Learning About God's Amazing Grace!

"Christianity is not an external behavior modification it is an internal heart transformation."
 

~Christine Caine

"That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit."

~Jesus of Nazareth

I stole the quote by Christine Caine from my Xanga daughter Marti .  Go by and visit her sight, I really like her latest post.  

Yesterday she had the Caine quote posted by itself, but her latest post elaborates on what the quote means to her.   It reminded me of another one of my stories. 

About 10 years ago I was attending a small Pentecostal church here in my home town.  The pastor of this church always had some very deep spiritual insight, and some of his sermons were pretty cutting edge.  One Sunday he had a bus man's tray (you know the wide, gray colored, low sided tray, busboys carry to clear tables in restaurants), a glass tumbler, a small container of milk, and a pitcher of water.   It was puzzling to say the least.  His message that Sunday centered on the way to be changed was to continually abide with Jesus.  Or as he put it, "You need to hang around the spout where the glory comes out!"   He then placed the empty tumbler in the center of the bus man's tray, he poured a full glass of milk from it's container.   He pointed at the glass full of milk and said, "See it's completely opaque, you can't see through it all."   Then he said, "But if you hang out with Jesus He'll pour of Himself into you, and you'll change!"   Pastor then took the pitcher of water and poured it into the glass.   The water quickly displaced the milk and what was once impossible to see through became clear as....well, water in a glass.  

I don't know if it's that pastor's original idea or not, but I've always thought he had the right answer.   It is God's grace poured into us which changes us.   It is a life continually lived in God's presence which really changes us.  I've got a great many answers for what ails the sexually broken person, but it's God who makes it all work.   God is the one who takes the knowledge from the head to the heart.  There are lots of people who have the same information I do, but don't benefit from it the way I have.  I'm not better than anyone else, but I learned early on that if I was going to change God was going to have to do the changing in me.  He was going to have to pour his spiritual power into me changing me; conforming me to the image and likeness of Christ.   Change would come, but it came as I walked WITH God, obeying what He told me to do.   I can study the facts and figures until my head grows old and falls off, but it is God who makes it all work in my life. 

Monday morning at work I was making coffee, and telling the lady who cleaned the furniture store we worked for, about this sermon the day before.   I got so involved telling the story I botched the coffee I was making.   Since the coffee was ruined anyway I thought I'd do the same illustration Pastor had done with the glass of milk, but using the botched pot of coffee.   Don't ask me why, maybe it was the coffee pot's narrow opening and wide body, but the transformation didn't work right.   I took the pot of nearly black water and held it under the running faucet of the sink in the break room.   Even with the water running full blast into the coffee pot the water didn't lighten....I mean it took several long minutes, before anything happened.   I don't know, 3-5 minutes before the water started getting lighter.   It did get lighter and lighter, but my gosh it took FOREVER!!   

Then it hit me:  God's work in us takes a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time!!   If we will hang in there, and keep walking with God He will change us!   And those changes will be eternal changes.   WE have to sell out, and get our "opening" under the spout where the glory comes out....We have to hang out with Jesus.   

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.   I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." 

~Jesus of Nazareth

"Abide" is the word used in some versions for "remain".   To abide means that you leave the place where you've been living and move or abide someplace, or in this case, with someone else.   To remain or abide means that you move in with Jesus and hang out with Him 24-7-365.  It's not just about reading a Bible, going to Church, praying, and hanging out with Christians....It's about immersing yourself IN Jesus, and believing Him enough to obey what He teaches.   What Jesus calls faith which saves is centered in obedience.   Faith then is:  Doing what Jesus commands.  In fact Jesus tells His disciples that if they love Him they will do what He teaches, but if they do not love Him they won't do what He teaches....That's pretty blunt, and we're left with only 2 choices;  either love/obey or hate/disobey.    Jesus left us with no 3rd option.  

God promises a heart change which will change the direction of believers....It's His change, and He alone can work it in us!  That's the working of God's Amazing Grace!!!

Lonnie 

Who Really Knows Best, And Who Is The Fool?!?

 THE UNASKED QUESTIONS:

There are many people who would like to ask me some very pointed questions (regarding homosexuality especially),   "Just who do you think you are to tell any of the rest of us how it's supposed to be?"   "You act all high and mighty, and like you know it all!  Well, what if you're WRONG?"

First of all I don't know "it all", but I do know much.  As I've said before I've been studying homosexuality for nearly 30 years.   I started when I was 15 and am now 44...you do the math.   

One of the things I have learned is that there isn't all that much to learn.   Homosexuality is a complex problem when encountered in a person.   There is so much wrapped around it in our thinking and emotions that it can be incredibly difficult to treat.   Not to mention the fact we aren't always very honest about it as we "struggle" with it.   Much of our "struggling" is actually more giving in, and yeah, I'm good at playing that game too.   Homosexuality as a specific disorder, or as part of a broader disorder, i.e.  Attachment Disorder, is fairly easy to understand.   

People would like to make it an unchangeable orientation, but under careful scrutiny, the "unchangeable orientation" idea just doesn't hold water.   Simply put we're dealing with adult people who are suffering with a sever Attachment Disorder, who in order to deal with their painful, lonely, sometimes traumatic childhoods, put up natural defense which protected their tender psyches.   Those defenses, once having done their job, and being of no further use....stick around to poison the adolescence and adult life of the person.   The child grows up feeling/being estranged from their own sex, thus creating an emotional void in the child's gender identity.   The natural attraction/hunger for gender specific characteristics becomes more and more powerful, even as the sense of separation from that gender becomes more and more pronounced.   Add hormones to a child who is gender identity confused and starved, and you get a natural attraction which become unnaturally sexualized.   

That my dears is what nearly 29 years of study and experience bring you.   Yeah, my explanation above lacks a great deal of information.   I did my homework, and if you want to know more, go study like I did.   But I don't really have to worry about the vast majority of you doing that do I?  Some of you have been dying to "tell me off", or "put me in my place" for a long time, but you can't because I know more than you do.   You want to be right but you can't argue with what I say, because you don't honestly know if I'm right or wrong.   Since 2005, when I started on Xanga, I've pointed people to many of the resources I myself use, but how many of you have taken the time to look into them?   I can tell you.....very few of you.   You want people to be understanding of your "feelings", and I agree with you.  I want people, especially in the Church, to be a great deal more understanding of our struggles, and of our very real needs.   But I know this "game", and I know the little things we like to keep for ourselves.   You know what I'm talking about....every now and again we like to "look"....sometimes we do more than look....don't we???   DON'T ever forget for one moment, you who struggle, that I've lived this struggle just as you do.   I STILL LIVE THIS STRUGGLE.   The only difference between you and me is I know without a shadow of doubt that my struggle isn't about sex, and I'm not going to let it become about sex again.   That is the only difference between me and the vast majority of people who struggle with sexual immorality.   That, and the fact that I've taken the time to learn about homosexuality.    And that self education is what has really made all the difference.

I grew up not trusting my knowledge about anything.   That's why I've spent nearly 30 years studying homosexuality/sexual immorality.   I always felt stupid, and before I could believe anything, I would have to encounter data over and over again.   When I became a Christian I spent a year studying apologetics, another year studying prayer.   Why would anyone need to spend a year studying prayer???   Simple: I wanted to know what I was doing.   I still have stacks of books on prayer and apologetics.   But even after a great deal of study, you've never read anything I've written about apologetics.  I won't write about apologetics.  I am completely OCD about knowing my subject.   I have to have a lot of information; careful study of the information; and more than one "expert" holding a positive view of the information; before I'll trust myself to say anything about a subject.   I have to almost "soak" in the information, before I'll trust myself with it.   

You see I was raised by a dad who continually changed the rules.   What I should have learned early in life was that I had a dad who made rules for me, but who saw himself as above those rules.   Instead of seeing the real problem I did what most small children do.....I blamed and doubted myself.    Dad was very good at turning the tables on me, making a forceful and convincing argument against me.   It took me years to learn to trust myself enough to make a stand for what I believe.   Still I must spend an insane amount of time learning what it would probably take the average person half the time to learn.   I must have the facts and figures hammered into my head over and over again, before I'll trust myself with handling and putting forth knowledge.     

I've spent years and years digging through data of every kind on the subject of homosexuality(male).   I have a very broad knowledge and experience of sexual immorality, and a great deal more knowledge of male homosexuality.   (There are some big differences between male and female homosexuality).  So while I do understand not trusting what seeming "know it alls" have to say, I also know what to do when I encounter a "know it all."   I go study up, until I can deal with the "know it all" on his/her level.   I had hoped that those of you who would really like to verbally kick my butt would go and gain knowledge.   Mostly what I've found are people who just want to kick my butt, but won't take the time to learn enough to do it.   (You can't actually beat me when it comes to homosexuality/sexual immorality.   What would happen is you'd come to the same conclusions I have).  

It seems that most people who call themselves "strugglers" are content to struggle, or fail as the case may be.   Ignorance is not bliss, it's death.   But death, it seems, is what many are willing to settle for.....  I learn something new every day, but in this case perhaps ignorance would have been bliss.

Lonnie

Why Do Fools Fall In Love??

Or

More To The Point: 

Why Do Fools Settle For Feelings Rather Than Love???

"Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles."  ~The Holy Spirit

18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

These Scriptures absolutely hit the "bulls eye" dead center, when considering those who promote homosexuality.   From the age of 15 until I was 25 all I wanted was the truth about why I was gay.   I didn't care about religion or philosophy, I just wanted the truth.  At 15 I was convinced the truth was something I could discover about why I was gay.   By age 25 I'd been disabused of that thinking.  Ten years of searching for a cause, and this is all I learned:

Those who promote homosexuality care nothing for truth.  They suppress the truth by their wickedness.

We have been given LeVay's "gay brain", Hamer's "gay gene", or Pilliard's "gay twins".   What these men did was to give us irrefutable proof of the lengths gay activists will go to manipulate, lie, cheat, steal, and all kinds of other nasty things to get what they want.   Truth be damned! 

"Oh crap! Here we go again!!....He's gonna go off on another dramatic tirade!!!"....No I'm not.....but I had you going for a moment didn't I??!!

Remember the little girl who at 3, set her parent's house and herself on fire??    Well that's about the time it all got started for LeVay, Hamer, Pilliard, me, and anyone else who is sexually immoral or struggles against it.   Anyone who looks at me doesn't see a 3-5 year old kid.   But my course was pretty much set by the time I was 5 years old.   So do I deserve AIDS, or Hell, or terrible scars like the little girl from the last post???   I made childish decisions; sinful decisions, but does that mean I deserve what I got????    Though I didn't know what my choices would bring me they brought me incredible pain, confusion, turmoil, horribly violent self-hatred, condemnation (Right Wing Christians), completely unwarranted affirmation (Left Wing Christians), and...well.... just plain old HELL! 

I didn't choose to be gay, but I did plant the seeds which would grow into the field of weeds my life later became.   I didn't know the seeds were weed seeds, how could I?   Even as a little boy I knew many of the things I chose to believe and do were wrong.   As I've said in past blogs, part of my Gender Identity Confusion was the rejection of my dad.   Even as a child I could recognize he was a bad person.   Children know that hating their parents is wrong, but how could I see the consequences of my choice?   Even nature shows us that seeds don't look like the plants which grow from them.   If all you'd ever seen was an apple seed, but never the tree or it's fruit, could you possibly imagine what an apple looked like?

What I also didn't understand at such a tender age was that my choices would stunt my emotional growth.   I spent my life, all the way through my twenties, being controlled by emotions which had been formed by the age of 5.  I grew up in many ways, but emotionally I was driven by childish infantile emotional/gender identity needs.  When I decided to reject my dad I rejected my model of masculinity.  I could have accepted the good parts of my dad, like anyone else he has very good, honorable qualities.   Rejecting my dad left a void in my being.   And as many know "nature abhors a vacuum".    I had unmet masculine needs, and my hungry little self was willing to eat anything at all.  The words of another man on the matter are far better than any I could write.

So here I am. . . married and with a grown child. . . still beating my head against a reality I've come to only acknowledge within the past couple of years:  I want what I never had.  I want to experience male intimacy in ways my father could never model for me. . . .  Even though sociological norms press me into a mold, and even though my Evangelical mind barely conceives of such an idea without it becoming overly sexualized, I still come back to the reality of what I want.  I desire male intimacy.  I want a transparency of soul I never knew with my dad.  I want to embrace, to know a rare transparency of soul, and even -- yes even -- to feel the brush of naked skin on skin.  Without thinking of the other as a "lover", I want to experience male embrace. . . .  The culture doesn't know how to allow for this without everyone assuming it's "gay" or making something more of it than emotional closeness.  So, on I go in silent desperation, never having experienced this one thing I long for.~ Anonymous

WOW!!!  That is some powerful stuff.   "To feel the brush of naked skin on skin..."   There's actually a name for this interaction, which could/should take place between father and baby.  it's called a "Warm Fuzzy" I read about it in a pamphlet at a hospital waiting room when my older brother's last son was born. 

Dad removes his shirt, takes his child, either naked or just wearing a diaper, and holds the child tightly to his chest, with the baby's head resting in the curve of his neck, so that dad's chin rests lightly on the crown of the baby's head.    The concept just blew me away.  I knew immediately that was a very powerful way of communicating with a baby.   And just that understanding threw me for a loop....I mean, after all how could I know a "Warm Fuzzy" would be a "powerful way of communicating with a baby"???   I didn't know anything about it, so why did I have such a powerful conviction about the "Warm Fuzzy"?    There were other feelings that were equally powerful, and equally puzzling....Wave after wave of intense envy, anger, and frustration broke over me.   By this time I was several years out of homosexuality, and knew my feelings weren't sexual at all.   I had to hold back tears!!   I could not understand what was going on with me!!!   I took the pamphlet home with me, and looked at it a lot followed by the same emotional response.  

MY THOUGHT EXACTLY!

I finally threw the pamphlet away, and after doing that, it hit me...My anger, envy, and frustration stem from not bonding with my dad.  Those emotions were childish feelings formed in childhood!   I didn't need a Warm Fuzzy I needed to grow up and stop infantile feelings from controlling me.  I stopped and prayed, "God forgive me for allowing childish feelings to continue controlling me as an adult.   Please Father enable me to embrace my freedom from immature feelings."   That was it I was free.  Never again have I allowed those childish emotions to dictate how I feel.   And for those who have a sense of entitlement to feel "needy", you have a choice; 1) Feel entitled and needy the rest of your life, or 2) Walk free.   I chose to walk free.

Those infantile emotions have certainly attempted to reestablish control in my life, but as Scripture points out "The word of God is sharper than any two edged sword."   When the feelings rise, I slice away with the truth from the word of God.   That's what we have to do as believers.  "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"  2 Corinthians 10:5

That's what we're doing when we take control of our feelings, we're casting down arguments and high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God.   It's not simplistic, it's not a pat answer, it's not easy, and it's not mere "mind over matter".    No one is good at doing it at first, but practice makes perfect.  It's not optional, but most every "struggling" Christian I know doesn't do it consistently over time.   It's part of the answer God has given us to pull down the "feeling" strongholds that we've allowed to control us all our lives.  If you're not casting down the childish feelings, then those feelings are being exalted against the knowledge of God.   The feelings aren't an accident, they don't flow from being "born" gay.  Ultimately, your feelings flow from your immature sin nature being allowed to continue controlling your life.   Complete rejection of our sinful immaturity, and radical obedience to God's commands, like the one in 2 Corinthians 10:5, is essential to freedom.   The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

Lonnie