| Another ChancePlease give me a chance to make up for my mistakes. I don't mess up often. This time is inexcusable. I don't know how to explain myself without sounding corny. I would do anything for you but sometimes I feel like that in itself is a problem. I hope you can forgive me and be my tagger again, because good friends are hard to come by, and I refuse to lose you.
|
| |
| SimplicityI am content. Strong, confident, and well-grounded. I'm thankful and grateful for this, as well as everything I'm blessed with.
Revision: I am at peace.
|
| |
| It Ends TonightI'm quite sure that it is finally over. This long and winding and troubling tale has finally run out of words to continue itself. I am spent. My tank is empty. That's it. I've given you as much as I can give and now I've got nothing left for you. We don't understand each other and we never will. Don't ever come back. Please, just spare yourself the time. Don't come back. It's over. I'm done caring and done waiting. It ends tonight.
|
| |
| A Box of CrayonsWalking to class, through the bunches of people laughing and smiling, I realized it was already fall. I wondered to myself whether they were all happy too, happy like I am. I doubted it. There was a chill in the air, and I was glad I decided to put on that long-sleeved undershirt. The trees were beautiful - lots of orange, red, brown, and yellows. Here and there, a lonely evergreen stood its ground. Like a defiant lover standing his ground, no matter how many times he gets denied.
See also: idiot.
The fall is a bittersweet season for me. I always find myself content, strange as it sounds, as it gets colder and colder. At the same time, the last few falls have been peppered with loss and confusion. It's just a little too convenient that every year, as we approach Diwali and then Thanksgiving, I feel more and more unconditional love for my family. Last year, I would have also included my friends. Things have changed though.
I would never have imagined I'd have lost so many bonds after graduation. I was always the stubborn, delusional one that thought he'd stay in touch and tight with everyone. I've failed miserably.
Another friend lost a parent. I can't wait until I'm back home again. I want to fall asleep in my grandma's lap. I want to listen to my grandpa's stories. I want to give my other grandma my trademark bearhugs. You wouldn't think so, but my grandmother is the only person who ever squeezes back when I hug them. Everyone else is lazy compared to her. This tiny, not even 5 foot 90 pound woman...when I hugged her before I got in the car to drive back to Binghamton yesterday morning, she squeezed like no one ever before. I miss them.
I drove around in the ambulance today for the first time. I'd never driven anything this big before. I'm glad for Harpur's Ferry. It will be a good outlet for me and my good samaritan complex. Yes, that's what I think I have. I've coined my own condition.
Most of all though, the fall reminds me of her. I wonder how she is doing. She must be excited for the weekend, busy planning and leading people, getting ready for Garba. I hope her heart is healed.
|
| |
| I Believe I Can FlyGrimy, gritty, layered upon layers
As I walk slowly up the stairs.
My mind is scrambled through
My heart is troubled too.
In a window the sun sets
I have no more safety nets.
Thoughts, they wander back
It hurts, but we lost our track.
I can smell her hair and I wonder
What was my tragic blunder.
With a sigh I pass the midway point
One last pull, and I toss away the joint.
Did I leave a nice enough note?
Yes, this really is all she wrote.
With each step the floorboards creak
Above somewhere, a few mice squeak.
I wish I took that one last shower
At least I'd be clean climbing this tower.
Finally, I find myself at the summit
Looking downwards before I plummet.
One last thought, one last heartbeat
Before I can close my eyes, I'm on the street.
Grimy, gritty, bloody.
|
| |
