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Sparx_of_Jade_4207
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Name: MT
Birthday: 11/5/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Come on now people... we should all know that I just love having a good time. There's been too many down points that I'll try anything for a piece of pure delight and some cheap amusement. You always gotta be game if you ever want a real taste of life...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/25/2004
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| I thought the worst of it was through.
I thought I was strong enough.. that all had been tested.
I had such hope that we were making it back to the top.. to the sunny days
How dumb am I?
Darkness surrounds us longer.. the worst is yet to come.
I pray that things will be ok-- I try so hard to be strong.. but what if I just can't be any stronger...
I knew I had to grow up. I knew we would be tested.. But this is torture. I've learned my lessons.. let me go!
And through it all.. she has the the heart to tell me that we still have blessed lives.. better off than others
I know it's true. Just right now, it's too hard to swallow.
She is the most beautiful of them all.. so strong and she doesn't even know it.
The biggest heart of anyone out there.. and yet it is her heart that is her weakness.
Please pray for us, for in these upcoming days.. our lives with starkly change.
>>::_MT_::<<
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| I don't want to lead you astray..
And yet another part of me wants to push you in that direction..
I'm not sure what to do.. how to put it to you
Truth comes out in funny ways.
I love you dearly.. always will.. always there to encourage you-- to push you forward
But even now I don't know how to guide you.
Maybe I'm not the right one.. but you tell me I am
So I must play my part.
I just want you to Understand!
It's that I don't want you to feel you're always second best.. that you're gettin the hand-me-downs.
If it were up to me this would never be the case.
I just want to hold you.. to tell you things will be alright.
Yet I can't and it kills me right now.
It's a choice you need to ultimately make for yourself-- but for some reason you want to use my voice.
Part of me wants to fight this war for you.. and the other part just wants to let it go.
Just know.. The situation isn't fair.. but I will always stand behind you.. ready to catch you if you fall.
I'd do anything to make you feel better right now.
>>::_MT_::<<
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| Hate me today.
But love me tomorrow.
I do what feels right for now. because right now.. honestly, I can't seem to even get past the present.
I feel better after having talked to you.
I know it's odd to say that I didn't know I could.. a part of me told me that I shouldn't.
But .. a small part of me told me it was ok
-- and.. it was.
Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for silently letting me know that you would always be there.
I know it's something I need to deal with on my own.
But just knowing that there was faith behind me -- it makes it a little more bearable.
I want to be the invincible soldier... --
But at the right angle.. I'm scared people will see my plastic sword and shield..
>>::_MT_::<<
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| The room sits still.
the Lamp gives off the sweetest of glows.
The smoke twirls about in this discrete seductive dance.
wrapped about in a sea of blankets..
As the melodies play out
All I can do is try to calm my mind
But thoughts just swirl about.
It seems the world is shrinking.. slipping through my grasp--
Things that seemed so sure, so certain I was! -- are fading off.
So ready am I to go forward.. to just trust
And yet.. I don't know if I can really let go of the hand that's helped me along.
But a Real Lady-- Does as she wants. No questions asked. She is polite, yet all together forceful.
As I entertain my thoughts I wonder why you faded away. Was it me.. or you? Or maybe neither-- we'll just always claim it was situational.. makes it easier to accept. Farewell good friend.. until we meet again in that awkward moment at a bookstore or mall or restaurant where we'll play the polite fanfare.. throw about the hugs and kisses and exclamations. And as I walk away from it.. deep down I'll know it hurt. I'll think back to the glory days-- how we thought we would be there for each other forever, how the world was wrong about what we had.. But all too soon reality set in. And as the world slowly closes in again, engulfing us into separate realms...
I'll know that we'll always have those glory days to connect us -- but in the end that is all it was.
I blame different issues on different things I did in the past.
But when I thought about given the chance to do it over
I realized--
I wouldn't change a thing.
I am who I am because of it...
And I have never loved and accepted myself more than now.
It's hard to turn feelings of defeat into a force for triumph. But I'm trying my best.
You keep telling yourself that there's still so much time.. there's so much that could happen, that you could do, that could change..
But you can never get that little voice out of your head that tells you your time is drawing to an end...your chance.. your moment.. your change.. time will never be your friend no matter how much you try to cherish it. That which needs to be done, decided, acted upon.. -- must be done now before time is out..
And talking to you the other day -- it made me realize that things were closing in much faster than I had previously anticipated. I mean I knew it was inevitable.. I knew against all odds it would happen
I guess I just didn't want to believe it anymore.. I was the one trying to hide from the grasp of time.
Live. Love. Laugh.
>>::_MT_::<<
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| I'd say..
It'd be sweet deal if you wanted me forever..
mmhmm.
Things are starting to pick up --
And this time I really feel like I'm ready 
I just wish she wasn't sad all the time.
It would be so great if things just worked out the way they should..
But I guess this is someone else's version of how it should...
I feel vibrant...
There is the definite flow of peace .. and it's quiet luxurious.
Have a good one my sweet.
Live. Love. Laugh.
>>::_MT_::<<
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