I'm afraid I'm starting to feel, what I said I would not do, the last time really hurt me. i'm scared to fall in love... Afraid to love so fast 'cause everytime I fall in love it seems to never last.... *sighz

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"Don't trust anyone... Not even ME" -D.L.
Someone told me that one night when he finally had the guts to talk about what happened between us. He taught me a lesson... A lesson that I would never forget A lesson that is so hard for me to do... BUT he did make me realize something and I thank him for that. I'm glad that he's still part of my life... I'm glad we're still friends. Anywayz,....

Sometimes I think I trust people too easily... Sometimes I think I know them well enough to trust them... i've been through so much and met so many liars and plastics that sometimes I don't kno who to trust anymore. I don't even know if I should trust the people that are part of my life right now. I'm scared that what happened in the past will happen again. I don't wanna be fooled again... I don't wanna be treated like an old, dirty rag again. I don't wanna act like I don't kno anything. Many people have realized already that they can't hide things from me... I find out. If you play the game and you cheat and get caught... I don't lose.. YOU do. Your loss and not mine.

Hopefully I've found the right one. Hopefully I'm not beeing fooled right now... and that what he tells me all the time is for reals... not just a bunch of lies and bullshitz like what the others have said to me. I know for sure that what I say and tell him is true.... AND i know for sure I have nothing to hide. All I wanna know is... "Am I good enough for you? Do I really make you happy? Am I really the one you wanna be with?"

kzzz.... havn't been on here for a while but yeah... so much shit has happened. UGH!!

anywh00oz, him and I finally had a talk about what happened between us three or four months ago. It hurt but it made me feel a bit better. It made me realize that making that decision and those other shit had hurt him too. It wasn't only me. I'm sorry that I thought it was only me who got hurt. I'm sorry that I thought you only used me and I'm really sorry for hurting you too.  If ONLY I had met YOU before I had met him but I wouldn't have met you if I was never with HIM.  ugh this is getting me confused.  I'm still hurting and I'm still trying to forgive... myself and him   I don't know anymore.  I KNOW I should just forget about it but as much as I try it gets harder to.  He moved on... maybe I should to....

That song is for you... I WILL remember YOU

ermm yeah enuff bout that.  Ate and Manong are still together.  It's ALMOST their ten months now.... They've had many problems and soooo many obstacles in their relationship but their still together.  It don't matter what those other people said... what they tried to do I still think they would last for a long time.  I don't know if it's forever but I just know it will be for a long time   It doesn't matter what our parents were trying to do to their relationship... they're still not giving up on it.  I'm not suppose to follow Ate's footsteps and I'm not.  I'm neither following or leading.  I'm right beside her.  It ain't her fault she fell in love right?  It ain't her fault he fell in love either.  I just don't get it with our parents.   They said it was ok but frick.  You know what? I'm not gon say n e thing more.  Just that... How can they lose their trust on us when they didn't even seem to trust us from the very beginning.  It WAS our choice to do all this.  No one forced us.  No one influenced us.  It was our own choice.  They didn't know all of this.  They don't know NOTHING about me and Ate at all because they don't talk to us about these kind of things.  We can't go to them because we know they wouldn't understand and when we do they get mad.  They don't understand us AT ALL.  I don't know how my brother can handle all of this.  Maybe it's because he's still a bit young or he's their baby.  He's the only one my dad gets along with.  NOW we're prisoners in our own home.  frick this!