School Sucks.

Every time I come back to Xanga they've changed the editor in someway, shape or form. =_= Anyways, yeah I've been in school for about a month and already I'm like "Ugh school..." Well, kinda, I forgot how much work it was. But it's pretty fun to sit through lectures and hang out on campus. That part is all well and good. English 101 is challenging though. Even for my intensive writing overhaul I do 24/7 I'm still not so good. My writings apparently not very effective. ^^;

Eh but it's all good.  I got myself another job. I start tomorrow, and its at a bookstore. I'm really happy about it, and the rest of my family is dreading it because they know I wont have any money left with my paychecks all going into manga and books. But I'll somehow manage.

Forgotten Memories is done...finished that a while back. Idol of Song is my main focus for now, Silent Tears will prolly start in November, though depending on fanbase it might go until after Christmas if Tatsuha and Ryuichi come first. And speakig of stories, I have somewhat abandoned my own site...I don't really have time to update it with work and school and of course Christmas season is coming. So for now, all of that fun stuff is going to be posted on my myspace...since everyone I know seems to have one nowadays. http://www.myspace.com/grieverslastangel is the link to get there. Ill be posting previews for newer chapters as well as storyline ideas there for future references.

And with that, De is gone, heading out to the barn at this hour and hoping not to freeze. Night all!

Currently Listening The Emancipation of Mimi By Mariah Carey We Belong Together see related

When you left, I lost a part of me. Is that so hard to believe?

Wow...I stare at my xanga and wonder if that really was the last time I posted...it's been 2 months, what the hell's wrong with me?

Well, a lot's happened since then I guess is the best way to put it. And yet it's the understatement of the year. I'm not feeling the greatest and I haven't for a while. I guess saying I've been okay would be lying to myself and the people around me. I've taken a wound that I didn't think would nearly hurt this bad and it's still taking it's time to recover.

I've been very moody lately, and for those of you who have seen that, I don't mean to take it out on you. I've hurt some people closest to me and been worried about a few others. I don't mean to push this off on you, but give me a little bit and I'll be back to normal, with any luck.

The new school year starts the 6th for me...and I'll be back in school. I'm taking two classes this semester...not much, but it's a start. And I'm still not working, though I'm not really concerned with all that for now. I'm just worried about taking what I've got piled on me.

Anyway, just a little update from me. I hope the rest of you are doing okay and everyone is well.

I know that this will hurt me, and break my heart and soul inside.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll get blasted for one of my random visits because I'm never around anymore. This week has been hell in a handbasket, so pardon me while I rant. You don't want to listen to it, fine, get off my page now.

It all started last Monday...with a damn drug test for employment at a place in the mall. They couldn't take the test unless I had a valid photo ID. So, we went over to the MVA (Motor Vehicle Adminastration) and asked what it would take to get an ID made so I could get this test. They told me I would need my birth certificate and two pieces of mail for valid address verification.

So, I go to my mom's place to get my birth certificate and she's misplaced the damn thing. It isnt with my brothers and she swears up and down that I had it, so shes blaming me for its loss. Would she help me look for it or get in contact with someone who could get me a new copy? Hell no. My typical mother...only in it for herself and nothing else.

So Tuesday I call my dad and let him know what's going on. He gets in touch with people at the hospital where I was born and they rush-deliver a new copy to his place on Wednesday and he paid like 40 dollars to have it done that fast.

So with my birth certificate and my mail I go up to the MVA Thursday morning...they wouldnt accept one of my mail envelopes because it was dated so 45 mins later I had to go back to the damn building, wait in line for 40 mins for them to verify my information, they give me a numbered ticket and tell me to take a seat. 2 hours later, they call me up and I get one hell of a bitchy lady who asks me "What are you here for?" I say "To get an ID made." She goes "what do you have for identification?" I just stared at her and was like "Nothing...that's why I'm here." So she looks over my stuff and I told her I had had my learner's permit made there before and all of my stuff should be on file. The entire time she's practically doubting who I was I could see, but she takes my papers and goes off and comes back 5 mins later, takes my pic and tells me I can go. I ask her about my ID and she's like "Unless your trading one in, you have to wait for us to mail it to you, to verify your address of course. It takes 7 to 12 days." I explained the situation with the drug test but she wouldnt help me any further. So I'm practically fucked over for this job by the MVA. I hate it. Thank you MVA for being a total dick, once again.

Life just likes to screw me over. As if I'm not a failure already...I dropped out of school, I have no job, my writing talent has gone down the toilet and I always seem to push away the people closest to me. So while I'm wallowing in despair and you all are getting ticked because I'm pitying myself again, I'm going to try my hand at sleep. For those of you I love, you mean more to me then anything. Those those of you I care about, be safe my dearest friends and to those of you that happened to stumble across this, I'm not writing a damned suicide letter (before I get hit with that again). Goodnight all.

Currently Listening Futures By Jimmy Eat World Shame see related

It might take you all night, but you'll love me with time.

Love is an overrated feeling and I hate it. For being such a romantic I've had it. Everyone uses the word so damn casually, and then tells me its so hard to understand, that when I say it it's just a lie, like I don't mean it. Like it's all just a game. I'm sick and tired of walking on eggshells just to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of being in pain just because I feel the way I do.

There's a relationship slipping through my fingers, and the more I try to hold onto it, the more it hurts. I'm a failure at everything else, I mine as well just be a failure at this too. At this point all I want is for her to be happy, and if I can't do that, then I hope and pray there is someone out there that can give her what she needs. I feel at a loss and I would love to try to salvage this one, but 600 miles isnt helping and just trying to be around when I can isn't enough. I can scream and cry all I want, be as infuriated and jealous as I am, but the distance ain't getting closer. I torture myself with these head games every damn day, and no matter how bad I want ans wish, its never enough.

So, with that said, my problems relieve and you all wondering what the fuck is up with me, goodnight, take care and hope to see you whenever I bother to be online next, because my presence isnt needed here any longer.

All Things Must Come To An End....

So, yes.....all things most ineventually end. Times changes, feelings fade and become something else in return. A job I used to love has now become my bane and frustration of multiple layers of stress, no longer. Yes, I quit my job at Things Remembered today.

Part of me's panicking, wondering why in the hell I did it, and part of me is glad to be gone of that godforsaken job. It's ticked me off for the last time. Heather just could not keep any blame on her. It was all our fault, no matter what we did. I was going to lose it anyway...rather lose it two months before the kon then 3 weeks. She can shove it for all I care.

So, its time to start looking once again....it never ends, I swear....