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StepOnMe1515
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Name: Stephanie
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Birthday: 9/15/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: I like music...lots of different kinds...and movies...lots of different kinds...and animals....lots of different kinds
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  StepOnMe1515
Member Since:
10/21/2004
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| I forgot I had this thing. Then I'm talking to a friend which brings up a story that I once told on this Xanga and I decided to go hunting for it. Revisiting myself after months...years really...is a frightening thing. The first couple of entries I did made me sound like a giddy 8th grader. Not exactly sure what was up with that considering I was at least a Sophomore in college. Entries that followed were a mixture of boring nothingness which I apparently thought was worthy of describing on the internet. I made it my goal when starting this xanga, that I would only put crap on it that didn't matter on any deeper or emotional level and in that I successfully bored myself. Then last year, Whitney died in the car accident and suddenly my Xanga took on an entirely different feel. The entries were deep and cynical--laced with every emotion possible. My "goal" was shot to hell and I didn't care enough to stifle my thoughts. I read the entries that followed that moment, and each one was as if it were a different step in the mourning process. Because after the sad and angered entries came lighthearted and mystical ones about springtime and seasons changing. Most of the getting over stuff happened in my own privacy, and details of those accounts are in stories that I wrote, and I doubt anyone will ever see those. Therefore, the Xanga didn't hold too much substance. Then a lot of getting over it came when I had no other choice but to. I worked, took classes and endured the family. Then, one day, I looked up from all of that and realized that her picture hanging on my wall didn't make me cry anymore. I realized her memory didn't pop into my thought process as much as it did in the past. I think what scares me about all of this is the fact that I had only known Whitney for a short period of time. In that time we had gotten very close, and then drifted far from each other. I'm not saying my grieving was as intense as the person's next to me. In fact, I handled it pretty well, and that is because I didn't feel like I had the right to be any sadder than I was due to the fact that, essentially, Whitney and I had lost social touch. Sure, we saw each other on campus and occasionally ate lunches together, but I was not as close to her as I am with other friends. So, back to what worries me is those other friends--and the thought of any one of them passing away. I can't imagine what this Xanga would be like then. | | |
| FINALLY!It took some time...but Facebook finally decided to take advantage of people who use online journal thingys. I was considering deleting mine, cause nobody ever knows how to find it. Not that its all that great. Its random stories that usually make people laugh at me, but thats ok. Anyways, now it looks like I wont have to. So...enjoy! | | |
| So I was thinking...I have a Myspace. I have a few friends on Myspace, and a few more who I know have them, but I have yet to find. Here is what I am thinking:
I've enjoyed this Xanga thing. It rocked for a while. But the Myspace has a blog on it that I think would be utilized more. Honestly, if Facebook had a blog/xanga option, I would be all over it. It doesn't...at least not yet. However, my little sister (who is unable to have Facebook yet) uses Myspace. I think she would like to read my blog just like other people. However, the only link I have to my Xanga is on my Facebook (which she cannot see). I don't know. I'm not about to do it right away so maybe you guys should let me know.
P.S. If you have a Myspace, you should find me. I'm pretty sure my little name thingy is "StepOnMe1515" | | |
| these don't apply to me...okay...so there is this song. its by Blue October. its just a band, singing and playing a song. but for some odd reason, its been stuck in my head for a long time. the way the lead singer belts out the words i'm about to show you...granted there are more, but these are the ones that really stick to my brain...anyways its sounds like he is absolutely pouring every once of his being into the sound. i wish i could be that passionate about something...anyways here are some of the words:
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
i want to find a guy who cares that much...drop me a line if you're it hahaha
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| Long time no...nothingIt has been a long time since I've even thought about updating. Apparently I go through random spurts of commitment. Eventually that flusters off into pure unobscured "I don't give a crap"-ness. Yes, I am coining that term/word and/or bundle of consonants and vowels. I suppose you want me to get to the "nitty gritty." I will do my best.
I last updated right around exam time I believe. Wow, its hard to say what I was doing, and since I'm not looking directly at the date of my last entry, I'm not really sure where I was, what I was doing and who I was doing it with. However, since then, I have completed exams, getting reasonable A's and a B. Also, I moved back to good old Maineville to suffer through the summer with my family. Maybe the word "suffer" is too powerful a word. Hey, if the shoe fits, wear it! Currently, you can find me employed as a cashier at Meijer. Please, refrain from poking fun because between you and me, I am glad I don't sleep with a gun under my pillow because I would shoot myself every time I had to wake up to go into work. I mean, okay fine its the "daily grind" and everyone who isn't famous, invented something or born with a silver spoon shoved up their you know whats (and yes, I know thats not where you are supposed to put a spoon, but for the sake of my point, bear with me)...okay I guess what I'm trying to say is, I need to get used to it and stop complaining. Well, I'm used to it. This is coming from a girl who has had jobs on and off since she was only 13 years old. Before that I was babysitting. So again, I'm used to it, and I'm not happy about it. Enough about work related issues. Onto the goodness!
July: my little month of innocent fun and remembering the good old days. Since I can remember, the Butterworth Farm in Loveland, Ohio has been my home. Part of the Underground Railroad, owned by Quakers and passed down generations, managed by good people raising their families-this place is my Heaven on Earth. Basically, July is my time to spend at the farm. The 4th of July party, which has been known in these parts to have lasted two entire weeks what with out of town and locals coming and going, trying to finish a couple of keggers off before they spoil. Fireworks that land people in jail for a few hours, a pool that haunts those not used to swimming with frogs and lightning bugs flickering, performing their own fireworks show in the giant fields that land below the small hills leading to the Little Miami River. Wow, you know what? I think I might head down there now for a fantastic evening of night swimming with some friends. Its been real. Until next time... | | |
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