I cant explain how i feel, and maybe everyone just feels the same way. I really miss home right now. I guess i got used to going home every weekend, and just chylling by myself and my family. And now that i havent been home in a few weeks, it seems like forever. I miss my parents, my brother. Just home generally. I wont lie, i get lonely easily so i like the company of my friends, but i guess everyone needs some of that alone time.

I mellowed out so much since last year, and not only that ive become pretty straight forward about almost everything. Ive almost become fearless of saying what i think. Which is pretty scary to me, but its a step forward. ive changed so much since last year and quite honestly.. i shock myself. But whatever. Its ok, its just the way things are and just the way things need to continue. I need summer to come right now. Where i dont worry about anything cept work, and playing on the weekends. haha Over summer, my biggest concern is finding ID for the weekend i go out lol. Thats a pretty easy life. I concentrate on work all day, then just sleep everything off at night. Works for me.

Right now at school, i have to worry about school work, worry about time management to study for exams, worry about so much more. I dont know whats going on with me. I have moments in and out on feeling extremely emo. I guess im starting to get in that phase where i just need to be alone. hahaha when it was first said to me i was actually kinda shocked cause its like.. o__o.... am i dead? lol. its almost like you just dont want to be around anyone anymore. But i think i am starting to get in that phase too. Just need a break. Go home, and just be home. I dont have to worry about anything, anyone.

I gotta start setting life straight. One more semester and im out. I get to be at home for a bit, settle myself with somewhere to live, set a job straight, and then work from there. I just want to make my parents proud and make sure they dont worry about me. I just want to be able to take care of my parents in the future and make sure i can provide for them the way they have provided for me. I just want my mom and dad to the a healthy and happy life. I want mike to be happy.

haha If im even getting sick of me, who is to say others arent getting sick of me? I cant wait till next week to go home... and the 3 day weekend. Either i go to Penn state to visit my bro or go home to sleep in my own bed.... school has just been depressing this year and its like.. everyone around me seems to be caught up in their own emotions. Im ready to move on.

Yes, the small things get to me and then i end up getting high blood pressure, but thats why i dont tell everyone everything, cause i dont want to make a big deal out of nothing. Thats what everyone always tells me. Why you gotta make a big deal of the smallest things? Well guess what? So if i dont tell you anything, you will know why! Thats what people have been telling me all my life. And now... haha oh well... ive learned to drop everything. or at least push everything aside.

haha One of my emo moments.. its a phase.. it will pass... I just cant help but be caught up in everyone else feeling emo... it seems to spread.. im normally a happy person till i see others emo... >.> damnit... it speads like a wild forest fire! I gotta find a way to put that burning shit out!

oh well.. another weekend at umass... and gotta drive up to boston thursday night for club night.... no one wants to go... i cant sell my damn tickets... im sick and tired of begging and pleading people to go.  blah.

Outz,

Stephy~