so, im off. i've packed all my stuff (i hope) and said my goodbyes and my i love you. its time to go. (enter spontaneous break out into “im leaving on a jet plane..[or car].. I don’t know when ill be back again [yes I do, 2 weeks for B’s birthday] )  I don’t really have a whole lot to say.  Just a few words for a few people…

my heidi-ho..  just remember that I love you. You ARE strong and beautiful. You have a heart for jesus and a spirit of a saint. Ohh.. and you are the ONLY one who knows the “Katie dance..”  ill see you soon. Thanksgiving is only 3 months away..

ktj.. take hope in knowing that no matter how far we are apart.. ( CA and OH are like 5 inches apart on the map! That’s not THAT far..) you will always be my ktj. Please know that im on my knees for you constantly. Don’t let anyone take away the deep love you hold in your heart. I am holding you high about this earth and surrounding you with a cloud of witnesses. I love you very much. We’ll do Katie things again soon..

jess, kevin, adam… I love you guys with the deepest parts of my heart and soul. Please know that even if we don’t talk much over this next school year, I am praying for you and always remembering you and giving thanks for the moments we shared. Stay close to one another. And Kevin and Adam.. the secret to the kt dance is in the booty.. and I do have one big booty..  J that’s all you get for now..

bradley.. I think of you and all I can do is smile and say.. “aww.. I love my best friend.” You’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. You never once gave up on me and my dreams. Over the past 3 years you’ve kept me smiling and laughing everyday with your lame-o jokes and really out-there comments. You and I, we’re a good team. I love you, best friend. Ill see you soon. (insert giant hug and most excellent kiss... im playing our song if you didn’t notice…)

Lord, I pray that you bless every one of these your children that I love. Keep them in your loving mantle and fill and love them better than I ever could. Blessed Mother, be a mother to us all and lay us at the feet of your Son, begging on our behalf for peace and mercy. St. Michael, protect us from all harm. Surround us with a shield of holiness. Let us rest in love.

..amen..

My parents received this poem that a friend of theirs received as a prophecy from our Lord on my day of dedication. Almost 20 years later I finally read it..

To Katie’s Parents

April 24^th, 1985

From My third heaven on high

I send this little one down to earth,

A blessing to you, O Parents,

For so precious is her worth

Her price far above rubies

A pure pearl of this time

Like Anna in older days

Truly a gift divine

And like Anna, will be humble in spirit

Like a bright star that sweeps the horizon above

With a gentle sweetness and serenity

Which shows forth My abiding love.

For like Anna, she belong to a Godly remnant

And in My beauty has time to delight

Such as the dawn that breaks into color

And the stars that light the sky at night

But I say to you, O’ parents,

That I give you charge over this one so fair,

Faithfully lead her in My way

Bringing her before Me often in prayer

Dedicate her to My Truth

For I am the Truth, The Life, and The Way

Know all the promises of the Father

Comes as she learns the Way of Truth to obey!

Lord, I pray this night that you continue to humble me. I thank you for hearing my prayers and blessing me with the gifts I need. I will always look to you for Truth. You are my way, my truth, and my life. I love you, I need you…

..amen..

something that has changed the way i live my life.. think about it, pray about it. but know that it is truth..

"For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body." (1Corinthians 6:20)

Jesus poor your blessing upon my body. For my freedom came at price. Your body was broken and mocked. I ask only that you have mercy upon me. Help me be a sacrifice of love. You died for me, Lord. Help me understand that. You are King.. 

 ..amen..

Pray for me as I journey to Tiger, GA for a month of LT camps.

 

Currently Playing Fly By Dixie Chicks see related

- Some Days You Gotta Dance

I needed tonight.

I went to the Brave's game tonight with my girls. It was the most fun i've had in a really long time, and it couldnt have come at a better time. We just simply had fun. [And the fact that the four of us were on tv together after we got a ball didnt hurt] It was one of those nights that we didnt want to say goodbye. I wish that we could have drove all night long listening to 80's music and dixie chicks and dancing like fools in the car driving down the highway. I forget sometimes how important my friendships truly are and how much they shape who i am.

Thanks girls. I love you lots.

Jesus, you called me friend and i answered. Help me see you're love in those friendships i struggle with and allow me to grow deeper in those i know well. I love you, Jesus. No matter how far i am, you will always remain inside me.

..amen..

Currently Playing Trapt By Trapt see related

- Stories -

I think I’ve started this journal entry about 6 times now. I feel like Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail when he’s writing the email to Meg Ryan about why he didn’t show up to the coffee shop. He wanted to make something up of why, but in the end, he just wrote what he was feeling…

I’m hurting. My heart, my soul. It hurts. This saying goodbye thing is harder than I thought it was going to be.  It feels like a part of me is dying. I’ve gone numb and have taught myself over the last few weeks to not feel. I’m broken and no one knows.

I’ve had to begin to let go of hopeful things.  I’ve had to let go of someone that I love with the deepest parts of my heart. I’ve had to come to the conclusion that we missed our shot. I have to settle for “what if” and live with “what now.”  I’ve had to learn the meaning of “set love free.” I’ve felt betrayed and disowned. I’ve been let down and ignored. My heart has been torn in two and disregarded.  I’m frail and I’m falling apart. 

Sometimes I wish I was already gone. And in a strange way I am.  I’ve forced myself to push people away so it won’t destroy me when I finally leave. 

But, with all my worries, pain, and anxiety, I am hopeful that Someone upstairs knows what He’s doing. I can only trust through all my brokenness that my one true constant holds me high above this earth and surrounds me with a cloud of witnesses to help guide me along this time of tribulation.

Sweetest Jesus, I understand now how you felt when you walked this earth. I only hope that like your sacrifice, my sacrifice will be pleasing to our Father. Holy Mother, St. Peter, St. Maria, St. Ann, St. Rose. Pray for me. Show me the way to sainthood. Jesus you dwell within me. Help me be a radiance of light for the darkness of the world. I love you.

…amen…