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Spartacusboy
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Name: Paul Gender: Male
Interests: Basketball, football, long distance running, extreme sports... That sort of thing, but I also love just chilling out in the woods by myself. Expertise: coffee. Occupation: Poor college student "TheMooch
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Member Since:
8/26/2006
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| Starting a new life...Well, it's been a while since I've Xanga'd... Sorry, but this is probably the longest blog I've done. I've got a lot to say today, so here goes...
Has anyone heard that song by Augustana called "Boston"? In the breakdown he says, "I think I could go to Boston, think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name..." Then he goes on to say why he wants to go to Boston and so on. Anyway, that's sort of how I feel. Yeah, people know my name in Arizona, but I really kind of feel that I'm starting all over. Like I'm recreating myself.
I just spent two years of my life at the Honor Academy. That's like a tenth of my life so far. And half of my life I hardly remember. So that's like a 5th of the life I do remember! I could go on, but we all get the point.
Just a few hours ago, I sat in my car driving home. The southern weather began to slither into the sky and generously granted some much needed refreshment for the desert landscape of West Texas. The lightning leapt from cloud to cloud in the distance and the sky turned from blue to red to grey as the sun set over the cacti and red dirt covered with bushes. You could see torrents of rain coming down in groups of three. They looked like tentacles daring you to attempt a drive through the wall of water as if they would pull you back into the sky.
All that imagery is just to say that it was a good time to reflect. I don't cry much. I think it's really just happened about 3 times in the past 4 years or so. It's not like I don't want to (I've definitely had the desire to just weep when I've prayed a couple times) , but I try to just wait for my emotions to bring me there, rather than my will. Anyways, As I sat in that little car, it felt like I had just been stabbed and then the knife had melted. My eyes were, well, they were mostly dry I guess. But I felt like I had lost some weird part of me. Like I had forgotten my other half back in Garden Valley. Fact is, I had invested so much of myself there and so little of myself here, at home, that I feel like I'm an emotional pool of water that's trying to go uphill instead of down, unnaturally leaving where the rest of the water is.
First I'll say what I won't miss. I won't miss cafeteria food. I'm not saying that they don't serve good food, they do sometimes for lunch. I'm not even saying that you can't eat healthy... (well, maybe I am a little bit) all I'm saying is that I'm so excited to cook my own food or let my mom cook me food. Good Lord, yes and amen! I won't miss the cramped space, the showers, and the smell of the dorms. I won't miss having to walk a good 5 minutes in Texas heat and humidity to get to class. When you're wearing office attire, you practically have to swim through your own sweat to get in the door. I won't miss spending 5 dollars in gas money to just get to Wal-Mart. Maybe a few more... But I'll spare you.
What will I miss? Well, let's go in the same order... I'm going to miss cafeteria meetings with my guys and seeing my sisters eating together and shouting out some MIRB cadence when they see me or my guys. I'm going to miss seeing my guys in the dorms and having some fun conversation with my roomies about something ridiculous. I'm going to miss watching my guys splash cold water on peeps in the hot shower, or fighting Duane over who gets the far shower with the seat in it (sorry to all the ladies who will read this). I'm going to miss seeing random guys finding creative ways to get rid of the pungent odor that permeated the hall. Who knew... Axe body spray isn't an air refresher? Specially, when the guy next door uses two whole cans. You can pollute the air so bad, you practically get asphyxiated off of all the alcohol that you inhale and by no means should you strike a match... Hiroshima times 5! I'm going to miss seeing good friends walking in the opposite direction in the Texas heat and giving them a big hug and a pat on the back. For a second, you kind of forget about how hot you are. And I'm definitely going to miss driving to Wal-Mart with the best friends I've ever met... Whether it's a stellar accountability partner, one or 2 of my guys, two incredible sister core advisors, or just a good friend who needs a ride, it makes you forget that you just spent a 4th of the money you made in your plasma visit that week.
In the end, I won't miss the place... I'm going to miss the people.
For a while, I just felt like the three weeks that stand between me and India would be miserable. I would walk forward in this pain that I'm feeling for the remainder of the month of August and get no relief until I relocate. I spent some time with the Lord this morning reading Psalms 60-69 (A good friend recommended them to me). I realized that although the memories may be a little bit painful, it's alright. I'm alive! There's breath in my lungs and my heart still beats to know the Lord. I can't just wrinkle up into a complacent mess because my emotions took a hit. God still holds my whole world in his hands and even for these next few weeks I'm home, I will live on purpose, because surely God has a plan for this short time. My heart still bleeds for India and if I can't go there yet, may my prayers beckon the Spirit to begin to move on the hearts of the Indian people. Although my heart still longs to see the faces I left behind, I won't curl up and die spiritually. The horizon may be uncertain, but it is bright.
To all the incredible friends at the HA... May you continue to pursue the Lord with passion and fury. Let not our zeal grow cold in our abandoning of the place we've grown to love. Let us not forget that our time with the Lord depends not on the environment, but on our willingness and discipline. And finally, let's not forget what we learned. The time has come to practice what we've preached for so long... Let's be Jesus to a world of lost and hurting souls. To a dying generation.
I miss you guys terribly.
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| CornishYa know how all modern speakers start their speech with, "I want to have a conversation tonight." Well that's what I'd like to do... Let's have a conversation. About what the word "Cornish" means. You can look it up in the dictionary if you want to spoil this conversation, but I've determined to go on instinct on this one... So, let's begin... This could be an expletive: "What the Cornish is wrong with you? Get your cornish feet off of my car dash! CORNISH!" Or, this could be a complimentary: "My, my, my girl... You're lookin' cornish (insert creepy, insincere, sly smile here). Dang bro, that jacket's cornish." Or it could be one of those political jargons that we aren't actually supposed to figure out: "After reviewing our previous economical records, we've found that through cornish attempts to reform our spending, conservative methods simply will not work for plan 414. To pull away from this recessive pattern, it's clear that we must rely on unmitigatedly pragmatic efforts." Your thoughts? | | |
| Memories of IndiaOccaisionally I'll take a look at the pictures from my trip to India last summer... Man, there are some beautiful shots that we got when we were down there, so I just figured I'd post a few. Granted, I didn't take all these pictures. Carmel took the first two. For some idiotic reason (i've learned my lesson) I thought that landscape pictures would turn out lame... Her's definately didn't. 
This was on a rooftop in the early morning. Imagine having your quiet time with a thousand miles of fire sailing over you. 
This was during a baptism... God, I get shiveries when I think about how beautiful the world looked then. The ground was covered with thick grass and the hills in the distance had a distinct blue haze about them. The mountains in the foreground stuck out with a full green. There were no power lines, no pollution... Nothing that would mar the sacredness of the beauty. The rocks nearby stuck out of the earth with slate-like formations. Straight and layered, it really looked like a scene from an epic movie that took cinematographers years to find.
But in spite of all the beauty in nature, the true beauty was the people. God had taken much more care in creating them then he had in any picteresque scene of nature. 
There's something about this picture that holds my attention. It just reminds me of a few things... Pain is real. America is not the world. My comfort will never satisfy me. There's millions of naked, starving people who I'll never be able to help... But if I can help one, then I think it's worth it. Don't close your eyes and pretend the job's done. | | |
| Hail 08! Goodbye 07! Memories of a trip to Colorado.Well the end of a truly glorious saga has come. 2007 was quite a year. Wow, it's been a few months since I've pulled an update on this guy. As you can see I attempted to change my look and feel around. Someone needs to tell me how to put pictures and stuff as the background. I keep going to my friends profiles and they have these really cool trees in the back... That's so spiffy. Anyways, what's been happening? Well, I thoroughly enjoyed snowboarding and ski blading with my brothers a week ago. It seems like it's been over a month since I've been back, but in reality, it's been only a week. There are a few things I love about snowboarding: The effortless glide along the snow, the feeling I get right before I hit a steep slope, maneuvering as well as I can manage as I try to avoid trees on the edges of the slope. Although, the outer edges of the slope is enjoyable, full on tree shooting is nigh impossible for me on a snowboard. It's too difficult for me to dodge trees in the deep woods. But in the end, slopes are crowded. Ski schools roam back and forth across the mountain. Sometimes I find myself dodging the laggers and simply trying to stay on my feet (I'm not a great snowboarder). The frustration I find in snowboarding passes in ski blading. Ski blades are simply skis that are significantly small compared to their owner and they are absent of poles. Because of this, they are surprisingly easy to abandon the common path down the slope and sail off on a forgotten trail into the woods. I still cannot picture a more enjoyable experience then flying through snow covered trees on trails that crisscross randomly. The small blades sliding with beautiful agility across the powdery snow. The wind licking my face constantly as I push speeds that cause trepidation in my heart. My brothers and I will forge off in new explorations in the trees. We can go deep into the growth on the mountain. At times there will be no path from a previous skier barreling his way through the trees. The trees can get so thick that the shade gives the illusion of evening. But when I rush through the trees, I get this feeling that I'm looking for something... Some sublime sight of nature that could be just around the corner of the pines. I know that sounds a little weird, but it's true. I guess I love staying away from the crowded slopes because while I rush through the trees I can at any moment simply stop my movement and sit in the snowy trees. Although I love the companionship of my brothers, sometimes I'll let them leave me in the middle of the woods. And as their shouts of joy grow fainter as they speed down the mountain ahead of me, I'll let myself be left alone. Looking, listening to the beautiful vision before me. The only sound I can hear is the snow falling lightly upon it's brethren already stuck to the earth. The trees, like the stoic guards of the wild, slowly nod back and forth in the light wind. Alone... In the forsaken wilderness... It's like a forgotten peace that isn't truly appreciated. God for some bizarre reason, you placed in me a desire for your peace. And I often find it in solitude. I miss Africa. I remember walking out in the bush during our allotted hour of quiet time (good 'ol GE trips) and sitting out in the wild. The smell of genuine air devoid of pollution. Only my shadow to keep me company, and only the voice of God slowly whispering in my ear. I remember the occasional time I'd scare myself with my imagination thinking that a lion was just beyond some trees. The natural sounds combined with my paranoia was enough to get me startled. Ahhh... Good memories. More to come. Sorry, it's just plain 'ol boring text. I'm not very good at taking pictures. Paul | | |
| USA, Hungary, Luxemburg, Denmark, Sweden Venezuela, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Sierra Leon, Liberia Canada, The Netherlands, Dominican Republic, Panama, Costa Rica Bolivia, Peru, Hong Cong, Macau, China Albania, Greece, Italy, Austria, Bulgaria Ecuador, Mexico, Jamaica, Bahamas, Romania AUUUGH! My brain hurts! So... I'm memorizing things for ESOAL. I'm pretty much killing myself trying to remember all these countries and the orders of them... It's times like these, where one has but one thing to do. Time to hug a robot.  Ah, it felt good to be random for just a little. I'm going back to studying now. | | |
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