Hello Again . . .

Wow... its been so long.  9 months.  I'm still with the guy I had just started to see.  My longest relationship.  I have gained about 20 pounds.  Probably from the prozac (which I'm off) and starting birth control and getting a new (great) job that is fairly sedentary.

My new roommate is tiny.  5'5" and about 110.  Eating makes her sick because she had stopped eating for so long.  She "wishes" she could gain weight.

I don't really know if I'm planning on doing anything about my weight gain.  It's so hard for me to eat healthier and less these days.  And when I do, I don't really lose.  My metabolism is SOOOO slow.  But I feel gross and uncomfortable in my own body.  I went from a size 4/6 to a size 8/10.  And I thought a 4 was big!!!

I'm also starting to feel depressed again and its affecting my relationship.  I'm so sensitive to everything my boyfriend does or says.    I pretty much go to work, come home and watch TV and then a couple times per week hang out with my boyfriend.  I sleep a lot.  Nothing awful, but nothing great either.

I don't know if anyone will respond.  I haven't written in so long...

Sorry that it has been so long.  I think that I may have to take a longer break from xanga because the longer I am away from here, the better I feel.  I've been on anti-depressants for a while and let me tell you I have made a HUGE turn around.  I've been out and about with friends everyday, making new friends at work, and being the bright, popular, bubbly girl I knew so well.  My energy is going up steadily as well.

I feel really happy about my body right now and the size that I'm at.  I eat junk food EVERY day and I manage not to gain a pound because I know when I'm full and I know when I'm hungry.   I'm seeing someone knew and he's constantly telling me how amazing and sexy my body is so that's really helpful too.

I feel so much better about life and friendship and everything else.  I never thought I could feel good like this.

Love, K

Things are slowly but surely getting better for me in a lot of ways.  This leads me to believe that this break from xanga has been helpful.  I'll be back soon, but just know that things are going well for me!

Love, Kristen

I survived the holidays (just barely) and I'm still alive.  I'm just doing some thinking . . . I'll be back soon. 

Love,

Kristen

I promised my psych I would wake up at 10am everyday no matter what.  I failed today.  I went to sleep at around midnight and then woke up at 1pm.... I shut my alarm off when it rang at 10am.  I was just so exhausted and I still am.  Why?  Who needs 13 hours of sleep?  Apparently I do even though I've been sleeping 9 or 10 hours every night.  I feel pretty horrible but I'm trying to stay away from coffee. 

I finally weighed after 3 days (a long time to go for me) and I gained a pound even though I've been walking a ton and barely able to eat because of the nausea from the meds.  Prozac and I are no longer friends.  It looks like it may make me gain weight after all.  And I was all excited to maybe lose another 10 pounds . . . I fit into my size 2 Gap jeans again... its so tempting to know that another 5 pounds lost and they'll fit slightly loose the way I like them.  

I need to pack for home and not brood over my pants size.  I have a lot to do before work today... Shoot me.