... or is there a lot of porn on here? LOL i'm at work on my lunch, and I'm on xanga on my cell phone. A lot of the text just shows up as little boxes, but the porn is all clear as day. LOL not that i click on it. Eww. But i can see the newest posts and They're mostly porn. Anyway... I really need to start working out. Summer is coming up and I'd really like to lie on the beach without greenpeace trying to rescue me by rolling me into the water. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I'm not a whale. Maybe a manatee. I've been watching what I eat but it's not enough. I don't really need to lose weight, i don't think. Just firm up a little. But my apartment's too small to work out there, i don't have time to in to a gym, and it's too cold outside to go jogging or anything. I wish i could afford lipo.

This might be a 2-pager... My insane ramblings today will take the form of an essay on one of my pet peeves (there are scads), entitled "The Lies They Tell You When You're A Kid". Everyone tells kids that it doesn't matter what other people think of you, it only matters what you think of yourself. This is such a load of bull. There's a word for "what others think of you"- It's called your reputation, and it's what eventually gets you friends, a job, and ultimately power. You don't inhabit the earth all by yourself. Like it or not, you're part of society and to achieve even a marginal level of success, you have to conform to some degree. Or you can move out into the wilderness like some sort of sasquatch and live off the land. Those are the options. Get used to it. Now, i'm not saying i'm happy about the whole "conformity is essential to success" thing. In fact, it pains me. But what can you do, really? Okay, that's it. I'm done bitching.

Is it just me or do mondays suck? Aside from Jay Leno's headlines, There's not much i look forward too. Don't get me wrong, i don't HATE my job... But It's certainly not my calling. I'm just a cog in the machine here and they never let of forget it. So, anyway... I went to a bridal show with Rachel on saturday. It was awesome. They had this huge brunch buffet and we got to ride in a stretch Hummer. $15 well spent. Plus i got lots of ideas for my wedding. I've also realized i have to make my own invitations. All the premade ones i like are too expensive. $800 for invitations that people are going to throw away, That's just not in the budget. We're going to another show this weekend and i'm going to try to drag my fiance with. He gates that stuff but its in chicago so maybe we can do something after it. Okay, back to the old grind.

So, in addition to my wedding planning business, i also plan to get displays in a few little boutiques in New Buffalo to sell a very creative item I make, but will not describe here for fear that you bastards will steal my idea. So lets just say its a really fun unique product. I've been making them for about a year and have sold a few but finding a proper venue for selling them has proven challenging. Its not really a "craft show" item. I need to find places frequented by my target demographic, which is women 20-80 with a sense of humor, i guess. LOL And it has to be displayed in the right context. Some stuffy dress shop won't do. It needs to be in a place with a laid-back, whimsical atmosphere, like a little gallery boutique. And near water would be great since the product is water related. Luckily, there are tons of these in NB. The trick is getting someone to let of sell them in their shop. Okay, i'm done talking about my big plans. Tomorrow i'll post something interesting. I swear

So. We've established that the theme of this years' resolution is self-awareness and self-discipline. There's actually one more aspect- self-motivation. See, I've always been an "idea person", preferring to think rather than act. This year that ends. I'm a "doer" now. I have 2 goals in this area. One is a big long term one and the other is a small immediate one. The big one is starting my own wedding planning business. I'm absolutely obsessed with weddings. I've worked at 3 bridal shops in my life and he retail say weren't so lousy, That's what i'd still be doing. And from going to weddings, working in the bridal industry, and planning my mom's, sister's, and my own wedding, I've learned how stressful it can be. And how expensive. The average wedding in the US costs $20,000. And that's not even for an extravagant one. That's AVERAGE. My idea is to cater to brides who are on a budget. There is a niche to be filled. More in my next entry.