!Warning! Long one - I had to spill some beans tonight...

My parents did a fabulous job raising me, except getting me to be socially involved with people at a young age. I was always more comfortable with an older crowd because the younger crowd was always way to judgmental. I love to except people for who they are because afterall, I'm not completely comfortable with who I am, so why would I think anybody else truly is?

Even though I think my parents raised me right, I fall into the lazy category of, "eh, I don't want to mail a thank you note" or some other thing I've been taught to do. When I grew up I was damn lazy, and my mom or dad would have to yell or lecture me on why it was so important and why it meant so much to people to write thank  you's and all that other good stuff. (Apparently it ran in the family because my uncle took a kid in our family out of his Will because he didn't get a thank you note after a wedding...ouch!)

So, whether I was raised right or not has no baring on WHO I turned out to be because I could have gotten into the wrong crowd, done drugs, moved away and not listened to a damn thing they said to me. However that isn't the case. I listened to my parents --- maybe a little too much because its taken me a few years to live in my apartment and realize, I HAVE A CHOICE. I am now an adult, who can make her own decisions. That was hard to learn. I was use to asking my parents for advice and letting them make the decision. Afterall, they were usually right so I never had to learn the hard way. And actually, I do admire people that have had to learn the hard way.

My boyfriend had to learn the hard way from what he has told me. He couldn't stand home life anymore and by the age of 18 he moved out, roomed with his bandmates, ate whatever he could grab (peanut butter and mashed potatoes!!!!) and made a living doing what he could. He was also straight edge. Could you imagine being straight edge (no drugs/alcohol, find a way to love life without those things), be in a band, and still make a living? He's amazing in my mind. And even more amazing the more I talk with him because he is such a smart ass. Literally. And if you leave him spitting and sputtering about some insane project that he has no clue how to fix ----- come back an hour later ---- bam, he's finished it. How the fuck are some people such awesome problem solvers, and some, like myself are not? I think it comes back to my laziness. If I don't care - I won't learn. Simple. That's me.

That's why I learn about horses. I love them. I have always loved them. I care about nothing but horseback riding. I won't get toooooooo far into this, but I love them because they are a CHALLENGE. A challenge I am ready to fail and fail at again and again because since a VERY young age I've known I wanted to be around them. It's like I had this idea/feeling in myself that I could do a wonderful job connecting with this species and they are so god damned beautiful it makes me puke.

I am spilling all beans tonight because I need to. I've had a rough couple of weeks and can't hold back. I don't care who the fuck reads this anymore. I just need to spill. I finally sat down and tried to sketch something out tonight...its not horrible...not awesome either but it let me spill more too.

Another idea....

The way our parents raised us - sometimes you wonder if you solve your problems the right way. And sometimes I look back at ex-boyfriends, or friends, and places where I've had hard issues to solve - did I do them correctly? Why should I judge myself? Are my parents the absolute right?

There's a women at work that I talk to everyday. She doesn't always let onto what her teenage girls are doing. Sometimes she does, and sometimes she starts to cry when she talks to me. I think she feels like a failing mother. I know she puts her heart and soul into her teenage daughters - I try to give my two cents but its easier to listen because she obviously thinks I have no judgement in this issue because I'm only 25 years old afterall and she's probabably 40 or so. I guess they are taking advantege of her - getting into accidents, and this women really takes things to heart so when her girls do something she doesn't approve of - well, she gets heart-broken. I don't know how to talk to her except to just listen. It seems to work out best because she vents to me (I hardly get a word in edge wise, even if I did she doesn't seem to connect with me on whatever level I'm on), and then she enjoys our walks. I know she likes another girl we use to hang out with at work, so I got them and myself to get to gether this Friday for ice cream. Maybe she'll feel better that we all get to talk and hang out. She lives through her daughters ---------- which many parents do ------ but I think its affecting her too much.

I should know, I think I gave my mother HIVES one year because I had to break up with my boyfriend and didn't really want to and had a whole big problem on my hands. My mother took it as her own problem. I thank her for it, but felt even worse that she took it on as her problem and felt it was time to move out of the house. Hence, I'm in my own apartment now. Plus, now I can have my own schedule and now worry about that question of, "who are you going out with and what time are you going home." but I'm so paranoid that I will still type them an email to let them know that I plan on being away for a couple days. How good am I? Yeah - I thought so.

I am paronoid. Very. My parents made me think that everybody was a murderer, rapist etc. And, well...its half true, there are so many people who are bad people that you don't think are. But - you turn on the news and BAM, they are. Hell, who knows about the guy living in my garage. *seriously, I think there is a man that rents our garage, and is living in it. His car is parked down the street in a parking lot, but I've seen him shave in his truck mirror, and Steve thinks he saw him wake up and open the garage door and walk out like he just woke the hell up*****

Anyhow ----what I would change about the way my parents parented me? hmmmmmm not much because even though I'm paronoid, they made me take responsibility

• realize hard work gets you through life
• other people have harder lives and that I should consider myself lucky for what I have
• treat others with respect
• keep family close even if they are freaking wierd
  
• don't lie and if you are going to - make it believable
• don't make grandma dissapointed in you
• remember that those who look trustworthy - might not be - go with your gut
• stop second guessing yourself
• people don't like an annoying person who talks about themselves, or whines all the time
• nobody likes a negative person ALL the time
• keep yourself in shape - it gets harder when you get older
• get yourself a good job with benefits
• if there was a kid giving me problems at school simply turn around and say, "gee Jessica, is that your face or did you forget to pull up your pants?"
• take care of what you have - it lasts longer
  

Well, I think that's all I have for now. God it felt good to spill some beans tonight! It's been a while.

   

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This article came from Centered Riding.org and is useful for horseback riding, and in general. Thought it was neat and never heard of the term "Gyrotonic". WHAT IS THE "GYROTONIC"® METHODOLOGY?

Juliu Horvath discovered the Gyrotonic® and Gyrokinesis® principles that form the foundation for this novel approach to maintaining health and well-being. After experiencing many personal struggles and chronic illnesses, Juliu Horvath spent many years in self-exploration and study. These experiences not only led him to true healing, but he was also inspired to create a movement system that offers the same benefits offered by yoga, dance, gymnastics, swimming and tai chi, but is not derived from these other exercise modalities. Juliu sought to create a system of exercises that anyone could perform, regardless of age or state of health. Some of the hallmarks of Gyrokinesis® exercises are the fluidity of the movements and the ease with which one can perform them. The Gyrotonic® methodology allows users to stretch and strengthen muscles, while simultaneously stimulating and strengthening connective tissues in and around the joints of the body. These exercises are synchronized with corresponding breathing patterns, thus enhancing aerobic and cardiovascular stimulation and promoting neuro-muscular rejuvenation. Gyrokinesis® exercises allow one to work on the entire body through seven natural elements of spinal movement: forward, backward, left side, right side, left twist, right twist and circular, as well as all other joint articulation. This approach systematically and gently works the joints and muscles through rhythmic and undulating movements. These movements stimulate the body's internal organs while different corresponding breathing patterns are integrated along with the movements. Fluidity is the key. Postures are not held for long periods of time. Instead, postures are smoothly and harmoniously connected through the use of breath, making exercises appear and feel more like a dance and swimming than like traditional yoga. A typical Gyrokinesis® class begins with participants practicing self-massage and simple breathing patterns, something Juliu Horvath has named, "Awakening of the Senses." Then the spine and pelvis are engaged through simple exercises: while seated on low stools, participants mobilize the spine through a series of arching, curling, bending, twisting and spiraling movements. These same movement patterns are expanded to release the hip, knee, hamstring, quadriceps and so on, in all possible directions: front, back, twisting and turning. The corresponding breathing patterns executed during every movement stimulate the nervous system, open up the energy pathways and oxygenate the blood. The more advanced classes offer endurance training to participants prepared for more strenuous activities. All GYROKINESIS classes, from beginner to advanced, encompass not only sitting but also laying and standing positions. Those who practice Gyrokinesis® exercises tend to be more relaxed in their daily lives and can move with increased flexibility and ease. Gyrokinesis® can be a very useful bodywork modality for horse riders. It helps to promote a solid, yet fluid position on the horse. It establishes a healthy, supple spine which allows a continuously flowing motion to follow the horse’s movements/ Information taken, with permission, from //www.gyrotonic.com