if you know me, this is something i dont talk or write about often... but what the heck.. + its mothers day...
well i'll start with... Happy Mothers Day..

Me+ My mum we aint so family like yer.. not to much of a family.. we argue.. dont talk...dont respect each other.. but couple of days ago....i got so sick to the point where i couldnt get out of bed... before that i didnt talk to my mum...if i did it was hi.. yer blablabla bye.. well the crap me and my "mum" have gone through.. yer its wierd.. deffo not normal....but i guess thats what makes us unique, in our own little crazy way... and thats why in some ways we're still close... we understand each other... and when i was sick... no one could take me to the doctors.... except.... my mum.... so usual.. hi.. why you sick... i told you so.. bla bla bla... in the car... she started to talk...i started to listen...suddenly i couldnt stop listening and the words of

"i know what your going through, i know how you feel, no matter what people think of me, or who i am, i'm still your mother, whether you like it or not.. your my kid and i love you"
those words keep repeating and repeating... then i remembered how hard it was for her.. how much she went through....and how much its killing her.... makes you realise why she push's you so hard... why she wants you to suceed so much...why she wants you to have everything she didnt...
instantly i started to cry..i told mum it was cause i felt sick... but she knew when i said sick...i mean sick of all the crap she gets...and all the crap she goes through.. just cause of some mistakes... some things that happened... in ways.... shes just like me... even if i dont like it.. shes my mum.. no one in the world understands or knows what i'm going through more then her...theres nothing like a mothers touch... no matter who she was/is...who she becomes... the things shes done... wateva! it doesnt matter! i wouldnt give her up for the world..i'm her daughter....shes my mum...she has no husband... i have no dad.... in the end... we're all we've got....

We Are ~Family~

" I see you working hard for me
And wonder what it means:
Whether I will do the same
And give up my own dreams

To offer someone else my world,
A stranger from my womb,
And say: Here, take my life,
So you, not I, can bloom.

It is so awesome, I can't think
How I could make that choice,
Except I see something in you
That gives my own heart voice.

I feel it when you look at me
And understand sometimes
That things I do, I do for two,
And then your hard life shines.

And when I give you grief, I know
That all the bitter pain
Between a mom and growing child
Is simply like the rain.

That alternates with sunny days,
Passion without end,
While underneath is more of life
Than we can comprehend.

From the start, it was me and you,
We've always loved each other,
In the end we're all we got,
I'm your daughter, your my mother. "

Happy Mothers Day.. Mum

xoxo

This isnt the first time i've screwed up... or lied.... or ran away... bleh.. watevs think wat u do....dats good 4 u...i'm not gonna complain about my life... but seriously... mayb i let it get to me... but like.. yer i'm gonna b an idiot again... theres a girl...shes like my sister... her smile...her laugh... it can change the world.....she has so much potential.... shes just like awsum! >.< but like... i'm gonna do something stupid... i'm gonna throw that away....i'm moving schools....and cause of something else too... all she knows is that...i'm letting her go.. the pain within of not being able to say... i miss you... i'm going to miss you.. i need you...i care for you....i love you....we're gonna b sisters forever...

i cant... i cant say any of that to her...i wanna hold onto her....hold onto her so much...i want her to hold onto me to....but i cant...and i dont want her to.....but she means so much to me....she always will... i love her... my lil sis.. my lil angel.. all the best....