Holy crap! I just realized how much I hate internet websites.

Everyone acts like their xanga or myspace or blog or whatever the heck they put random crap on is the most important thing since... since... um... oxygen! Well too bad, 'cuz it's not. Man, I hate online journaling so much it's not even funny anymore. People piss me off so much, making like, internet cults and other pointless stuff like that and then find ways to kiss each other's butts by visiting sites and leaving posts and BAH.

It is for this reason that I will probably never write here again. I know it's been a while since I wrote last, but I've just had no time. Now I'm deciding not to because I want to get away from the conformity of it all.

Pssh who am I kidding, I'm just too lazy to post. Seriously though, I don't like blogs. They piss me off, especially the ones done by kids acting all dramatic or... (shudder)... emo.

Whatever. That's why I never write anything significant here. By putting your "innermost feelings that you keep all to yourself for no one to see and even if they did they could never understand" on a website that you expect all of your "closest friends" to read,  you're acting like a real hypocrite. And a douchebag. Sorry for being so brutally honest, I guess I'm just good at that.

Anyway, all ten of you who read this, it probably isn't directed towards you because you're just as asinine as I am, otherwise you'd be offended by everything I say. Writing random crap is fun!

Shalom, and mazeltov all ya'll. Don't expect much from me until... well... whenever I feel like writing again. Which could be anywhere between the next eighteen hours to fourty six days.

 I shot the sherrif! w00t.

To all emotional teenage princes and princesses out there: please spare me the trivialties and put a cork in the drama spicket otherwise known as your mouth.

Gossip bothers me. What bothers me more is kids who talk about other kids who gossip. WTF? Can you say, contradiction? Don't get me wrong; again, I can't claim to be without fault here, because just like any other teenage guy or girl out there I've needed to vent myself. This doesn't give me merit to go around talking crap about almost anyone I know, much less the people I'd call "my closest friends."

People are so full of self-righteous BS that it makes me wanna take a soldering iron to my kidneys and replace them with bottles of magma (because we all know that molten volcanic rock is warm AND delicious). Maybe this is jsut another tangent of my previous gripe with the 'who's-who' club, but I must confess that... that... uh... I can't even think of a valid point. But I hate teenagers. All teenagers should die and BURN!

...wait a minute...

Anyway, that's about all I got. And just to let you all know, lava is a tasty, after-school snack that you can enjoy, as long as your stomach lining is plated with diamonds. And make sure you like spicy foods, too!

Oh my God, Becky. Look at her butt!
~Sir Mix-A-Lot's hoes.

So tell me: how cool do I need to be to become a part of the neo-cult we all know to be the elitist society of our era?

I think on a scale from one to great, I must have to be freaking awesome. Oh man, I love how cliquey our generation has become, and I love even more-so the superficial manner in which society conducts itself. It's almost enough joy to make me laugh, then I chuckle instead, because chuckling is fun.

Now that I think about it, I could officially consider myself a 'wannabee' to the 'teenage royalty.' Yes sir, sign me up for the next drinking binge at Jeff's house, whom I've only encountered twice before, once when he was in the ER getting a stomach pump that night when I was designated driver, and that other time when he spit venom in my eyes for trying to talk in his presence! My favorite thing about elitist society is the exclusive nature of 'the club.' You have your hangouts, parties, homeroom hangout spot, and EVEN, get this, moments when they STOP kissing each others' butts and... kiss someone else's butt! I love it!

The main thing, though, isn't so much the behaviors of those native to the genus popularus, but rather, the fakeness which accompanies it. Heck, I've been just like these people sometimes, so I'm probably the biggest hypocrite out there, but I really just can't stand much more of this superficial bullcrap that we ingest through a funnel every day, curtosey of our friendly neighborhood standards and expectations as presented by the people who like you, or more importantly, those who don't. It's almost funny how girls will act so sweet when in 'the big group' to one another, but all along everyone there knows they all hate each other, yet no one says anything about it because, hey, no one wants to be the bad guy. Oh yeah, and they're all being phony by acting 'cool' too.

BAH! I hate that stereotype. "Cool." Wow. That word used to be fun to use. Now all it makes me think of is A-hole guys who like to think they're better than everyone else and exalt themselves to the point where belittling others comes natrually. Arrogance seems to exude from their pores like it's their calling in life; I'm not gonna' lie- this pisses me off more than anything else. I guess it's partially because I had to deal with it firsthand almost everyday in the lacrosse environment, but I guess a little bit more because it disgusts me how I've been like that myself. Man, I hate those kinds of douchebags. "Whoa man, you're TOO COOL." "No way brah! YOU'RE too cool!" "Dude! We're SO COOL!" "Yeah man! ... Hey, wanna' get smashed, high, and have sex with as many sluts as we can?" "Hell yes brother!"

Oh lordy... I love teenage society.

Oh and another thing- quit complaining about seniors leaving. Yes, I'll miss the seniors too- my brother IS a senior, as a matter of fact. But you know, if someone is REALLY your friend and they REALLY mean something to you, the fact that they don't go to high school anymore won't change the fact that they're important to you or vice versa. You're just being superficial and, once again my friends, exhibiting patters of elitist behaviors and being a douche.

Man, I'm a real jerk. That last paragraph, sorry for those of you who're offended. But really, please stop complaining. Moving on is a part of life. Seriously, kids nowadays are like, "Whoa! Seniors... graduating?!? No way! This is mind boggling! I'm so depressed! Kids who have passed the twelfth grade are LEAVING... HIGH SCHOOL?" Wow Einstein. Great job figuring out that one.

Bah humbug. I like being mean sometimes. No, not really mean, I just like venting. And playing whiffle ball with fuzzy woodland creatures. Steal home Bambi!

And you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
The Begees need no citation.

Being the incredibly cool kid that I am, I decided to grace society with my presence in a very special way the other night. Alone (my dad and brothers happened to be there), I singlehandedly (with the help of my father's driver's license) entered a land of class, a sanctum for the aristocracy- the very DEN OF POPULARITY ITSELF- Regal Cinemas and the showing of Star Wars: Episode III. Yep. I'm THAT cool.

So because everyone in the world needs little more than to read my writings and feel fulfilled in life, I will warn you that the following is an icredibly accurate, 100000% true account of the movie and what happens. Please don't be mad, and if you don't like spoilers, skip ahead.

...you'd better be skipping by now, because I'm not kidding you, I WILL ruin the movie and feel no regret.

...Seriously. Don't start crying just because your spirit is to fragile to have the one bit of solace found in scientific fantasy stories for your sad, pathetic life broken by me. I do like to break things.

Okay: It starts off where there's this giant wookie. His name is Chuck. Now Chuck is the unknown father of Anakin Skywalker, and he's pissed that his son is a famous Jedi and he, being a wookie, happens to be a hairy ape-like creature that smells kind of like old hobos. The Story goes on and Anakin goes to the acquatic planet of ... um... acquatic planet... and then proceeds to shred on some sick waves, pull some sick 540 reverse tickwickies, and be generally hard, when suddenly a giant cactus falls from the sky and lands in his ice cream. This makes him pissed. Like, super pissed. So then he flips out and gets really, really pissed.

Anakin goes back to the Jedi temple and smacks Yoda in the face out of spite, then uses the force to make Obi-Wan's head explode (if you're asking why Obi-Wan is still alive in Episode IV, I'll tell you- he grows another one). Being the hardcore gangster that he is, Anakin then decides he needs a hard new nickname, so he calls himself "Darth Hard." Then when he finds his dad Chuck, Anakin kills him. Anakin is racist and hates wookies, and unfortunatel,y his dad was a wookie. That also makes Anakin part wookie. This pisses him off even more, so then he flips out and takes a crap on his dad's corpse's face. That's enough of Chuck.

Then Anakin finds the emperor, and the emperor tells Anakin to change his name to Darth Vader. Because Anakin somehow had a mind control device placed in his tuna-fish sandwhich earlier that day, he complies under one condition- he needed a super sick black helmet. So that's how Darth Vader came about.

Oh, and no one cares about EX-Queen Amidala. She's a wench (kind of like Michelle Kenner). Luke and Leia were born in a test tube, and Darth Vader bought them on ebay. Then he threw them out his car window one day when  Ashlee Simpson's new hit started playing on the radio- it pissed him off that much.

So I hope you're not all too mad at me for ruining the movie for you, and if you are, that's too bad, because I'm too cool to care about what anyone thinks, other than myself, in which case I agree completely, because I'm always right.

...I really need to take my meds.

And to go off on another tangent- there are few things in this world I hate more than painting, and one of them happens to be people who MUST talk about a movie THE SECOND the credits come up. It's like "OOO I'm Darth Vader!" <CREDITS> (Some random nerd) "I hated that movie! George Lucas didn't incorporate the imperial potential of Jar-Jar Binks enough to involve the ewoks in the resistance of the Galactic Empire and therefore the AT-STs couldn't function properly due to the force's interference! I demand a refund- and I need to go start an online forum concerning my insignificant views so my three nerd friends and I can chat it up on the internet and feel like our lives amount to something!" Please people- you have to drive to the movies for a reason. And that is... to see a movie... and... um... I'm not too sure what my point is. But those kinds of people push my buttons! And make me print out THREE copies of the English essay instead of two! Grrr... Robots of the universe, unite!

I guarantee that I'm not under the influence of any illegal drug right now... well... um... at least I THINK when you make crystal meth at your house it's legal...

He should sue you for being Curious George.
~Dave Gut in referance to my haircut, saying something gay... again.

From now on, you can all just start calling me "Mr. President," or, as I'm more fondly refered to by all of my close friends and family, "Supreme Lord of all that is Totally Wicked and/or Awesome."

That's right, I'M THE PRESIDENT. I love it, not so much because of the power associated with dictating the fate of mankind (well... more like, dictating how long meetings are and stuff), but more-so because it's something I really wanted, and ACTUALLY GOT ELECTED. That, my friends, is crazy. Anyway, expect a nuclear holocaust somewhere within the next five months.

So that's really all that's going on right now... just thought I'd let you all know, because I'm way cool like that. Peace out, and eat your greens!

Robby Neumer's dog's name is Josh... who names a dog Josh?
Rob- your dog is righteous.