What is an oxymoron?  It is essentially a combination of two contradictory terms that are meant to express and emphasize a certain phenomenon in a rhetorical/figurative sense.  Little known fact is that the etymology for the word shows that it itself is also 'oxymoronic' in nature.  But that is besides the point.  I am, quite literally, stressfully bored.  I am bored to tears, with my allergies kicking me hard in the face, which accounts for my difficulty breathing, but experiencing extreme levels of stress due to... very odd, intrusive, mentally destructive, and persistent family matters.  It hurts to be home in a way that is altogether unique, but otherwise still lending itself to the same conclusion, as when I was living in that near impossibly trying hole in the wall that was my apartment during the actual school year.  Distinct situations and circumstances in either locations... one final conclusion:  I am not allowed to be stress free even when I try oh so very hard to be stress free... as well as NOT try oh so very hard to be stress free. 

Another thing that bothers me.  Down in Riverside, is was so beastly hot it made me completely unwilling to do any serious training because... well... 98-105 degree heat in the morning and 88 degree average heat in the evening is not the most conducive temperature to throw punches and kicks etc.  I thought it would be all fine and dandy with the weather at home.  However, I seem to always forget that the pollen concentration at home is near an infinite level higher than down in Riverside.  Thus up here, the weather is perfect to train, but being outside for longer than half an hour throws me into fits of sneezing combined with a difficulty to breathe.  The only thing that actually made me train more in Riverside during the summer than right now was that I took the obligation of holding training and teaching sessions for individuals who wanted to learn from me during my stay.  Their presence motivated me to train a little, though the majority of the time was still devoted to teaching them martial arts...for free...man I'm seriously a time sink.  Wonderful... absolutely wonderful.  Maybe if I had a motivating factor up here as well to kick my butt and train more... but I can't think of anyone up here that can convincingly tell me/physically entice me to go train.  I guess training is also about company... though ironically I do my best training alone.  But maybe I just say that.  Rather... amendment should be made.  I train best when there is a motivating factor/good company around me to make me train.  However, certain things which I train in can only be done away from prying eyes since I have that cultural bad habit of hiding secrets of the arts from others.  I just set myself up for failure. 

Add this to the fact that the alternative activities are close to zilch because my access to a car is hampered and best, with crippled being closer to reality... and staying at home therefore exposes me to a constant level of just streams of words and anger and all around stress from my family directed at me... because my brother is not here to listen to the lectures that are about him... and I just want to stay in my room and sleep the whole day.  But I cannot.  That goes against my nature.  And thus, I am now thoroughly stressfully bored.