I am still living. I am still breathing.

Real life is hard.

My inherited childhood freedom is now gone.

Now it is time for me to earn my freedom.  And express my appreciation for all those that have contributed to making me who I am today at 19 yrs, 3 months.

Working is work. The government takes all my money. Civic responsibility is a bitch. Tickets, license, registration, operating permits, and TaXes; this things are not cool, not cool at all.

But...2005 is the year of Jade. I will accept nothing less.

So I've learned many a valuable things during my breif and small dose of real life.  But above all, the thing I learned and relearned almost everyday
is that I am in no way cut out for that life.
I've no patience, no organizational skills, and I am rather a stubborn jackass.

the world will kick my ass.

Changes will be made coming up.  Spring is coming and ..and and..spring is great.

I am returning back into civilization. I dropped off the map for a while but I should come back. It is rather lonely...

thanks for reading , the people that read this, and I appreciate those few that have actually told me to write again.

So im coming back, and ill be working hard.

but as it is, it is late and i have work
to be continued.

So I’m... going to say the things I have dreamed of....
After all this might be the last chance I have
to explain to you that there’s more...

Give me the time to tell you that your beautiful -
and everyday I wish I could still taste that raspberry perfume
You left on that note you wrote before we lost, our cool...

cuz I’m so sick of playing, "she loves me... she loves me not" …
With this lonely rose because I know....

...you can’t even remember the sound of my voice....

But there’s always hope, and there’s always chance.
Maybe someday I’ll get that feeling back...

Guess it’s time to get off the rocks
and maybe put the pictures down -
But I can’t stop now, cuz....
....this is all I’ve got...

We could step aside and watch the cars go by,
only counting the white ones
or take a ride to the reservoir
and we could start from there
cuz’ I’ve got a lot...
...to say…

So I’m... going to say the things I have dreamed of....
After all this might be the last chance I have
to explain to you that there’s more...

Give me the time to tell you that your beautiful -
and everyday I wish I could still taste that raspberry perfume
You left on that note you wrote before we lost, our cool...

cuz I’m so sick of playing, "she loves me... she loves me not" …
With this lonely rose because I know....

...you can’t even remember the sound of my voice....

But there’s always hope, and there’s always chance.
Maybe someday I’ll get that feeling back...

Guess it’s time to get off the rocks
and maybe put the pictures down -
But I can’t stop now, cuz....
....this is all I’ve got...

We could step aside and watch the cars go by,
only counting the white ones
or take a ride to the reservoir
and we could start from there
cuz’ I’ve got a lot...
...to say…

For every principle and every rule, there is balance.

It is good to realize that there is balance in everything. It is good to look for and acknowledge both sides of the scale.

Jenn asked me to write an entry a long time ago. I am late and unorganized.
Anyway, this was taken from jenn's info:

"Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's doing what you are afraid to do. It's having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new territory."

Now this was pretty random. And you can see how balance is evident in this paragraph.
First "courage is not the absense of fear".  People who are courageous are probably just as scared or even more terrified of a task, what makes them courageous is that they do it anyway...

More importanly though, I need to comment on the remaining sentences.
It's having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new territory."
BUT - is it not sad to "let go of the familiar". I believe one should always remember and take pride in their past, where they came from, their experiences, their memories, all the people and influences that make them who they are. And familiarity is great. It is what we call home. Should we ever ever ever forget or lose site of our home?  NEVER i say.
So even if forging ahead into new territory means leaving the familiar, leaving home, it does NOT have to mean letting it go, or forgetting about it.
Balance is needed.

I do not fully understand why people dislike or are so eager to get away from where they come from. Even if it was bad, horrible, it is still a part of you. 
I like alhambra! Haha good or bad, boring or exciting. It will always be where I come from. 

I was thinking: Does believing that things happen for a reason mean then that you believe in fate?
At first glance we would all conclude "yes".

But alas there must be balance.

Things may or may not happen for a reason. 

when you think about something and align your mind to that idea then there is focus. Focus of mind creates outward focus as well. Things become relevent to your focus. Everything is and can be related, and when there is focus, you are able to understand and see how outside things are now related to your focus.
So when something happens, "for a reason" this can also be viewed as any other event that you have choosen to realize relates to an idea or focus of yours.

So it is your choice to become aware of the things that happen and what they may or may not mean. And thus your choice not only to analyze this meaning but your choice to follow it or not as well.  This is hardly fate...

or is it .... ?

balance

OH yah -
"You can't break the laws of physics"
This .... I do not like this.
Of course you can not break the laws of physics, based on what we know.
But who says we know everything there is to know?

To say the laws we have set are absolute and universal is to say that we know and understand everything there is to know and understand.

The laws only work for what we know and understand. Who can say we know and understand everything?!

Of course the laws are very useful and beneficical and all, but the point is that this is consistent with my topic sentence. 
So the next time you hear "you can't break the laws of physics" just understand that there must be balance.
For all we know there may be other dimensions where the laws of physics do not hold true, and this we are discovering as fact...
so then nothing can be absolutely absolute. Because it relies on the fact that we understand everything there is to understand,
and this will simply never be true,
because even if we DID indeed truly understand everything, how would we know for sure that we did anway.....
ahhh this is nuts-