Earlier this year, we all stood by and watched the pitched battle over Social Security reform take place in congress.  Socialistic Democrats were for sticking with the old system—believing that everyone is entitled to a dollop of money upon reaching a certain gilded age.  Sounds good?  WRONG!  There is scarcely enough money in the coffers to sustain this social utopia.  Far worse, the Republicans were trying to push these seemingly innocuous things called “Personal Retirement Accounts” on us Gen X and Y’ers.  The promise of a system that won’t deliver is bad enough, but the very idea of personal retirement accounts threatens to end our American way of life as we know it.  Why?  Because they purport that we Gen X and Y’ers, as individuals, are responsible for our own financial well-being.

             How can this be?  It’s our turn now to take center stage, and we should be able to reap the fruits of hyper consumerism just as much as the Baby Boomers before us.  There’s more stuff to be had, more places to go, and more bling to fill our pockets with than ever before.  Life experiences can be had with the swipe of a credit card, and credit cards can be had with no life experience.  We have the ways and the means to get everything, and more!  But it may never come to pass in a world of personal retirement accounts.  While we are driving to work every day in our 3+ year old cars and slaving away behind computers trying to save money, our parents will be on the dole, kicking back with their monthly payments of OUR rightful money.  Imagine never owning a house with granite countertops or a personal jet-tub.  Scary, isn’t it?  So what do you do about it?  It’s easy—just kill your parents.

            I know.  I know.  It sounds terrible.  Your parents loved you, raised you to be an upstanding person, and maybe even sent you to college.  (And if your parents did none these things, then you have no excuse for not killing them.)  But did you ever think that maybe they did all this just so you’d make more money to kick back into their pockets later on?  Aha, you didn’t, did you?   Yes, they may well have spent 18 years raising you, but many of them will live off your money much longer than that.  What we are is the sucker in a big scam.  Liquidating the Baby Boomer generation will, not only ensure social security coffers stay filled to the brim, but also let us enjoy the life we deserve without fear of financial insolvency.  Yes, we the hunted can become the hunters living off future generation’s money.  As long as we play it smooth [and destroy this document], we can be long in our graves laughing by the time our children realize they’ve been had.  So the problem is acute, and the solution is clear.  The holidays are coming up, and that means there’s no scarcity of targets.  You might want to even think about taking out a few grandparents as this can only help matters.  If you feel a tinge of regret, just remember—there’s no sorrow so deep that a little splurge can’t cure it.