning all my failures on myself lately. wondered how it is that i can be so good at messing up. criticized myeslf for not pushing myself harder. but God keeps asking me who or what i'm trying to please. what makes me desire to excel? is it for Him?

unfortunately, the answer's been no.

God has never asked me to be the best in studying. He's never looked at me and said "you're WORTHLESS because you don't speak a foreign language". He's never slapped me for my horrible sense of direction. He's never cringed when i play a note wrong on a guitar. He's never kicked me for not doing things as well as other people.
He doesn't ASK me to push myself to perfection. and unfortunately, i have definitely NOT been seeking to excel to please Him. it's been for all the wrong reasons and has come out of a desire to please people.

so suddenly i'm failing and i ask God why? no. i fail, and then i let God lift me beyond my failure.

i forget...and i have to be reminded over and over again that i'm not here to please people. i'm not here for myself or for them. i'm here for HIM. the sole purpose of my existence is to serve Him and bring Him glory. so what have i been doing to bring God glory?

sitting down and thinking about what courses i would take if i got into sas (they're all way too interesting. I WANNA TAKE THEM ALLLLL) made me think. okay, so i wanna take this to get into college...but i also need to take this...and this and that...but what if i want to change my major i should be well rounded and take THESE.

so why do i wanna get into college? to get a good job? why do i wanna get a good job? to make money and raise a family and errrr enjoy things in life? when it all comes down to it, any reason you can give is ridiculous. unless you know God is calling you to be a multi-billionaire, what's the purpose? our purpose is for God alone. if i end up dropping out of school now, going to Tibet, and preaching the gospel to some random buddhist monks i know a whole bunch of people would laugh. cringe. ask my parents about me with wide eyes "WHAT she never went to college and never even finished highschool?!?!?!?!?" oh, the absolute horror! but if it's what God wants me to do, that's where i wanna be.

God has never told me "cherise, you have to get into USC to bring me glory". although that would be cool if He did because if it was God's will for me to go NOTHING COULD STOP ME! YAYYY
uh yeah back on topic
God has never expected me to be more than what He created me to be. so what if i'm inferior by the world's standards. i can't let that put me down. i need to be looking at myself through GOD'S eyes and HIS standards. think about life. you done? now think about eternity. we have so much more to look forward to. and we should not be building up treasures for ourselves on earth, but rather, in Heaven (Luke 12). "But by the grace of God, i am what i am, and His grace toward me was not in vain" (1 Cor. 15:10).

"For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God." - 1 John 3:20-21

^^^^ love this verse. one of my new favorites =)

yupyup. and i wanna say (if ppl actually read my posts all the way to down here. haha) THANK YOU so much to everybody who has encouraged me with the whole SAS thing. i appreciate all ur advice and ur prayers, and i think i'm doing much better now =D. still nervous...still freaked out, actually. but i'm feeling a lot better concerning it. not so worried anymore (yes you can be freaked out yet not worried).

woot. xanga is wayyyyy too addicting

man i got a 92 on my psych project. i'm pretty disappointed in myself. and i'm espeically sad since all of you guys helped me out and especially alice translating the surveys and priscilla and debs came over to help with the project and stuff and yet i only have a 92 to show for it. ahhhhh i'm so mad at myself. oh well.

GRADES ARE NOT ALL THAT MATTERS!

heh, now let me tell myself that 100 more times and i think i'll be good.

well, it is now 12:14 AM, and i think i'm going to take after alice a bit in that i'm going to go into my random ponderings about things and my feelings just because i feel like it and i've realized i really haven't done much of that lately.

No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
   Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
      lighten the burden of those who work for you.
   Let the oppressed go free,
      and remove the chains that bind people.
  Share your food with the hungry,
      and give shelter to the homeless.
   Give clothes to those who need them,
      and do not hide from relatives who need your help. (New Living Translation)
Do this and the lights will turn on,
   and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
   The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
   You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' (The Message)

Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
      Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
      Feed the hungry,
      and help those in trouble.
   Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
      and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. (New Living Translation)

- Isaiah 58:6-10

I find that I like looking up verses in other versions. It's really very intersting and it gives you a wider perspective so that you're not a victim of fixedness =)

Whoa, i mean seriously...just think about that. if we do what we're supposed to do...what God meant for us to do....we're invincible. Correction: when we stay with God we're invincible, because HE is invincible and protects the one He loves who has no strength with everything He has. awwwww what a great love story! I mean think about it. think about God's purpose  for us...He's REACHING out for us and saying "I have such a great plan for you! Please...just trust Me. Follow Me in My ways. I know they seem scary at first, but I can do anything, and I will carry you over all it. Trust Me, the results are more than worthwhile".

it's like a journey! and we're the weak humans who can't go a step without falling and think that it's easier to stay behind and follow the ways of the world. but God sees and knows the end results. He's been everywhere, knows everything. but we obviously can't follow on our own strength. So then what? Close your eyes. take His hand.

trust

Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
      and your wounds will quickly heal.
   Your godliness will lead you forward,
      and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
    Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
      ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. (New Living Translation)

whoa. can i put it in any other terms? 'whoa' does not even begin to describe it. we're crippled with all the bad things in our lives. our sins, our shame, our weak flesh. it's like a person with no legs trying to scale mount everest. no...not even close. it's like a paralyzed person trying to scale mount everest. impossible. but then God steps in, takes the blows we should have taken for our sins. and to top it off, he offers to carry us over the journey of the mountain (pretend that there's this absolute gorgeous beautiful paradise at the top of mount everest that is like....5000000000000000000x Tahiti. plus, it has all the great food you love and you can get your own version of perfect weather following you around, and there is still an industrial city for those who want that. everything you want is there. and the rest of the world is falling apart). so what do you do? you would be stupid not to give yourself up to Him. you'd be stupid to doubt Him.

yet we do all the time

we forget His power. we forget His love. we forget His purpose. we forget His holiness. we forget His beauty.

maybe we're not doubting Him. we just forget how much of us we have to give to Him. ALL of us. seem like a sacrifice? perhaps we're forgetting the results.

He can't do the great things He wants to do to/through/in us if He doesn't have full control

why do we hold back? why?

read verse 10 again in "The Message" format.

Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
   firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
   make the community livable again.

think about it. really THINK.

Goodbye 2006