Downswing

Despair. Alienation. Solitude. The usual. My friends are taking me out for a birthday lunch tomorrow-- perhaps that will improve matters.

I'm about to tell a girl how I feel about her. As usual it will be a cute and laughable affair, regardless of the outcome. I was telling my friend Hillary that I'm good at preparation. Writing speeches in my head, or writing letters. But when I have to explain my feelings about and reactions to new situations on the fly, I'm totally screwed. I'm very nervous, and almost certain it won't go well. But I'm tired of screwing around like this, like it's Eighth Grade. There's not this kind of time to waste anymore, not as fast as it's passing.

Also, it's the middle of April, and I've made little to no progress. I got another construct made, but I'm suddenly incapable of performing yeast transformations, so I can't really do anything with it. I have two binders full of no progress. I'm really starting to hate myself again.

Antidepressed

I finally got to see a neurologist after waiting three months-- student insurance, I've been told, sucks, and this might be my first indication. Anyway, I'm finally taking a shot at prophylactics for my migraines. This is a group of drugs that modulate neurochemistry in one way or another-- they seem to range from anti-depressants to anti-psychotics to anti-seizure meds. I've started on Amitr(y)iptiline, and have been there for about a week. This happens to be the active ingredient in Elavil, but trick to this is that instead of taking, say, 150mg a day, I'm taking 20mg. It seems to have enough of a whatzit-inhibiting effect at that level. So far, it seems that the frequency of my headaches has decreased, and perhaps the intensity. Yesterday, for instance, I was getting a really enormous headache as I was leaving for work. It seemed like the type that would consume the entire day. It took a lot out of me, but in the long run, it only made me an hour late for work. I didn't get a tremendous lot done yesterday and left somewhat early because I still felt reasonably crummy, but this was a welcome improvement over taking hot showers and long naps in a dark room all day.

The funny thing is, I'm taking this medication at a level far lower than it's prescribed at for depression, and those effects aren't supposed to kick in until after a few weeks anyway, but I have to say that my mood over the past week has been better than normal. Is it because of the direct effects of the medication, or just because I haven't had as many headaches? :)

Oh, my sleeping patterns have been shot to hell because I can't take this stuff *and* benadryl, so I sleep for three to four hours or less and then wake up for an hour or two before getting back to sleep again, which is irritating, but I'm going to email my neurologist about it.

Work? As always, not getting enough done, but the yeast, they do not listen!

Had a major drama unfold with an old friend of mine, but the situation has been sorted on the supporting-friend side, which is a relief to the people who were involved. She has to sort her own end now.

Went to a labmate's wedding last weekend. Beautiful service, great reception. Tomorrow I'm going to see Billy Joel and Elton John in concert, which should be a lot of fun. I'm attending with a friend (B#2.) The whole bachelorette situation is, I suppose, on its final boring and relatively uneventful chapter. I genuinely like this young woman, but based on what little feedback I've gotten and some intel from a friend, there probably isn't a chance in hell. I'm having fun pining, though. :D

(If that strikes you as odd, read the second paragraph again.)