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| What Do I Do?Stress. Stupid, stupid stress! Yet why do I feel like I'm addicted too it? I seem to add stress onto myself. I worry too much. Acutally, I don't think worry is really the right word. No, I think it's more that I care too much. I want to be a female Ghandi, a less insane John Lennon, a role model! I want people to look up at me and think about things that are important. I want to shield the world from all these horrible monsters: lust, greed, hate. But what can I do? Nothing. You want to know why?
Because I'm just like them. I'm a sinner too. No matter how much I wish, I can't be an angel with shinning wings of white with a shimmering golden halo. I'm just a dirty, little good for nothing sinner. I think that's why I'm so angry instead of sad these days. I used to cry all the time but something changed. I've cried all the tears I can cry. My sadness is now replaced with a rage and she is very, very angry! When people put me down, I ingore them and think about how I can put them down. I know it's horrible but I just don't seem to care anymore. I'm scaring myself but I'm afraid to tell anyone becuase they might think I'm crazy! I'm not! I want to be normal! I'm so scared right now, what am I suppose to do? I'm not crazy. Am I? | | |
| Just to let everyone know, I am not dead! I've been hanging out on Myspace alot but I've returned to my beloved xanga. I'll bring some rantings later. | | |
| I scream bloody murder at the top of my lungs and don't remember it. I open my eyes, people are staring at me and I have tears running down my face. Everyone said they heard me screaming. Amanda was scared. And I don't remember anything. Why does that happen? It doesn't make any sense to me. I've never done anything like that in my life before. This is the second time is has happened and it's really weird. Why wouldn't I remember something like that? I scream pretty dang loud. I think I would have remembered that. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. But guess what! My birthday is next Friday! | | |
| Wow. The new web long thingy is different. I am thankful. Very thankful. I am thankful for the following. 1. My family 2. My friends (including Susan and Miss Barefield) 3. The Musical Cats 4. Vic Mignogna Why is it, then whenever you want someone to leave you alone, they always find you and ask 'What's wrong?' and when you try to make them leave, they stay till they find out and then make you feel better? I think it's a sixth sense or something. I thank God for giving family members and friends this wonderful ability. | | |
| I've come to a conclusion: I do not need a boyfriend.
Is there a reason I've always felt like I needed a better half at the age of seventeen? Maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic. I don't know but I really don't care anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, I would love to have a boyfriend right but I really don't need one.
Mom says that I'm perfectly fine without one and she's right. I don't need a guy to make me feel loved: I am loved! I mean, I'm Nickel! Everyone loves me! (Except for leprechauns but the don't count0
I don't think I could handle a boyfriend right now. I mean, I wouldn't want to have a panic attack every time we kissed or something. Acutally, that be kinda funny somehow.
Okay, not really.
Plus, I couldn't stand someone who was constantly restrciting my freedom, telling me I can and can't do. I already get enough of that from parents, teachers and sometimes, church. Not to mention what if I had a boyfriend that hated Mana? Or CATS? That's like taking away my air!
So basically, I'm acutally glad I don't have a boyfriend. I love being free! Not to mention I get to flirt with whom ever I want boy or girl! ^.^
I love being me. | | |
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