Today was odd.  I don't mean odd in your garden variety everyday kind of odd, either.  I found myself wishing I still knew the kind of people I used to know.  Broke, loose morals, bi-sexual, little regard for certain sexually based laws.  There is a finder's fee involved, a sizable one.  Why, oh why, did I end up a Good-er? 
Oh, I suppose it is easy to cling to your morals when you are not the one involved.  Sadly, it isn't like a young and sexy Robert Redford type offered My Malkavian a million dollars to sleep with me.  I never thought Robert Redford was sexy.  Still, I know few people who could/would turn down that kind of money. 
I feel a bit like a pimp.  I think I would make a better Madam.  I remember, at one point in my life, I thought running a whore house would be a fun job.  (No, I don't want to know what that says about me.)

And you thought my life was going to settle down and become dull.  ha ha ha

I am under a time shortage.  I haven't the time to catch up on my blog reading, regular reading, or my nonsense reading.  I haven't time to schedule everything that must be done in one day into three.  I feel like Alice in the company of the March Hare and the Mad Hatter.  We're all mad here...  It is a different kind of crazy, but crazy none-the-less.
My bi-polar downward swing hit about the same time everything else did, which pretty much kicked my ass this time.  I f*cking loathe Emo, even worse when I feel Emo.  Crying at a lousy Ben Affleck/Sandra Bullock movie could be forgiven, if I were some other girl.  As it is, I have decided to call it 'Petty Mental Stress'.  (This is not the blog where I blame everything wrong with being a woman on men.  If you want a femi-nazi, I am not your girl.)
I am fairly good at pedaling hair color.  I suppose I ought to be.  I could have been good at sales, once upon a time.  I'd rather sell my soul for something sexier than money.  I have decided to change my attitude about the current job situation and stay with it for a bit.  I think there have been enough changes in the past month to tide me over for a while. 
I have been writing more on paper and turning on the laptop less and less.  I missed the way ink slides across the page.  I missed the feel of leather and good paper in my hands.  I missed the way things come to pass... 

I am not ready to give up this little piece of cyberspace or the friends here.  I think I want to make a few changes, at least in the short term.  If you really want/need me - email me.  Otherwise, I will catch up with everyone as I can, little by little.  I know I need to write everyday, if only to clear my mind.  I am going to steal a page from Morgan and use the 'One Word' thing-y.

On that note:  Leave me a comment with one word you would like to see me write or post a picture for.

My Malkavian calls to tell me to stop wishing for rain.  He is drenched to the skin, his shoes squelch and there is no break in sight.  I laugh and ask him when I don't wish for rain.  I tell him it isn't my fault.  He knows better or so he says.  As soon as I begin yearning for rain...

I need rain to wash away the toxins that have been building in my heart. 
I need rain to sooth my soul. 
I need rain to renew my spirit.
I need rain to charge my chakras.
I need rain to dance...

It isn't raining here, not anymore.  I can smell the rain on my skin and feel it in my drying hair.  My wet clothes are already churning in the washing machine.  The coffee is hot, creamy, sweet and sooths me.  The rain was not long enough tonight.  I was not nearly drenched enough.  I have heard better arguments from clouds, perhaps Thor was napping rather than working. 

I spent the entire day with my son, spoiling him, though not nearly as much as I wanted to.  He discovered that kneeling in a puddle of China Glaze 'Go Crazy Red' nail polish will ruin your pants.  Oops!  Coffee, shopping, haircuts, friends, lunch, poking fun at the crazy things one finds in thrift stores and lots of talking - almost made him late for karate practice.  He told me I haven't been my usual exuberant and vivacious self lately.  He asked me what was wrong.

What do I say? 
I am exhausted, forgetting to take time for myself, not eating, worrying about money, bills, the state of my marriage, learning to live with my husband again is wearing me out, my job is not only not ideal, but a disaster waiting to happen, I am feeling at odds with a couple of friends and don't know how to fix it/walk away/accept it, wondering if I am someone else's mid-life crisis girl, tired of purely sexual relationships, behind on my work/Halloween/Yule projects and there isn't possibly enough of me to get everything done in one lifetime, let alone one week and I really need a day at the gym followed by a couple of hours at a spa - which isn't going to happen, but damn I really need it too...

I said:  I just want it to rain, Baby.