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| the walk of love is walked one time.
but takes a while to end.
a winding way with several steps to follow.
rocks dust and tickling grass
scatter with each dance you do.
leaving a perishable scar.
nature walks, plastered lips, and flowers hanging from trees.
the pattern of sound is calm enough to heal the scrapes on your knees.
sun rise and dragon flies create the path to follow.
but the shades are drawn.
the vision is cloudy.
and left you with the helping hand to guide you on your way.
that extra hand.
glow of past present and future.
the trail lit only enough for the trained eye to see.
that knot of the blindfold slowly unties as you leave your faith behind.
trial and error is more forgiving when only you are involved.
you feel the bats with butterfly wings stir and flutter inside.
the cave is alive.
this feelings been felt before. (or has it.)
and this feeling will be felt again. (or will it.)
oh how it should be the last.
giving up is easy.
your legs are tired.
and your heart weak.
alone youd sit.
dormant creatures inside and out.
you and your journey. | | |
| make work come sooner.
i need some distraction
thoughts are like poison.
well, lately they have been.
other times theyre my best friend.
actually.
i never really appreciate them that much.
poison works.
theres no antidote.
theyre consuming.
you cant avoid it.
no matter how much you change it so they go your way, the original thought is always there.
the actuality.
the truth.
the mind is a complex matter.
poisoning it would be salvation.
bryce wants me to be in the band.
which is good.
bryce wants me to write poems.
bad...
everything i say is negative.
| | |
| curses.
lots and lots of vulgarity.
angry words.
and tears.
i need guts.
i need courage.
something.
not regret.
or rejection.
but to be noticed.
appreciated fully.
big gestures.
feeling.
SOMETHING REAL.
an understanding.
an agreement.
just... give me what i want.
and make me feel better.
even if its a lie...
at this point.
i want that to be true.
i dont want to be bitter.
i want to be happy.
made happy.
choose to be happy.
i want to be heard.
or heard again.
im being stubborn.
and its probably going to be annoying.
so i feel i should just give up instead.
then i think...
what a waste.
should it be wasted?
it's good.
maybe it was a lie.
maybe im used.
well, ive been used.
maybe im re-used.
what a mean thought.
to think someone used you.
to think someone who you think of so fondly...
sincerely.
to be one to use you.
mean thoughts of a sad girl.
i hope they arent true.
though im upset that it even crossed my mind.
Pissed off.
depressed.
alone.
fond of.
i want to take a walk. | | |
| Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you
Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again
Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Life's too short and I feel small
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
sugarcult.
i was writing in a magazine today.
about love and hate. hate, dislike, what have you.
why its easier to hate.
well to hate is easier because when you hate, you dominate.
you dont really dominate. but you take something away.
something away from the person youre hating.
you take away their choice. their freedom to have a loving friendship with you.
destroying people must be easier. only one person gets hurt.
you make it hard. you make it easier for you. because you hide.
and youre safe under your blanket. your blanket of pain and hurt and past.
its a heavy blanket isnt it?
and when you love. or consider love.
you asociate it with fear.
you make it a bad thing. you make it hate.
you think, well to love means opening myself up, it means giving a part of me away.
and what are they going to do with that part of me?
what will i do without it if something were to happen?
i cant live without it.
youre selfish.
the person who youre giving that piece to doesnt even want to take it.
just to see that youre willing to give it to them.
a sacrafice.
a trusting sacrafice.
thats what love it after all.
sacrafice.
you can blame the world for why youre scared to love. and choose to hide under your blanket
you coward.
but you cant use it as an excuse.
because youve been told other options are out there.
youve been given chances.
you play hard to get.
and youve been told that love doesnt expect anything in return.
love just is.
its selfless.
they wont hold it.
or throw it against a wall.
or smash it.
because it isnt something to hold.
or throw.
or smash.
its just seen.
its you.
its being.
its crap.
this makes no sense.
i make no sense.
but the point is...
there is no point.
this is here for my own understanding.
and to touch anyones heart.
as if.
revelations.
the kind you want to share.
the kind you feel can change the world for the better.
nobody wants better.
sometimes better for yourself means worse for everyone else.
we're post modern.
if we dont like it.
its garbage. | | |
| why are things so hard.
what a crappy day.
crappy really long day,
this day has lasted for months now.
its really important that i sleep more.
but instead ive been up late thinking.
about garbage,
stuff i cant handle thinking about.
im my own worst enemy apparently.
along with others.
it just gets worse and worse.
im too smart to think, this is it, hell.
and too smart to loose my faith.
so being strong makes it harder.
when youd think itd actually help.
.........
oh boy! but when i get through it and im older IT WILL SHOW GROWTH!
great.
more growth.
because im not already 30 years old.
lets add another 10 years.
i have upside down butterflies in my stomach
theyre falling apart and the dead wings are making me sick.
i wish i were ignorant.
and pampered.
i mean.
is it really so bad?
darn, shelter. warmth, love,
man, hard life.
i know im not being punished..
but what do i have to do to be rewarded?
survive?
ooooh tempting.
i know how my mother feels.
and its the coldest feeling in the world.
and it will get worse with age.
something to look forward to.
and today wasnt even that bad. | | |
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