|
SilverHorse
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Nicholas
Country: United States
State: Louisiana
Metro: Ruston
Birthday: 9/18/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Music, Board Games, Video Games, School, COFFEE....
Expertise: EVERYTHING... Oh and Counting to Purple Backwards... I can do that well.
Occupation: Student - Research assistant
Industry: Biomedical Engineering
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  LatechEngie20
Yahoo:  MartianBoi1115
Member Since:
9/30/2004
|
|
| Questionsalternate universe without physical restrictions.... I wanna go!
So, shits been crazy lately. Lots of classwork and forcing myself to study. I need to get back on my medicine and work harder for this quarter, I've kind of been messing up lately.
| | |
| unhappyWhat do you do when everything makes you unhappy in life?
Everything about my life makes me unhappy....
makes me angry
pisses me off,
enrages me
and most importantly depresses me.
So, if everything in my life makes me unhappy, is it my life that makes me unhappy?
If it's my life, how do you change your fucking life?
I feel like I have nothing in my life that makes me happy... except my drive and intelligence....
Without that I may not have made it this far.
This town, the people around me, my various situations like my mother and my family .... my ex's family.... etc. The list goes ON!
What do I do?
I guess just trudge through and hope it gets better.
That's all I know to do.
It's not getting any better.
| | |
| Lost in translationYeah.....
So I'm sitting around my unfolded clothes....
I'm questioning.
I'm uncertain
unhappy
I don't know what's going on
and I don't know why I'm here.
I looked around today and didn't really have a place to be.
I don't have a "place."
Why not?
is it me?
I think it is but what the fuck is wrong?
Great.
Another fucking thing wrong with me.
Just add it to the rest.
Fuck
That's depressing.
Again.
| | |
| What am I doing here...He drones on
Scaling the board with his marker
speaking monotonously about absolutely nothing
I look at the figures on the board
and realize I may not want to be here.
That's a scary thought
of everyone I know, I'm the sure one
not so much right now.
I haven't been sure of my decisions lately
not with life
not with school
not with people...
not at all really.
It's beginning to affect me
for the worse
it's wearing away at me, just like everything else
just like everything else
like everything else
everything else
everything else
maybe that's it
maybe that's the problem,
the "everything else"
I just want to know myself
I've started to find out recently
who this person is in the mirror
staring at me
pushing me
driving me
hurting me
hating me
wait it's me. I'm in the mirror I forgot.
Silly, stupid, retarded, ugly me.
| | |
| what???Okay, seriously I can't sleep. This is ridiculous!
I had a good day today mostly. Had no problems, got most of my stuff done. I did however accidentally take a 4 hour nap which is why I'm up now typing on xanga.
I think I'm scared to be happy. Some self-destructive mechanism in my brain keeping my from happiness. This has been told to me a few times and well, I'm listening to it and trying to figure it out. I'm tired of hating or blaming the shit in my past. I'm tired of letting it determine who or what I am. How do I stop that, I mean, I don't notice it but it happens in my head. It and the way it has affected me for so long is beginning to get on my nerves and I need to change it. I'm going to goto a counselor. Maybe I need on meds or just need to see a shrink for awhile. O well, xanga seems to have worked this far.  I'm gonna lay down and try to sleep again. Let's see how this works.....
| | |
|
