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i don't even like myself :(
i was looking at past entries of when i was a preteen
completely miss that . i had no self consciousness that took over . no paranoia of food intake . no sadness or depression..
just a naive and happy girl. i guess i still am naive in certain ways...
but the "happy" is ironic as for now.
if anything i HATE myself right now. everything i put myself through..i hate. i hate the way i think. i hate the way i look. i hate that i don't care. i hate that i've given up on myself...and God.
if i sound emo, sorry. just i have no way to vent right now. i wish i can run away from my liiifeee. but nooooo i caaant. cuz that'll only make things WORSeee. i should start trying right?
fuck my life. everything is so damn difficult. EVERYTHING.
ugh and so many people are frustrating the shit out of me...even though it's unintentional.
how can people be so stupid?
RAWR
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| nostalgiadefines my life.
i miss summer friends. after this year, i'm sure i'll miss my school friends.
life's like that though.. nothing lasts forever.
must move on .
btw, i'm finally legal! as of last night :)
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| life is a processCamp officially ended today i'm happy to be back in seoul with my mom and aunt but dang, i really miss my friends there. i didn't say gbye to so many people... :T fuck my life. i'll probably never see a lot of them ever again. oh i'm getting a beer belly... i drank so much at camp cause there's NOTHING to do besides going to concerts and eating...the students are amazing players but the camp itself is mad disorganized. the RC's don't do shit, interns always fuck up, the meal plan (and camp) is WAAY to overpriced (20 bucks per meal...and usually its almost the same shit everyday), and there's no activities plan where the students could get to know each other and mature. anyways ive gained so much weight. hahaha... whatever man. saturday night was the most SPONTANEOUS night ever... i'm not going to that shit again though. haha.. i hate how after every place i go to, i become mad nostalgic. i guess i get too comfortable. i know the feeling will eventually go away but for the time being, it's such a sad feeling. but that's life...you meet people, be merry, and say goodbye. i'm not loking foward to this year at all...why the hell is school starting so damn early?!?! | | |
| gmmfscan't sleep right now..its 2:22 am.. and i'm at camp ...oh camp. i dont dant to leave, i became so close to the people i became friends with. also, the talent here is so amazing. everyone is so fucking good that i haven't even performed because i'm too INTIMIDATED (haha esther :P) by the others. i've been working hard but i'm getting worn out by practicing that it's hard for me to concentrate now. aigoo..there are concerts/master classes about everyday and the faculty is awesome. I love how people are so determined and devoted to their instruments. i can't wait till i go back to seoul though. :D hehe ..but ill be bored once again.. ah wellss i miss home in the states, my home, the two men in my family, and my baby :T i'm going to be 1st of september. so until then, everyone have a nice and safe summer (; | | |
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